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Fatsecret is such a revelation to me. The honesty I observe with some people sharing their lives is phenomenal. FS is a whole new experience for me. Most people these days share with others through Facebook, Twitter, or similar sites. Because of my reluctance to show too much of myself, and not wanting to spend big blocks of time looking at the lives of others that I barely know, or a couple of alcoholic relatives, I just didn't get started. But I can remain anonymous on FS. The last couple of years, my husband spends a lot of time on Facebook, which I think is a good thing for him. It keeps him occupied, out of my hair, and keeps his mind as active as possible, as does Fox News.
However, he would like me to spend several hours a day, sitting with him at the computer as he “cruses” around opening ad after ad, and going back and forth to things I just can't get interested in. And if I don't read out loud to him everything he sees, he reads so slow (English is a second language) I go crazy sitting there. He is hard of hearing, and often slow in comprehension now, with age. I repeat to him often “I don't do Facebook, so I can't answer your question”. He wouldn't remember the answer a month, or less, from now anyway. An example: yesterday he asked me how to turn the sprinklers on. From the man that programmed the sprinklers ever since we had an automatic system. Will I eventually have to learn to program them? I won't do Facebook just so I can tell him that. He isn't interested in dieting so I'm safe on Fatsecret.
When I dated my husband, I talked to him a lot about what was going on in my life. Maybe that's why I fell in love with him and married him. It was also the right timing in my life for a young girl to fall in love, and he was the one I was dating at the time. But we didn't really talk about ideas. He was from northern Italy, up above Venice, had only been in this country two months, and did not speak English. I laughingly say I smiled in Italian. I was 16, he 22. We spent our time with me teaching him our language.
But he is not complicated. I was unhappy at home so talked a lot about my home life, and my feelings. He liked that I was sensitive. I liked that he listened. Even with all our difficulties, which are many, we have had a great love. But he rarely expresses his feelings. Maybe he doesn't really have many. When he had a beard, one lady (single middle aged intelligent woman) described him as a teddy bear with a stainless steel spine. I thought that was very appropriate. When asked about me, she said I scared her, but I never learned what that was about.
I allowed my life to revolve around “doing”. Sometimes working, married, running a home, raising 2 children. I would say both my husband and I are loners. Me from fear of not being accepted by others, and the pain locked inside of me, and he from not wanting to even explore ideas. He said he did not want to talk about “what if”. One friend told me that I was the most honest person she ever knew. She also told me that I had a better marriage than others she knew that she could count on the fingers of one hand. That must have been during a good period. But she didn't know how much I struggled inside, how critical my husband was of me, and how much he and I struggled.
Most people have best friends, plus an array of others, somewhere between friendship and acquaintances. People have, all my life, become frustrated with me. I don't grow and develop like others, and am resistant to change. As soon as they see my own frustration and pain, they make suggestions for ways for me to deal with life, and when I don't do what they suggest, or I am not able to see things their way, they become frustrated with me. As soon as I see their frustration, I back off from having discussions with them. I don't like people having expectations of me to be able to do what they do, or think the way they think.
Have you heard others say, or said yourself: “If I can do it, so can you”. Well maybe they believe that, but it never gave me much confidence. It seems in my life, I have to find the confidence inside myself, to be able to proceed. I've never had relationships that lasted long enough for their regard, affection, or support to influence my life much. The message to me came across “I am frustrating”, so I continued to hide.
I appreciate the support I see on FS. There is very little criticism, but individuals trying to give confidence and suggestions. Thank you all on FS, that have given me, and all the others, your support, friendship, and even your time to write comments. You are all exceptional, to continue trying for a better life, and more health: body, soul, and spirit.
Eating window 7 hours.
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108.2 lb
Lost so far: 10.6 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 03 April 2019:
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1122 kcal
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Fat: 82.35g | Prot: 47.66g | Carb: 53.52g.
Breakfast: Coffee. Lunch: Animal Fat or Drippings, Egg, Trader Joe's Uncured Apple Smoked Bacon. Dinner: Chicken Broth (Home Recipe), Green Peas (Frozen), Yellow Sweet Corn, Cooked Mushrooms (Fat Added in Cooking), Cooked Green String Beans (from Fresh), Cooked Carrots, Trader Joe's English Cucumber, Olive Oil, Trader Joe's Balsamic Vinaigrette, Organic Girl Super Spinach. Snacks/Other: Kar's Roasted Salted Cashews. more...
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losing 0.7 lb a week
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