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The scale was up again this morning. I can only attribute it to the hard walk I did yesterday. I know it doesn't seem much, but less than 4 weeks post op of my abdominal procedure and it was strenuous. They recommend some strenuous walking and that is what I did. Although, I had to ice last night and this morning I am sore! Tomorrow is the official weigh day so whatever the scale reflects tomorrow I will post it. I am not going to be to concerned, but on the other hand the cold turkey on hormones does has me stressing over things.
Yesterday, I had a break down on the phone with my stepdad. He said I sounded good and I started crying. I try to sound good. You know smile until it sticks sort of thing. I didn't mean to break down and I was sobbing. I miss my Mama everyday but I NEED her so bad right now. I need her to tell me what to expect. She went through this. I have her genes!! I just...I know needing her will not make her magically appear, but the knowledge of that doesn't stop me needing her so badly at this time of my life. So there was that break down. I am sure some is hormones but some is just still being so raw with her gone.
So the hormones...I stress over that. Surgical menopause is not like natural menopause. In natural menopause your body gets to start weaning itself off of all these hormones. Surgical menopause they just stop...that is it. So I stress is the weight gain due to the menopause. I stress about my skin changing and premature aging. I am not so full of myself, but I am only 48 too and I don't want to age prematurely...I know it sounds dumb. I told my stepdad that too, and I know go back to genetics my Mama was beautiful! I stress over mood swings. I stress over fog brain. I stress over crepe skin.
Then to talk myself off the ledge. I was stressing over the headaches I was waking up with daily, but they stopped. I am stressing over pre-mature aging, but my Mama looked GREAT. I am stressing over weight gain from menopause, but I know I am eating healthy. I am stressing over working in weight training eventually but I know when the time comes and I am released I will do it and that will only make me healthier and contribute to controlling weight gain. I am stressing over crepe skin and I have read into collagen and will start adding that. Which will help towards my gut health and bone health and skin health. I stress about my ability to focus and do my job and stay on top of everything, but I think that exercise and food and the right supplements will help me with that.
So my next post op is Jan 30th and I will talk to my Dr about all of these concerns and supplements that I can take to maybe help. I think journaling will probably help me more than I realize and that is what I will do too. I will journal it all out and maybe just doing so will help me find myself again. Wow that is a profound statement "help me find myself again". I didn't realize how true it felt until I wrote it. I do feel disconnected with myself right now. Who I am. Will I be the same person.
I have my NREMT coming up. This is the National test for my EMT certification. Not sure I mentioned that here, but I volunteer with the fire station. Right after I came back from my Mama passing we immediately started those classes and they lasted until mid December. I passed the class and clinicals. Now time to take the NREMT (I didn't have time to take it before my surgery). So I am stressing over that too.
Okay that is the end of my menopause post. On a good note I slept the BEST I have slept since surgery, last night. I was so tired (like most nights), but I fell asleep by 9pm. I woke at 10:32pm; I was hot and had slept hard and felt like it must be much later. I was surprised at the time. Then I woke at 3am, but both times I went back to sleep once the hot flash passed and it was quickly.
I hope you all have a great day and I apologize for the Debbie Downer post.
Diet Calendar Entry for 15 January 2019:
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1306 kcal
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Fat: 88.50g | Prot: 103.00g | Carb: 7.47g.
Breakfast: Plexus Slim Plexus Slim, Green Mountain Coffee Breakfast Blend K-Cup, Nutiva Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil, Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter. Lunch: Best Foods Real Mayonnaise, Mission Pork Rinds, Bumble Bee Solid White Albacore Tuna in Water (2 oz). Dinner: Corned Beef Radish Hash. more...
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