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Countdown: 158 days to make it happen!!
First of all, thank you everyone for your wonderfully motivating and helpful comments to my previous post. It helped a great deal! Whenever I'm going to get hit by that same mood/feelings again, I'll just re-read your comments for inspiration and good feelings. I really appreciate your messages and the time you took to read the fine print in my journal and for writing such personalized advise!
The last two weeks have left me feeling rather up and down and almost like I'm losing steam with my healthy journey. Hence, tonight, I wanted to pick up the reins and enter the arena again. However, before I put on my armor and become Xena, I have a couple things to acknowledge to myself..
1)I've lost 22 pounds over the last five months (gained 7 pounds back in the last two weeks, but let's leave that aside for now). So, this 22 pound-juncture meant a kind of a big deal in many ways as it was like a milestone, people were noticing the difference, clothes fit well and looked good, and I felt like I was so much in charge of my habits.
2) However, the journey is by no means complete, and while I've accomplished 1/3 way, I still have 2/3 more to go. On one hand, it felt like I've learned so much over the last 5 months and figured out what it takes to lose weight, that the next 2/3 didn't feel so daunting---it's almost like being on automaton--if I show up, the weight loss will happen. Nothing more dramatic needed.
3) Thus, on one hand, it seemed easy-going from this point on. And on the other hand, I've also experienced a weird anti-climactic, end-of-the-journey feeling. Sort of like, ok, been there, done that, but don't really feel so different. Even though others have noticed and appreciated the weight loss, after the initial success, I don't really feel much different--it's like the honeymoon period is over and the first blush of love is diminished. Weird, this internal reality doesn't gel with external reality, i.e., the reactions' of others.
Or maybe, it's my "More Mentality" kicking in. That is, since I don't see a dramatic difference in weight, size, or looks, I'm getting despondent with the process.
4) On top of these vague feelings, I've also had other distractions to deal with: my vacation in D.C., the crazy work-deadlines of the last week or so; that terrible talk with my sister, the continued lack of luck on the online dating site (it's slow, and people see my pictures and DISAPPEAR!!!).
5)So, all of these things have compounded to make me start to do the old bad things: work crazy hours, order pizza delivery (five pizzas consumed in two weeks!), not cook anymore, eat more carbs,fats and sodium, be pretty low on water intake, no workouts at all!, not much of journaling, no tracking of points or workouts, etc. etc. In other words, I've fallen off the wagon BIG TIME!!
6) As a result, I've re-gained 7-8 pounds, and now feel terrible: today I was feeling out of breath just by walking! My clothes are tight and uncomfortable, I feel bloated and gross, I feel sluggish (though, surprisingly, I've been rather productive mentally and have gotten good amount of work-stuff recently done)...Anyhow, all these bad behaviors and bad outcomes are starting to create a vicious cycle and are starting to suck me in further to a deeper abyss of feeling worse and worse. So, before I start sinking in deeper, I'm grabbing the reins of control back in my hands!
I have to remind myself how feeling thin makes you feel beautiful, energetic, in-control, happy...and being off the wagon makes you feel so crappy! So, isn't the choice simple??!! It's a no-brainer actually!
So, starting tomorrow, it's back to the basics:
1) Working out first thing in the morning;
2) Start running and lifting weights daily,
3) drink lots of water,
4) JOURNAL and keep track
5) Count points religiously,
6) Keep carbs and fats under wrap!!
That's it. That's all I need to worry about. Everything else will work itself out. The weight, the size, people's opinions, the big event in two weeks and what people will think of me, what my sister and/or her skinny friends and her cute boyfriend thinks of me, what the online guys see or don't see in me....none of that matters right now. It will all work itself out. The only thing that matters is what I put in my body, what I'm subjecting my body to, and what I can do to really enhance and care for it well.
I have tremendous potential---now, it's up to me to realize that potential and use this wonderful gift God's given me, or squander it away and let a perfectly beautiful life go waste--underperformed, underchallenged, and rife with "what if?" or "couda, should, woulda"..
So starting tonight, I'm beginning a countdown: 158 days to the end of 2008--158 days to make my dreams come true--it's really up to me!
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