Aviadele's Journal, 28 May 2009

On Friday past, I had to make the hardest decision of my life and put my lovely black lab, Kelev to sleep. She was only one week over 10 years old.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I noticed that Kelev was favoring one of her front paws a little and chalked it up to arthritis or some other age related malady but other than that, she seemed to be her usual self. As the limping become more and more pronounced, I booked an appointment with the vet to see about getting some kind of medication for her. The vet however didn't like the looks of things and ordered an x-ray to be done the next day. We discovered with that fateful x-ray that Kelev had canine bone cancer in her shoulder joint and was most likely feeling considerable pain as the tumor had all but destroyed the joint. Traditional treatments were out the question because of her age and her medical history and so on Friday we made the only decision we could to ease her pain (at least I think we made the right decision) and she was put to sleep Friday morning before my children came home from school that afternoon. I was such a basket case on Friday morning that I couldn't even make that last phone call to the vet. I had to get my husband to take a half day off of work, book the appointment and take her that one last time to the vet. At least she crossed that final threshold with someone who loved her. I just don't know what hurts more - having to lose a furry member of my family so suddenly or the fact that I wasn't strong enough to be the one there with her. The past 7 days have been so damned hard to work through emotionally and I have been eating whatever and whenever my heart desired. My children (who are 6 and 7) were devastated to learn the news but consoled with the knowledge that Kelev was going to be joining other relatives they knew in heaven. But at least they thought my food choices this week were fantastic! I am going to try to bring myself back to my 'regularly scheduled' life over the weekend.