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Wow, it just hit me that I've been below my goal weight for over 4 months now. I don't feel like I'm "there" yet. I don't really see myself as being at my ideal weight.
It did feel good Monday when my Zumba Gold instructor said something that made it clear that she thought wished she had a figure more like mine. Sure, she's a bit plump, but she has a full chest while mine has, well, kind of sunk, lol. It shocked me into trying to make myself watch myself in the mirror in class, try to see the real me as I appear to others. Tough gig!
A lifetime of "never quite good enough" or "gross" is hard to change, this self-perception business. I feel great about the hard work I've done, the muscles I've built, the sizes I wear. Still, what I see first is the loose skin on my arms and thighs, the drooping chest, and the poochy belly with a lot of loose skin. I feel good about the healthy meals and snacks I eat, the water I drink, but give myself heck for not stopping at ONE of my energy bars or dark chocolate treats. I want to lose a few more pounds but keep eating just a bit too much to make it happen.
Back when I had a ton to lose I'd think that sounded like a BIG problem I wished I had (yes, that's sarcasm); now, not so much. I need to find balance, acceptance, happiness with this moment I'm living in now.
My partner wants to go on this soup diet that daughter's on, sounds nutty to me, but I agreed to be supportive and maybe shock myself into losing a few more pounds and seeing it's not that much better to be there than here. A little while ago, on the phone, my partner was driving by Huber's Restaurant on the way home and said we needed to make a date night to go there, we hadn't been in a long time.
Sure, & Huber's is where they serve full turkey dinners, all sorts of rich and delicious things; my favorite is a turkey piccata. That's also where they start your meal with the lucious rich beer bread (that inspired my making a healthier version recently)which my partner likes with plenty of butter.
My point? I don't have one, just that life is confusing and always a challenge.
Zumba again this morning, had a good time, though mmy foot hurts quite a bit. Still plan on going tomorrow morning, one of the instructors that I haven't seen in a while is back & her classes are fun (aren't they all?)
Tonight dinner is a big salad from Buster's BBQ with turkey breast, tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, etc., & a dressing I make from their hot BBQ sauce and a bit of Ranch dressing. I already ate enough calories earlier today to eat much more than that, so I hope my partner doesn't also pick up some "treat" for me; I have enough temptations here!
Hopefully I'll have the energy to read and comment on my buddies journals soon; you all make my day when you're in it!
Diet Calendar Entries for 11 April 2013:
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2403 kcal
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Fat: 67.15g | Prot: 143.42g | Carb: 349.83g.
Breakfast: the fruit & no-nut bar: apricot coconut!, Nonfat Pear Greek Yogurt, Fiber One Original, Skim Milk, MEDAGLIA D'ORO INST COF, Water. Lunch: Natural Turkey Jerky, Water, freshly wild super foods Kale Joy original recipe, Pork Hominy White Bean Chili in a Crockpot. Dinner: Dried Pitted Plums, Cheddar Cheese, Energy Bars, Water, BBQ Sauce, Ranch Salad Dressing, Lettuce Salad with Assorted Vegetables, Turkey Breast Meat (Fryer-Roasters). Snacks/Other: See's Cinnamon Lollypops, Crispy Jeju Mandarin Orange Slices, Low Fat Ice Cream Bars - Chocolate Truffle, Water, Dried Apple chips, fuji. more...
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2284 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Housework - 30 minutes, Shopping - 10 minutes, Sitting - 4 hours, Yard Work (gardening) - 30 minutes, Driving - 1 hour, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 8 hours and 50 minutes, Zumba with Denise - 1 hour. more...
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 Comments
Maybe you need a new project? Change 'lose' to maintain and set new goals?
11 Apr 13 by member: FullaBella
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I'm starting to see the saggy skin and extra wrinkles and it is a little frustrating. I finally start to see a change and instead of that sleek slim sexy body I wanted I have a wrinkly one! I've started looking more at what I see that I like. This morning it was my arms. Yes.. I stood in the mirror and flexed my arms making note of every muscle, and every contour.. They aren't a flappy mess anymore. In another couple of months I'll look buff in a tank top! So find something you like and appreciate it! Don't like the extra skin? Put on some spandex and stand in front of the mirror. Maybe this is why people created spandex....
12 Apr 13 by member: Ms Elizabeth
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Ah, spandex...; are you sure I won't have hot pink flags flying under my arms, LOL?! I can feel the loose skin on my thighs shaking under my Zumba pants; luckily they are loose & hide it (I don't care when I'm dancing!)
I am on a maintain RDI and go over it most days. My Zumba burns it off, thank heavens. I do appreciate my muscles, honest! I'm thinking about trying a class called BodyCombat, right after a 30 minute ab class on Saturday. Switch stuff up a bit & focus more on tightening those abs. Hmm, maybe I can tape down the jiggly skin with my hormones patch if I tighten things up enough....TMI !!!! :o)
12 Apr 13 by member: crabby Kat
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I hear you on the wrinkly skin and flabby/flappy bits. I wonder if that's one of the reasons I started going off the diet because I was looking like old (wo)man wrinkle. I don't like it at all. If I was that wrinkly at 180 something what would I be like at 175 or 160? Anyway, I think you look great, you had a pic of you in a swimsuit when I first became buddies with you, I thought you were very brave to post that, but you looked great, a lovely figure. We have to be less critical of ourselves and start to love ourselves. Our bodies may not be perfect but they do great things for us; hold us up, support us, let us run, jump (not so much these days), swim, hug, love. So be nice to yourself today :)
12 Apr 13 by member: sarahsmum
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I bought myself some fitted Zumba capris and a SLEEVELESS burn-out Zumba top today! I'll post a picture when I'm feeling brave enough. I earned, I own, my jiggly bits! They attest to the hard work I've put in to losing the blubber that filled them to sausage tautness. It is easier to hug people now. :o) Isabel, you are too kind. Oh, but so right! Let's be less critical of ourselves starting right this minute. Hugs.....
12 Apr 13 by member: crabby Kat
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My friend said, I've gone from a plum to a raisin :-) and it's true. Like you, I am at the gym alot now. I am giving it a year with a trainer, and if there are still saggy bits, I really might go get them sucked out! Although, I don't think I would actually have surgery, but it's fun to say. Congrats and keep up the good work!
12 Apr 13 by member: LisaLIFL
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