|
I was thinking of memories I have from my childhood. I never thought that my past effected the way I eat now. I remember that I had to always clean my plate, and not just my plate. I remember feeling worthless if I couldn't finish my ice cream. I was afraid of disapointing the person who bought it for me. I never felt like anyone cared what I had to say. Now I have social anxiety and hate trying to talk to people. I always feel like my words are stupid. I guess it is better to listen instead anyways. I am so busy judging myself, that I'm never able to think about how other people handle things or how they feel when they speak. I just feel crappy lately! Someone called this girl I work with my name, and she got mad and told them that she was better than me. It hurts my feelings, but she is better than me. I used to be very competative and I did well in everything, but now I always feel like I'm out of my league. I feel weak and ugly and not as smart as I would like to be. I like to blame things on my past and my parents, but I guess it is just my fault. Sometimes I really hate myself!
Diet Calendar Entry for 20 June 2008:
|
853 kcal
|
Fat: 32.61g | Prot: 58.44g | Carb: 83.35g.
Breakfast: Chocolate Whey Protein Powder. Lunch: great northern beans, Green Peas (Frozen) , tomato, brown rice. Dinner: aoli, cheese, Rosemary Olive Oil Bread, sirloin steak. Snacks/Other: cranberry, lemon juice, flax seed. more...
|
|
 Comments
i can't believe that someone you work with would be so offended to be called by your name, and then get angry and say that she was better than you?! obviously, she is not. she may be better than you at some tasks in the workplace but she obviously is very lacking in manners and social graces. i too would be truly offended and i think that you have every right to feel that way. i think you're hitting on a very important point - self-esteem. i think it's good that you are thinking about your past and trying to find out the root of the issues that you have. focus on your good qualities, the most important things that you possess. it's a downward spiral to start comparing yourself to other people. being smarter than someone doesn't make you smarter. being prettier than someone doesn't make you prettier. being uglier than someone doesn't make you ugly. :)
23 Jun 08 by member: smallboned
|
"Someone called this girl I work with my name, and she got mad and told them that she was better than me. It hurts my feelings, but she is better than me."
uh, no she's not. You have to remember that no one is better than you. you are the best! all you can be is the best! I agree with smallboned. don't compare yourself to others. there's an expression in french that my mother has tried to ingrain (sp?) on me. it's "Etre Bein Dans sa Peau" it means "to be comfortable in one skin" we have to be ourselves. You can't be her, anymore than she could be you. That girl at work who's so offended: she should be so lucky to be called your name. Obviously there's a reason for that. you stick out in peoples minds and hearts; she doesn't. stop hating yourself and be thrilled of who you are you are a beautiful woman!
secondly, about the "clean-your-plate" Club? I'm a full time member. trust me. but you know what, in China it's offencive if you eat all your food. if you don't leave something on your plate they feel like you aren't full and will try to bring you more. like, eating what they made you isn't enough to satisfy you. Remember that when you're trying to finish off and you're too full to eat it. tell the person that what they did was wonderful and you feel satisfied and can't eat anything else. they won't be offended. and they aren't you mom telling you that people are starving in Africa. (I've been to Africa, it's not all true)
take care of yourself skitz, and keep it up, you can do it!
Skinny Vibes
Ruthi
23 Jun 08 by member: whollybologna
|
| |
|
|
| |
Submit a Comment
You must sign in to submit a comment
|
|
|
Other Related Links
Members
|
skitz600's weight history
|