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I think I did decently with eating- not stellar, but reasonably exercised self control all day and didn't eat to the point of feeling stuffed. Though I felt really "stuck" most of the day and drowsy most of the morning. It seems like it ended up being a slow day, which is kind of discouraging--I was hoping to get more done.
Part of why I am journaling now though is because I was recognizing some frustrating/ awkward cognitive issues in my thought processes today. Basically my thinking has felt like an engine misfiring or ignition not catching and the engine struggling but not able to turn over. (One of hubby's first hobbies when we were newlywed was automechanics. He's shifted more towards photography and other things now largely because working on cars was wreaking havoc on his body when he had the energy to do more. However, he taught me almost everything I know about cars.)
Not too long ago my husband suggested that I take on online assessment for ADHD (he had a ADHD diagnosis as a child, but continues to deal with it as an adult). I never actually considered it likely that I had ADHD because my understanding of that condition didn't look at all like me/ my behavior or personality. However, the assessment indicated that I may have adult ADHD as I had borderline positive results for several features of the condition. When I was taking the assessment I answered one of the questions about fidgeting negatively (that it wasn't something I experience), though I think perhaps I should have answered affirmatively. I notice more now how compulsively I tear at my fingernails--especially if I feel more stressed, it's a maladaptive coping mechanism for me. :-/
Writing this out helps me feel a little better, but it's still kind of bizarre for me experiencing this in general. Sure I have a history of mental health/ psychiatric issues, but those are different and seemingly unrelated. This is new territory for me.
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 Comments
Hi MrsTofu! Thank you for sharing your thoughts even if you still feel its bizarre. Sometimes I also feel like that every time I start a journal entry. But it does help a lot though. Just to write and share anything that you are thinking and feeling.
How do you feel about the ADHD test results you got? I hope you don't mind me asking.
05 Mar 14 by member: ZivaDavid11
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Hi MrsTofu! Thank you for sharing your thoughts even if you still feel its bizarre. Sometimes I also feel like that every time I start a journal entry. But it does help a lot though. Just to write and share anything that you are thinking and feeling.
How do you feel about the ADHD test results you got? I hope you don't mind me asking.
05 Mar 14 by member: ZivaDavid11
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I don't mind. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I guess puzzled/ surprised sort of is how I feel. Though it's also like looking at an optical illusion where you are used to seeing one image and someone asks about a feature in the image that you didn't notice and suddenly the whole image looks different. It sort of makes sense. I am guessing whatever I have would be more of a mild form of ADHD-PI, though I didn't really have trouble with attentiveness in school. That's why it is somewhat of a surprising result. My ability to focus in school as a child was never what I thought of as hyperfocus or inattentiveness which are more classic signs of juvenile ADHD.
05 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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Also, something about me that I know is that I can be somewhat of a glutton for diagnoses. I understand that my challenges are mostly "normal", certainly they aren't beyond the scope of trials common to man[kind]. However, given the opportunity to have a label versus not having a label, I prefer being able to put a name to my disorders/ trials/ collection of symptoms. I feel like once I can "see" my adversary, I am better equipped to fight it. That's not the best attitude, I realize, since ADHD isn't so much an illness as it is a different mental wiring system. I suppose a better analogy would be that with farming/ gardening you are best equipped to be fruitful when you understand the composition of the ground you are sowing into. Working with clay soil versus sandy soil requires different strategies, but when you know what's below your feet and you know how to work with it the harvest is more reliable. You don't have to spend time in suspense, not knowing what or when to expect for a yield; you can plan, labor and harvest more harmoniously because you are more in tune with the environment you are working with. That's what I am hoping to work towards with my mind.
05 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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I totally agree! And I feel the same way. I feel like I can better deal with situations if I know what exactly I'm dealing with and where I stand. Most of my weight gain was when I was dealing or should I say refused to deal with an emotional issue I had. I just wallowed in denial and ate away everything I cannot understand and process. So here I am now. But now that I actually pushed myself to deal with it as it is, I am happier and able to focus on the journey I have chosen for myself.
05 Mar 14 by member: ZivaDavid11
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It is so refreshing to read about the same thoughts you have in your head from other people's perspective. Thanks so much for sharing!
05 Mar 14 by member: ZivaDavid11
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Yeah. Just knowing you aren't alone is comforting. That's largely why I share my journal.
05 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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