DAZEY_iz_Well's Journal, 03 August 2023

seeing if others relate: Like there is nothing more that I want then to lose the weight I've gained yet there is a small part of me FEARING the attention that will come with weight loss. Sounds crazy I know... But, being honest here: I've survived r@pe 2x in my life... part of gaining weight meant I wasnt as desirable, yet I want to be desired by the right person(moreso mind then body)...ya know that joke: eat cake and you are harder to kidnap?? Precisely...my excitement for progress is still here. But, today my excitement strangely turned to fear when visualizing where I wanna be and just thought I'd share ...
190.0 lb Lost so far: 27.0 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.
losing 8.4 lb a week

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Comments 
Rape is not about what you look like. It's about violence and power. Elderly women are raped. If you are concerned about your vulnerability then make yourself strong, physically and mentally.  
03 Aug 23 by member: -MorticiaAddams
Very true. I never made the connection between my weight gain and past events until it was talked about within the Glow Approach workbook. It was a subconscious shield to deflect potential interested men; just didn't want attention. When it did happen regardless, I was nervous, and filled with anxiety. Flashbacks, intense fear....My husband and I met originally at our old job, but got to know each thru playing video games together/talking on the phone. At first, we had many short , brief in person meets until our first date.  
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
It’s a control thing for a lot of survivors. I’m one as well. You’re not in control of what happened so this is a form of taking back control. It’s a stepping stone until you start healing. Thank you for your vulnerability. It’s not weird, and you’re not alone. But it’s part of the healing process 🥰♥️ if you’re not already connected to a specialized counselor for victims of violent times, I really encourage you to find one you’re comfortable with. ♥️ 
03 Aug 23 by member: annamommy
wow thanks for sharing.... strength to you.... sounds crazy but maybe add Brazilian Jujitsu that way you get a great workout and you become a badass. My daughter was strangely at the same place I spent 2 years training her in martial arts and she thanked me the other day said she feels so much more confident and was not scared to hide her looks anymore so I can relate.  
03 Aug 23 by member: New_Wayne
Sorry to hear that!  
03 Aug 23 by member: davidsprincess
I had this very moment. I did exactly what you did. Part of my acceptance of weight gain was a survival tactic. Let the panic feeling in as best as you can to process. Even if you can not do it all at once. The wound is trying to heal.  
03 Aug 23 by member: unity1234
Cheese thank you!! Im working on feeling safe in body mind and environment!  
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
Carry around pepper spray 
03 Aug 23 by member: Supergainz1
Sent that with so much love. 🧡🧡🧡 you are worth this. you are worthy of feeling good about yourself.Letting the hurt in is the way to heal it. 💙 
03 Aug 23 by member: unity1234
annamommy- thanks for sharing! yes I do have a therapist. Therapy has opened a lot of doors to understanding. I'm doing EMDR to heal past trauma! I'm sorry you went thru something too. It's a tough road to traverse! 
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
Supergainz1- thanks, YES I do! Especially in the city! 
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
I think that is very common. Hugs 
03 Aug 23 by member: cindylynnwho
waynearendse, crazy part is, after I was expelled from high school, for carrying a knife after the first time. I fell in love with weightlifting and boxing. Then I discovered MMA... trained for about a year, before the coach went back to Chicago. 2nd time, he was an army guy and knew how to counter me. My training almost helped. 
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
davidsprincess- thank you. It's getting easier to talk about at the very least/come to terms! 
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
unity1234- that is very reassuring! I appreciate it.  
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
cindylynnwho- it is!! Hugs!  
03 Aug 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
I'm so sorry this happened to you and please don't stop losing weight because of it, I will definitely keep you in my prayers that God will heal and protect you always. 
03 Aug 23 by member: buenitabishop
so sorry to hear that what you been threw and dealing with weight loss is so very hard iv been trying for a long time but can't seem to loose the weight not going but staying at this number that don't go down I eat healthy I walk I work part time it's hard but we can do this.. 
03 Aug 23 by member: annette fargo
🩷🩷 Don't have advice, just sending support. I'm sorry you went through that!🩷🩷🩷 
03 Aug 23 by member: Diana 1234
Lift more weights or something, damn. 
03 Aug 23 by member: frankly_francesca

     
 

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