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I am having a lot of concerns today about my health. I feel absolutely terrible - I think I have posted here before that I am bipolar. I am struggling with my mental health today, and have been for the past few days. It is so bad that I actually think I am going to have the courage to quit my job. I also feel very guilty right now that I may have that option. All this being said, the pressure of the decision is really affecting my weight loss today. My appetite has been so forced the past few days. I am actually forcing myself to eat, which is not natural. I even made pasta tonight with zucchini and low carb pasta, and normally that is a meal that I absolutely love. It tasted really good, but I had to make myself eat it, which is so not like me. And I can't be held accountable today. I am so distracted with my bipolar disorder that I have trouble remembering all the food I ate, when I ate it, how many times I ate it, the servings, counting the carbs, etc. Even when Fat Secret does most of it for you. I feel like I should be able to let go, and trust and believe that tomorrow is another day. I don't have to be perfectly accountable every single second of every day. I can let the calorie logging go for one or two days if it's too much pressure. I can not go to the gym if I am not up to it that day. I do feel a responsiblity to walk my dog every day whether I feel like it or not. That has been helping me. But I just want to forget I'm dieting for today. I just want to do things that improve my mood, light and fluffy things. I just want to read a magazine. I just want to draw. I am actually kind of freaked out right now by the radio and tv - I love listening to the radio and watching tv, but I don't trust my thoughts right now, if that makes any sense. I feel so pulled down by the negative and the darkness, and my food issues are a big part of that. I just want to feel sweetness and light again, even if that sweetness is a couple of packets of Sweet N Low in a cup of decaf coffee.
Diet Calendar Entry for 30 October 2012:
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783 kcal
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Fat: 41.50g | Prot: 58.11g | Carb: 41.75g.
Breakfast: Oikos plain greek yogurt, strawberries, Oscar Meyer turkey bacon. Lunch: McDonalds bacon ranch salad with grilled chicken. Snacks/Other: Atkins endulge nutty fudge brownie. more...
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 Comments
Hang in there; you know yourself, you know this will pass. Listening to music and drawing sound like a great combination. Take care of yourself.
30 Oct 12 by member: crabby Kat
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Hang on there, Dollie. You can deal with that. You are fully aware of what is going on with you, so you can overcome it. Take it easy and let yourself relax a little bit. Tomorrow will be better. Try to have a good night sleep. We are with you and wishing you well.
30 Oct 12 by member: Ingria
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You will be fine in a short while from now, I am sure. Thoughts are just thoughts - not facts. You are not bipolar - you are a person with a diagnosis of bipolar - separate yourself from the label. It's like saying, "I am diabetes" - no, you are a healthy person with a diagnosis of diabetes. And, you know diagnoses are just a bunch of symptoms grouped together in the stupid DSM to give us all a common language - you have managed your symptoms before, and will do so again. Relax, take it easy, and recognize that thoughts are just thoughts - not facts. You are OK - patience and rest always helps.
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HCB speaks the truth...Thinking of you!
02 Nov 12 by member: jessabridge4444
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