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Sunday was a wash. We were up and out of the house super early to drive mom to the airport ... like 4:45 am!!! We had planned on taking her out to breakfast at a place called the Breakfast Nook that we LOVE!! Really good food and very reasonably priced!! We were too early!! They didn't open until 7:00 am and we got there about 6:45 am so we ended up going to Denny's.
Poor mom. Her flight was messed up and she ended up spending all day at airports!!!
We ended up going to a casino near the airport and spending most of the day there. Needless to say that means I was totally out of my routine, didn't drink enough water, ate the wrong kinds of food, was exposed to much too much nicotine, and so forth. Did we have a good time? Yes. However, the house was pretty chilly when we got home (55) at nearly 8:30 pm, the dog had not been outside to do his business since the wee hours of the morning, and the generator also had not run much (our power plant). Hubby had to work today (and also has an interview for a promotion ... keep your fingers crossed!!) so I volunteered to get a fire going to take the chill off the house, take the dog outside to do his duty, and run the generator for a little bit.
Blue (our dog) was such a good boy!! No messes in the house!! I was super impressed with his bladder control!! LOL!!! He was very happy to see us ... but then if we are gone for an hour he is really happy to see us too!!
I also volunteered to get up early this morning (even though I have the day off work because I am "working" Saturday out of town) to make the coffee and breakfast for hubby to get his day started properly since he does have an interview today at noon. I did set my alarm but it didn't go off. I must of done something wrong. So I woke up when hubby's alarm went off. Somehow I managed to pull it off ... but I was stumbling around quite a bit. After he went to work, Blue and I went back to bed for an hour or so ...
My sleep is not good lately ... mostly due to interruptions from the hot flashes ... so it felt quite luxurious to go back to bed for a bit.
Today my plan is to figure out what I will pack for my trip this week, exercise, drink plenty of water, eat well, and relax. I will probably wash the dishes and maybe putter a bit around here but I have no plans for major housecleaning activities ... just trying to take care of me.
I also need to think about how to keep my eating in line while I'm out of town. That is difficult for me. I understand eating out is a challenge but it seems like I am constantly hungry when I travel. What is up with that?
I have been thinking a lot about where I am with my journey. Funny how warped my perspective can become. Even though I have not weighed in here on fatsecret I do keep a journal at home with weigh-ins and while I have not been weighing daily I have weighed fairly consistently over the past two months. The "gain" I have ... is mostly from this past month ... I actually was doing just fine last month. A couple of pounds up but that is not a big deal ... more just a normal fluctuation!!! And yet ... I have been thinking I have been "out of control" FOREVER!!! Good lord. Stress really does blind us doesn't it?
It is so interesting to me that I feel as "out of sync" as I do. It almost feels like I've lost myself. Though I know where I am and who I am I truly do not 'feel' quite right. I have been through many stressful times in my life in the past couple of years even and haven't quite felt this funky for this long. Maybe I really am getting old and I'm not as resilient as I used to be. Maybe it is all catching up with me ... the past couple of years. Maybe it is just the combination of the sleep disruption with the weather change and coping with hubby's challenges of late.
Whatever it is ... it is. I shall take one step at a time, one moment at a time and it will pass. These certainly will not be my favorite moments when I take the time to reminisce about the past!! LOL!!! However ... it is a part of life ... it is a part of my story and so I want to write it well.
So my buddies ... here is to US!!! To LIFE!!! To being "real" and working at being 'in the moment' as much as is possible so that we are present for our own life.
Today I am grateful for ...
1. not working today
2. being aware that I have been much too hard on myself lately
3. my husband ... even though he is going through difficult times lately I'm still so grateful to have him in my life and wouldn't trade him for easier times ...
4. a place where I can write and people actually find me interesting ... go figure!!
5. knowing that my mother is safely at my aunt's home and will have a total blast these next three months!!!
Have a good day my friends ... I'll do my best!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 15 November 2010:
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737 kcal
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Fat: 17.07g | Prot: 63.82g | Carb: 82.05g.
Breakfast: water, Weight Watchers Yogurt, banana. Lunch: Progresso Light Chicken and Dumpling Soup. Dinner: Smart Ones Salisbury Steak and Asparagus. Snacks/Other: lite jarlsberg cheese, Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat). more...
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2769 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Pilates - 30 minutes, Precor Elliptical - 46 minutes, Resting - 14 hours and 44 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Carol, sounds to me like quite a weekend, and also that you need a good day off, all to yourself! I am saying some prayers for your hubby's interview, and for you, dear friend, that you find some peace. It does appear that you are feeling more like the new Carol, and getting a better perspective on where you are with your journey. I am happy for you. Being in these darker places is so hard, and it is always difficult to figure out what triggers these regressions. As for feeling"out of sync", I have times like that too, where I just don't feel like "me". I feel like I am struggling to stay where I have worked so hard to get, both physically and emotionally. I truly hope that you are "rounding the bend", so to speak, and that better days are ahead for you. I am sending you a pm, with a thought. Have a great day, dear woman....you deserve it! Thanks for being you!
15 Nov 10 by member: ctlss
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Hi Carol! I am keeping my fingers crossed for your hubby. That would be just wonderful for the two of you. Your weekend sounded as though it was hectic and poor mom having to wait all that time. Hope you had some luck at the casino and if not luck maybe fun. I know eating out can really be a trial and it will only be getting worse with the holidays approaching. I am struggling with balance too... just trying different things and shaking it up a bit. I am sorry you are feeling out of sorts. I can relate as I have gone through that myself. Try to keep that anxiety in check and take each day a moment at a time. Yes be kind to yourself and you will get through this. I am always here for you. You know that.
15 Nov 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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Cathy ... I know, thank you!!! I talked to Bob ... the interviews were canceled! One of the interviewers didn't show up for work this morning and he didn't call in ... so they put everything on hold. Sure hope he is okay. Well it is noon my friends and I have been on my elliptical for 46 minutes, did 30 minutes of Pilates and am warming myself up some Progresso soup for lunch. 40 ounces of water in me (or that has passed through me!! LOL!!) and I will soon be wandering upstairs to figure out what to pack for my trip. I need comfortable and I need things I feel good in. I also need to think what I need to pack to help me stay on track. I get so darned snacky when I am out of town. I know if I can get three or four days in a row of being back on track I will start feeling a whole lot better. Of course ... it is the evenings I struggle most with so just because I've done well so far doesn't mean I've got it licked for today!! It is chilly here today. Overcast, damp, and dark. Good day for soup!
15 Nov 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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I get what you mean about feeling out of sync, is it the weather, the time of year, the change in the time? I don't know but I feel the same way? I love that you say stuff like good day for soup, my mom just said that this morning, I think this year has just flew by, and I feel like the more stress the faster it goes. My mom had a major surgery this May and it took her a long time to get well. Yesterday I saw her and she looks so good and I feel like I got panicky just thinking about everything I went through the past year. It is like our bodies’ defense mechanism to finally let us realize what we go through once it comes to an end. So snuggle up in a big comfy sweater and enjoy some down time, keep up the good work.
15 Nov 10 by member: MrsMtkr
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Oh I hope your hubby is alright. Good job on the exercising. I know the nights are the hardest. Why don't you try to leave a bunch of calories for the night time while you are away so you can snack if you want to? It will mean having a bit less during the day but you will be free to snack on what you want. Also I have been doing some research lately and everything that I read says the time you eat does not matter. Why don't you give it a try. Progresso soup is a great thing to get especially with the 0 point one. Not that I count points but I like to see 0. lol
15 Nov 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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Maybe you are finally letting things catch up with you? During the last year, you have had to be the "strong one" in many situations. So you can't let your guard down. Sometimes it all catches up with you when you least expect it. This time of year is always a downer for me--the dark afternoons, the long dark nights, the cold rainy weather, did I mention all the DARK? If anything is lurking in my brain, it tends to strike this time of year. November is always my dark dark month, and then I always feel better after Christmas Eve or New Year's. But I hope you get out of it sooner than that.
15 Nov 10 by member: beets_yum
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Cathy I LOVE the idea of eating light all day long and then if I need ... have a snack fest at night!! Maybe I'll give that a whirl. I can bring protein bars along and they can be lunch and snack and just stay away from the other goodies. The hotel I am staying at has a breakfast buffet so I can have my bar or something from the buffet. It could be fun. I like the number 0 too ... and I don't count points either. I had the Light Chicken & Dumplings soup from Progresso today. Sort of salty but very tasty and a no brainer ... which is definitely what I need these days!! Dinner will be a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones ... again a no brainer. Beets ... I think the catch up thing might be true ... I also think the DARK has impacted me more than usual this year. I hope I get out it sooner than the new year too!!! At least the eating part ... if I keep eating like Miss Piggy I might have to permanently disappear from here from sheer embarrassment!!!
15 Nov 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Gosh! It is just so good to see you on FS again!! How we missed you. Real bummer about the interview. He probably had it all worked up in his head only to have it cancelled. I don't know how you guys do it in the cold. When it is cold here, I get terribly hungry! Hahahaha, Miss Piggy, you are too funny. You better not disappear!! But Cathy's idea sounds good. Holding off until night. Wonder what my excuse is. I'm at home and STILL want to snack. And usually, I have eaten all I am supposed to!! Well, hope you are feeling good now and you have a safe trip. I'll keep looking to see if you are checking in. Have a restful evening Moose and take care.
15 Nov 10 by member: The Next Number
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I think you just need a break, Carol. Stress warps a lot of things - our bodies, our perspectives, our thoughts. Severe enough stress does make us feel "not ourselves". Step back, make sure to take some time to recenter. Re your comment about the dark - I find this time of year REALLY difficult energywise (I thrive in daylight). I've heard that those light simulator things can help for this but I haven't actually gotten one yet so I'm not sure how much. Hang in there.
15 Nov 10 by member: suechru
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Sue ... I have a light thingy somewhere ... bought it for hubby who doesn't use it ... I should look for it!! Oh I am so NOT good at taking a break but I'll try. Thanks!!! And I will most definitely hang in there ... it is better than the alternative!!
15 Nov 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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