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I made a comment on someone's journal that I decided to share here so that my Buddies who support me here can better understand better why I'm so driven, so ambitious, why there are no "cheat" days, why I refuse to reward myself with food anymore, and why there are no more excuses:
I got a wake up call this summer. My husband said to me, "Honey, we need to talk." Well, right away, I started to panic. Wouldn't you???
He went on to say, "Look around: There are no really old fat people." I said, "So what?" He took my hands and looked me in the eyes and said, "I want to get old with you. Please do something about your weight."
I started crying.
He went on to say that he didn't care how I looked, that I was beautiful and sexy to him at any weight (he married me when I was heavy, so I knew that was true). His words touched me because he wants me to live, and he wants us to be together.
So I'm on the warpath now. And now you know my dirty little secret. Now you know why I won't quit, ever, until I get there.
I journal every day, not only here, but also in a book I keep in my purse, about how the day went, about people and things that piss me off. I let my feelings out in the book, so I no longer need to eat my feelings away. I use this website like crazy for support, to make friends, to help others, to get help from others, and to log my food, every single bite. I use the Jawbone UP to track my steps and calculate my output so I know how much to eat and therefore how much I should be losing at a slow, but steady pace.
I attend Overeaters Anonymous at least once a week because it's such a great support group. I've come to believe that this is a lifelong issue for me that isn't going away and that my thoughts about food are just not normal. I find comfort and support there and it really, really helps.
Pretty soon, I'll be able to add exercise to my routine and that will help, but for now, I'm shotgunning this thing, tackling it from every angle I can think of. There is nothing I'm not doing to support myself, including spilling my guts to strangers here in the hopes that some little gem may resonate with someone and help them get through a tough day, or even an hour of temptation.
Thank you to all my Buddies on here who have been and continue to be awesome. We are on this freaky journey together, and you know what? It's so much easier together! Thanks for listening, and here's to our collective success, not just in the short term, but forever.
Cheers,
Dominique
aka Mrs. Mole
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 Comments
Awww, that is so sweet! Almost made me cry. Good luck and know that there are tons of use here to help on those bumpy days.
11 Feb 14 by member: Ginsin
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p.s. You have been doing great, I saw you lost almost 50 lbs since September. I had lost 40 lbs, and gained back 20 since October. I am back on track, so need help staying on track (holidays are always brutal for me).
11 Feb 14 by member: Ginsin
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Shit. You almost made me cry. I feel so proud of you and I'm sure your husband does it as well, but even more, you should be absolutely proud of where you are and where you will be soon. It is awesome that you have such strenght and willingness to do this, and this is why you will succeed.
Your 'confession' will also help others (I'm including myself) to understand the importance of achievements and motivations, and also to learn that as difficult as the path might seem, there is always people willing to support us (by reading, listening, or writing). Thank you very much for sharing, this was really very touching.
11 Feb 14 by member: Chickturu
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Ginsin, holidays used to be hard, but now, I just tell everyone in advance how important this goal is for me, and no one will let me cheat! LOL. I realized that the 3 seconds of "pleasure" that comes from eating something is so not worth the agonizing months it takes to undo it. On Thanksgiving, I had turkey and green beans. That's it. On Halloween, I gave our candy and had not one piece. I lost 8 pounds over the holidays. It was awesome. Sharing my journey made it 10X easier than just struggling alone. Thanks so much for the support.
11 Feb 14 by member: mrsmole
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I really don't know what to say. I've overwhelmed. My husband had a similar talk with me. I wanted to have gastric bypass. He was afraid of that until he talked to two of his friends that he hadn't seen in a long time. They both had lost a lot of weight. They told him it was a great thing. So he came home and said okay to the surgery. I'm sorry that I have been such a taker so far. I really don't feel I have much to give. Just go one day at a time. We can all do this. Not perfect but the best we can for that minute, hour, day, week...whatever it is. One thing I'm trying to learn is not to listen to others. Listen to ME and how I FEEL about what I eat. You are doing great with that. :)
11 Feb 14 by member: ohiogirl63
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This was an awesome read. For someone who hasn't struggled with weight, it's easy to just look at someone who does and just assume they're not trying hard enough, are lazy, or just don't care. Testimonies like yours are great because they illustrate the true struggle/addiction of Food.
I also respect your husband for "manning up" and exhorting you to start doing something about your weight. I don't know if you two are accustomed to 'keeping it real' with each other during conversations, but I would bet this was something he but major thought into regarding just how to approach you about it...and I'm sure it was tough for you to receive. Thank you for sharing.
11 Feb 14 by member: alowe82
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OhioGirl, it's amazing that you said that. I also wanted to have the gastric bypass about 6 years ago, when we had amazing health insurance, and he talked me OUT of it. He was afraid I'd die on the operating table, in spite of the statistics that said I wouldn't. Now, we have the crappy kind with a zillion dollar deductible, lol. Do know how mad I was at him that he talked me out of it and then years later came to me, begging me to do something? After I wiped me tears, I yelled, "Why didn't you let me have the &*%$ing surgery when I wanted to?!" He said he was sorry, that he should've. But here I am. I'm now truly addressing the reasons they overate in the first place. This has forced me to find other sources of joy besides food or a good alcohol buzz. I now read more, spend more time with friends, chill in my Jacuzzi, play with my dog, and write. So yeah, the surgery would have been nice, so much easier. But I'm stuck with this and I'm determined to make best friends with it. Thank you for sharing, thank you for listening. I don't perceive you as a taker. You have been supportive and caring and sharing. I'm glad you're not listening to others, except hopefully on here, where we all really care and want you to succeed. P.S. Did you get the surgery??? Do tell!
11 Feb 14 by member: mrsmole
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Wow, thanks for sharing that story with us! That is sooo true. I only know one elderly very large woman and she is my mother in law she is in her mid 80s. She got so heavy she started to have knee problems. (She didnt want knee surgery since a close family member died having the same surgery). She couldnt lose the weight either. Then she had a stroke maybe 10yrs ago that kept her in bed for about 2 months. After that... Even with physical therapy the pain is too much on her knees to even stand up for even one second. she is wheelchair bound now for the rest of her life, and we have to use a hoyer (like a crane) to lift her in and out of bed. Her older sister on the other hand who is slim dances around, parties, has a very active lifestyle and she is in her 90s!
11 Feb 14 by member: Jess cheng
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alowe82, my husband told me that his concern about my weight and my health had been literally keeping him up nights for months. He is generally accepting and not preachy or judgmental, so it took a lot for him to sit me down. I'm someone who is comfy in my own skin, highly self-confident and not at all embarrassed or ashamed of my weight, which is both good and bad. Good because I don't go around a wreck, putting myself down non-stop and complaining how I look in a bathing suit and refusing to have sex because I won't let him see me naked. Bad because I didn't care if I lost weight. Having no other vices (no drugs, no smoking, so little drinking, that I may as well be a non-drinker), food was my vice. I just love food. Not lazy, I work my butt off. I just do not see food like a normal person. If food is there, I'll eat even if I'm not hungry, until it's gone. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored, when I'm with people, when I'm alone, etc. I'm just hardwired differently than others. Some people can't manage alcohol, I can't manage food. It's safe tos ay that it's my drug of choice and I am now abstaining. It's just that drinkers can often hide their addiction - but my addiction happens to show on my body. So unfair! Hence, my commitment to OA, and why I now know that my feelings about food are just not normal. Admitting that my life had become unmanageable because of my overeating was so hard, you have no idea. But now that I've done it and I've abstained from overeating for 138 days, I don't see that anything can stop me. This site has been instrumental in my journey. Thank you to all who shared that my words had meaning to them.
11 Feb 14 by member: mrsmole
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Jess cheng, thank you sharing the story about both your Mother in Law and your Aunt in Law. I want to be the one in her 90s who dances around, not the bedridden one who must be lifted with a crane to get out of bed. That image alone is enough to keep me away from any temptation, ever. And I cannot imagine the cost and burden for others who must care for her. Thank you again for sharing that. I'm 50, and that future is only 30 short years away for me. If I don't lose it now, then when? Now is the time. Period.
11 Feb 14 by member: mrsmole
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How wonderful that he loves you that much! You are a very lucky woman!
11 Feb 14 by member: pjsayler
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I had the surgery in March 2009. I had to have it redone in October 2010 because I had an ulcer in my pouch. I lost 134 lbs in less than a year. I did not reach my goal. Then I got emotionally ill. But I kept it off. Then I went to stay with my mother to help her out. Since May 2011 I've regained 57 lbs. Mainly because I haven't been following "the rules". That's what I'm doing now. My pouch still works. I know it does. I just have to start listening to it again. I'm retraining myself to listen closely. At the start of joining here I had 89 to 99 lbs to lose. Even tho I've had a few problems. I wouldn't change that I had the surgery. I would change the way I dealt with people. They kept telling me to eat more. Even tho I was satisfied with the little bit I ate. And I could even eat a small bite or two of dessert and that would completely satisfy me. I'm trying to get back to that mental state. Where feeling good, being healthy and being thin feels better than having food. I'm struggling with that part. The first time. I was ready. I didn't cheat. Didn't have the desire to have a day off. Knew in my mind and heart that there were thing I might have to give up for the rest of my life because they made me feel bad. Then I listened to people who told me I was wrong. They saw all that weight come off in such a short period of time. I don't know if it was jealousy. Or the shock of me being so much smaller. But I have to change that about me too. Not listen to anyone that wants to say a negative thing of any kind. Only positive. Only good. Only encouragement. Have the ability to know that I know what is best. Feel good about what I know and how I feel. I am very glad I did it. I don't think I would be as healthy as I am. Even with the emotional thing. Which by the way probably was not caused by the surgery. Just happened to come on like gang busters afterward. If there are more details you would like to know just ask. I would recommend it for anyone that might want it. I was thinking about having a revision if we ever got insurance again. I thought it might help me get in that place again.
11 Feb 14 by member: ohiogirl63
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What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing such an intimate thing you and your wonderful hubby shared. What an incentive! <3 <3
11 Feb 14 by member: Babe53
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Thank you for sharing... Reading your journal, I KNOW you are going to succeed ... And grow old with you DH.
11 Feb 14 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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Great post and it is wonderful that your husband loves you that much that he wants
To grow old with you. I also met my boyfriend and I was big. I have tried to lose weight and have failed each time but he has stayed loving me for 13 years so once again I am trying and planning to do the surgery to help. In Jan I lost 18 lbs so I am off to a good start but it is hard to change my eating and even get motivated to exercise
11 Feb 14 by member: cyd69
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Mine was our family doctor. I am sure it was hard for him to tell me after 20+ years of going to him that it was time. He handled it well...he didn't realize at the time that my hubby was deep into a weight loss program. When Hubby and I went back to him 6 months later, shock was all he could have. Hubby had lost 70 lbs in the year since he had seen him...and I was down 35 lbs in 6 months. He was thrilled with our progress. He gave me a 20 lb goal for the next 6 months. Isn't he awesome! He gives realistic expectations that do not lead to failure. I am hoping to have kicked out more than the 20 lbs by then. I am already down 17 lbs from that last visit and I still have a couple months to go before seeing him again. Good for your hubby to have the strength to show you how much he really does love you...and supporting your efforts is HUGE!
11 Feb 14 by member: kmunson
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Ohiogirl, now the "listening to people" remark makes so much more sense. I totally get it. There will always be those who are happier when you are heavy, either because they can lord it over you or for their own selfish reasons. You were right when you knew that one bite made the difference and there were no days off. So happy for you that you found yourself again. I have made this offer to others, and I'll put it out there again - anyone who wants to vent about the things that piss them off in a PM, if it keep you from eating, send me your emotional garbage, It will probably be highly entertaining for me to read and it could save you 500 calories! Vent your emotion in writing, and don't eat it! Hey, maybe I should start a Challenge: Don't eat it, vent it! Thank you again for sharing your journey. Emotional stuff can be really heavy. Now that you have your head on straight, this will happen for you. I'm right there with you.
11 Feb 14 by member: mrsmole
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I'm crying too! He should teach lessons in using tact!!!
11 Feb 14 by member: BuffyBear
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Cyd69, the motivation for exercise is very difficult, I agree. For me it's even harder because I have a very weak ankle that gives me trouble. But food is easier to control. I totally avoid foods that are tempting and I keep food in the house that is easy to indulge in, like watermelon. I can eat a whole pound of watermelon chunks for 144 calories. Tracking every bite really helps. I hope you stick with it. It's totally worth it when the results begin to show. Thank you for your kind words. Kmunson, your doctor sounds amazing. You mentioned before that even your boss noticed a difference, too. Has your hubby fallen off the wagon a little? What got him started in the first place? Your success must be a bit of a sting that he may want to revisit his pat successes, I hope?
11 Feb 14 by member: mrsmole
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That is wonderful that your husband loves you so much ... and was able to motivate you with love : ) I keep reading journals where people share there reasons and personal struggles and it makes me want to write mine ... although I fear mine would be a small novel if I started writing ! Love the challenge idea ... that would be awesome ... I would totally join that : )
11 Feb 14 by member: chryssm
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