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Good Friday!!
I am driving by myself this morning which means I don't have to rush quite as much today which is a good start.
Exercise is done (41 minute on the elliptical), breakfast is in my belly (pineapple/banana smoothie), and coffee to sip on. Scale dipped again (dare I think this might become a trend?). And ... what inquiring minds really want to know ... last night DH was in a better mood and it seems to be holding this morning!!
As usual ... the support you all offer me here is simply awesome. Thank you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able to adequately express how much journaling helps me. Makes me wonder why I stopped before.
I have just one visit today at 1:30 this afternoon. Secretly of course I am hoping they call to cancel but I doubt they will. I'll be coming home directly after my visit ... and then the weekend officially begins.
I need to get some things done this weekend. Update our budget (I've been neglecting to do so lately), do a few things for my business venture, clean the house a bit (also has been sorely neglected), laundry, and ??? oh ... sleep would be excellent.
I can't stop thinking about chattycathy. She's on her way to Florida today to get married!!! Then off for a wonderful honeymoon in Jamaica!!! I can hardly wait for her to get back to us and share pics ... she is going to be a BEAUTIFUL, RADIANT bride!!! She is living proof that we cannot predict the future. Even when it looks "hopeless" hope surfaces.
Grateful? Of course!!!
1. I am grateful that I have survived this week ... it has been long and trying!!!
2. I am grateful for a few more minutes this morning ...
3. I am grateful for books to read ... unfortunately I am nearly done and need to find a new book!!
4. I am grateful for my heart and my mind ... I do so much better when I let these two parts of me communicate with each other.
5. I am grateful for my health ... I know how awful I feel when I am sick ... and it occurs to me that my DH has felt poorly in his body for a very long time. For a man who is not patient and doesn't do "sick" well I think it is pretty amazing he has done as well as he has. I forget that when we are in a "bad" spell.
So ... whew. Today is a good day. It is Friday, I have a little "me time", and I have successfully tracked most of my calories, maintained my exercise, and not created chaos for myself. I think perhaps I have been able to practice kindness this week.
I am still impatient. I still look at my weight history and am tempted to beat up on myself for gaining, again. But I am not frantic about it. It occurred to me that I don't really have a "date" I am working towards that I want to weigh X number by X date. There really isn't a date. I know I want to see 180 again ... I want to find my "zone" and stay in it ... and of course I want it NOW ... but realize that it is a process ... I have been off-track, really, for a long time ... almost a year. Yes, I was able to bring it down before our trip to Mexico in March but since then ... well ... the numbers don't lie. So, even though this isn't my favorite part of the journey it apparently is a part of my journey, my story. I have gone UP and DOWN pretty much my whole adult life. What I have improved at is not letting it go up as much as I used to before I re-focus and bring it down. That is improvement, right?
Acceptance of myself is a key. Acceptance of myself is also a life time journey that will only end (perhaps?) when I take my last breath. Like children who act out behaviorally when they are emotionally distraught, I seem to act out behaviorally with how I take care of my body when I am upset. It is my default. And while I can't make it go away, I can make it more conscious, I can make different choices, I can be good to myself, kind to myself, and embrace who I am without throwing up my arms and feeling hopeless or trapped.
Okay ... enough for now. Time to shower and get myself ready for the day!! Have a good day ... be kind to yourselves ... and again, thank you.
Diet Calendar Entries for 26 August 2011:
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1723 kcal
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Fat: 57.43g | Prot: 133.79g | Carb: 141.43g.
Breakfast: Body Fortress Whey Protein Powder, Vanilla Almond Milk, Weight Watchers Yogurt Lemon, Barleans Flax Oil, Pineapple. Lunch: Tomatoe, chicken breast meat, cottage cheese. Dinner: cottage cheese, ground beef, Sirloin Steak. Snacks/Other: Dreyers Fruit Bars, Barbeque Potato Chips, Larabar Mini Apple Pie, Luna Protein. more...
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3278 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Desk Work - 8 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 5 hours and 19 minutes, Elliptical - 41 minutes. more...
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