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Good Morning Friends!! This morning I find myself battling impatience and body image. Imagine that ... LOL!!! I find myself frustrated again that the weight isn't flying off ... instead of enjoying the progress I've achieved. When I look at my chart I see several times I've basically leveled off with slight fluctuations up and down for about 10 days at a time. That is where I am at right now ... I've fluctuated slightly up and down for 10 days now. So, I get worried ... is this the weight my body is going to stabilize at???? I look at my pictures from Christmas to now and other than in my face don't see much difference. Even though I know I am wearing clothes I could not wear in December. I am chewing myself out for eating my Luna Brownie with yogurt last night, even though I know I consumed just under 1500 calories which is quite reasonable for my size and activity level for losing weight. Good Lord!!! I wish my brain was more powerful than my emotions sometimes!!! Why is it that some of us are never satisfied with progress? Why is it that I can't soak up the almost 40 lbs I've lost instead of focusing on the almost 25 more I want to lose?
I guess it is all an opportunity to remember that even when I "arrive" at my goal weight that I will still have days like today. Days that I feel more critical of myself. The good news is that I don't feel like giving up. My brain is stronger than it used to be ... I completely know that I am doing what I need to do. And, I even know, that even though I don't always feel more attractive, that I DO look better than I did in December. Not that this is all about looking better ... but still ... that is important to me and I'd be fooling myself if I didn't admit it.
Well, as always, thank you for listening to me!!! Today will be what it is and tomorrow will come. So, I recall the quote my buddy Jim shared with me ...
"Mountains should be climbed with as little effort as possible and without desire. The reality of your own nature should determine the speed. If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion. Then, when you're no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn't just a means to an end but a unique event in itself. This leaf as jagged edges. This rock looks loose. From this place the snow is less visible, even though closer. These are things you should notice anyway. To love only for some future goal is hallow. It's the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top. Here's where things grow. But without the top you can't have any sides. It's the top that defines the side. So on we go ... we have a long way ... no hurry ... just one step after the next ..." R. Pirsig
Here's to the sides of the mountain today!!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 14 April 2009:
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831 kcal
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Fat: 31.05g | Prot: 63.20g | Carb: 81.25g.
Breakfast: water, medifast cocoa. Lunch: Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken. Dinner: Lean Cuisine Macaroni & Cheese, perrier. Snacks/Other: Blue Diamond Roasted Salted Almonds, South Beach Diet Fiber Fit Granola Bars. more...
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3133 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Precor Elliptical - 34 minutes, Driving - 2 hours, Desk Work - 9 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 26 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
You and I are so much alike, we struggle with the same low self image of not being quite good enough where we are and when we get to where we want to be, we do not feel we are quite good enough there either. We both need to get those tapes that we grew up with OUT of our brains and accept us as being ok the way we are. Is that going to happen for either of us, not to sound negative, but I am not sure it will in our life time. I was raised that how I LOOKED what the measure of my self worth, not what I was like inside, and I would be willing to bet money that you were raised the same way or you would not be having the self image issues you have now. I am 66, you are younger but we have dealt with these issues ALL of our lives. At one point can we say to ourselves and believe it, that we are ok where we are. And if someone does not think we look ok, then that is their problem, not ours. When a person is raised that their self worth is their physical appearance, when aging starts creeping in that is rough to deal with. I and you both know in our hearts what we look like is secondary to what kind of human beings we are and I think we are both compassionate, kind people. That's what we have to remember because that is what is important.
14 Apr 09 by member: WECANDOTHIS
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Wecandothis ... I don't think the tapes will ever go away completely. But I do think we can become more aware of when we are listening to them and eject them and put in our new tapes! I sort of think, regardless of age, we were all raised to measure our self worth by how we look. I think it is more a female thing than a male thing but I might be wrong. I'm sure my male friends will let me know their opinion. I read some of the journal entries of women on here younger than myself and am struck by how negative they are about how they look. Some of them are quite "small" and yet they refer to themselves as "fat." It seems our society is so inundated with "youth", "thin", "beautiful", and ideals that are basically unachievable. I do not measure "beauty" as a certain size or shape in others. And thank goodness there are days I can see my own beauty, as I am certain you have those days as well!! And, I am so blessed to have my mother, who every day tells me how good I look, and a husband who has always seem me as beautiful, even when I weighed 277 lbs ... bless his heart!!! Thanks so much for being you!! And thank you for sharing yourself here. I hope that some of the younger women can begin to learn to accept themselves now ... we are certainly more than our physical appearance and have always been MORE than our height, weight, or body shape!!
14 Apr 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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Stay focused on today. Not where you are going or even where you have been. I too am in one of those level off, eat what you burn, not really feeling like doing hard exercise kind of funks. I think the trick here is to have these times be a "leveling off" and not a "spiral up". I do think that at the pace you have dropped your weight that you are probably due for some leveling off. Pirsig also talks a lot about the balance between..."dynamic" and "static". Dynamic in this case would be the weight flying off, static would be the plateaus. Pirsig points out that dynamic changes happen all the time but often there is no "static latch" and the change reverts back or disappears. This is not just a weight loss thing it is common to all systems. In other words you NEED the PLATEAU!!. You can't get to the goal without it. It is not something to get passed or an obstacle to be overcome. There is a book and movie by Dan Millman, called "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior" & "Peaceful Warrior"...get it from Netflix or Blockbuster...and ask yourself the final question in the movie, which in effect asked.."Are you HERE, NOW? Are you enjoying the moment not looking to the future or worrying about the past? That to me is the real challenge to be HERE NOW. Not mired in the past or anticipating the future. Keep to the here now and I think you'll be more than fine.
Best
Jim
14 Apr 09 by member: jchickos
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You know what you have accomplished and you know where you want to be... I think it is great to have both understandings. But, I do understand your anxiety. I have it too! Someday we will get to our major goal, and when we do it will be so much more than amazing.
14 Apr 09 by member: Deana Garcia
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Baby is crying but I saw you were under 200 congrats!!!!! YAY!!!! You go girl. Will read your journal later.
14 Apr 09 by member: yogamama3
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Interestingly enough ... I ended up coming home today with a migraine. I've had them since I was 9 years old ... and usually a Maxalt does the trick but not today. Made it home and to bed for a few hours and now I do feel better. I just read Jim's comment. It definitely struck a chord with me. Maybe it's the nap!! ... "I think the trick here is to have these times be a "leveling off" and not a "spiral up"." ... DEFINITELY!! And ... the challenge to be "Here Now" ... "not mired in the past or anticipating the future" ... SIGH ... I agree, that makes so much sense and simply feels correct. I'll netflix the movie and check it out. As usual Jim, your comments ALWAYS make me think. Thanks!
14 Apr 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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