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Well, I guess the best place to start this is telling my story!!
I recall first becoming unhappy with my weight during middle school. I remember I had joined the band as a saxophone player, and at the end of the year the teacher took us on a class trip to Myrtle Beach, SC. That was really the first of many traveling experiences I would have where I noticed myself being the only “big girl” in my group of friends. We went to themeparks and dance clubs, but the whole time I pretty much just stood back and watched my normal sized friends wearing cute outfits like halter tops, shorts, and two piece swimsuits while I was afraid to even wear a simple tanktop. The biggest blow was at the end of the trip when the teacher revealed that she had brought along a video camera and filmed us during the trip to make a home-movie for us to watch on the bus ride back. I saw myself on the video and was amazed at how fat I looked! I really stood out from the rest of the girls who were normal weight and I couldn’t believe how big I was compared to them!
There were many other times where I found myself in situations where I felt “surrounded by pretty girls” and I was the only fat one. When I got to high school our church youth club took week-long trips every summer to youth conventions and such where I would notice all of my friends wearing their cutest summer outfits while I stuck to jeans and t-shirts. I hate to admit this, but a big part of young people taking trips together is flirting and such; I know I'm not ugly but for me however it was just painful feeling like none of the boys were going to look at the fat girl in the group. It was the same feeling every time and I hated it!
By the time I got to college I was used to being a “big girl”. I found solace in the fact that in college there are a lot of “big girls” so I could sorta just blend into the crowd easily, but deep down I was dying to change. I began starving myself during the days, but unfortunately I had a terrible addiction to sweet drinks and my family diet traditionally is loaded with high fat foods like fried chicken, pastas, and stuff covered in cheese, butter, etc... so I didn’t lose any weight but I was content in not gaining at least. As I met new friends however, I once again began to notice that most of them were normal weight and I was still the fat one. I became extremely withdrawn to the point that I wouldn’t leave the house except for school. I would turn down offers to hang out or go places because I was afraid of looking huge next to my normal sized friends. Another source of misery for me has been the rapid growth of social sites like Myspace and Facebook, the popularity of these sites pushed me into even more seclusion as I became terrified that one of my friends may take a picture or video and tag me in it online where everyone could see how big I am. I see many of my friends who have hundreds or even thousands of pictures uploaded whereas I have so few, and NONE showing my whole body. It makes me so jealous, and I'm looking to change it!
That said, I really wanna work on becoming the outgoing person I really wanna be by losing this weight and being proud of myself! I wanna be tagged in pictures without shame!! lol, and here’s my starting point :] Let’s go!
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