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I'm an emotional mess today! Life is throwing some wonderful things at me this week and all I feel is sad that I can't share the news. The temptation to eat the large block of chocolate that has been in the kitchen cupboard for a couple of weeks is growing.
Another cheque arrived in the post today and all I can think about are the past couple of years where every penny has counted, not how fortunate I am. Oh the guilt of not being ecstatic about my good fortune.
My second bit of good news is GD1 who has been in China with the British Ladies Water Polo team flew into London this morning and went straight to an interview at the Royal Veterinary College and not only was she successful, but they have agreed to support her so that she can continue with the Water Polo team until the Olympics are over. Not a bad salary either. I'm very pleased for her as she's worked so hard but so,so wish I could share.
I've just got to get my act together, all this yo-yoing up and down is not good - I just can't seem to get on an even keel and the most surprising things make me swing wildly off centre. This is a mad, mad journey but I know deep down I'll get there.
Diet Calendar Entry for 25 August 2011:
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917 kcal
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Fat: 17.57g | Prot: 65.27g | Carb: 126.07g.
Lunch: salmon, wholemeal bread. Dinner: muller light yoghurt, meatballs and spaghetti in spicy pepper sauce. Snacks/Other: nectarine, peach. more...
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 Comments
Love all your good news and glad you can share it here. The money is particularly sweet I think. I always tell my children that it doesn't buy happiness but it can make life easier and it does buy experiences. Have you given any thought to mentoring?? In the U.S we have a big brothers/big sisters program which lets adults spend as much or as little time with children who are somewhat underprivedged. It could be as little as read to them for an hour once a week. Since you are with the same child for years, great relationships often develop. You have so much to give. You will find all sorts of ways to share the news and fruits of your bounty. I am so very happy for you that there is good news!!!!!The last few years of your life have been extremely hard. I just feel like there will be fantastic people and experiences out there for you!!
25 Aug 11 by member: sharonfriz
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What tickles me Flax ... is that you are here ... sharing with us. I know it isn't the same as having someone home with you but still ... I so look forward to hearing how you are doing ... truly!!! I'm not surprised in the least that receiving the money has you melancholic. It is bittersweet ... a wonderful blessing and yet ... it would have been so helpful before. Congrats to GD1!!! That is soooo cooool!!! Your emotions will continue to fluctuate, unpredictably and wildly for quite some time to come. Just part of the process. I think you held a lot in taking care of OH. And now ... there is a lot to process. I look to you ... and always find comfort in your encouragement. Glad we could be here to be your long distance buddies!!! I hope today is a better day!!
26 Aug 11 by member: madaboutmoose
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Thanks to you both. Its good to have somewhere where I can let my thoughts out. People who haven't lost a partner have difficulty in understanding how and what affects you. It surprises me sometimes. Someone described it as having a glass door through which you can see your life but its locked and you can't go in so have to move on or stand helplessly outside looking in. I know deep down that I am a strong, capable woman and that I will find a new purpose in life - I just can't see it yet.
27 Aug 11 by member: flaxseed
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But you are doing it...little by little- the plans with your nephew coming up is wonderful. And you are a strong capable woman!!! You will find all kinds of new wonderful purposes....Hope you've been sewing, and gardening!!
27 Aug 11 by member: sharonfriz
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I so agree with Sharon!! You are doing it ... where you are is exactly where you are (if that makes any sense at all). You are a strong, capable woman. And as a strong, capable woman comes the ability to feel deep emotional pain and loss. This will pass, lessen with time. I've not yet lost my partner but I walked, step by step with my mom when my dad died when I was only 32 years old. Keep writing here ... you are a wonderful woman and I feel privileged to be your friend.
27 Aug 11 by member: madaboutmoose
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your chart is a beautiful thing!!
01 Sep 11 by member: sharonfriz
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