HungryTiefling's Journal, 10 March 2021

Sorry you're struggling. Try to think about the things that you DO have control of, and focus on impacting those things. You can't control everything, but you CAN control some things. Do whatever you can to ease your load and to make your life more enjoyable. 

Hungry, it seems you have a lot going on right now. I agree with Debbie. I hear you. When Iam tiered I also eat mindlessly. I think you are having a rough patch. This too will pass. You are going to be ok. Self care is never selfish. Bubble bath. A cup of soothing tea or a glass of wine anything that you can just do for yourself even a tiny manicure that you paint your nails anything that can help you feel a little bit better that you did something for yourself will start the upward trend of doing things for you. Once you’ve taken care of you, you can show up for everybody else. I hope this gets better for you.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ 

Take it one day at a time Hungry, God will see you through. I'm praying for you 🙏🏽 

Take this with a grain of salt as non solicited advice (that I still often have trouble following myself :) Make you a priority right now, it sounds as if you are a busy momma during a pandemic. As the caretaker you are vital to your family and sounds like you're feeling that strain...As that person you need to understand your value and as someone so valuable care for yourself the way you would a prized possession. Like the others said, take a bath, go for a walk all by yourself with fav audio, ask your partner to jump in so you can do you, then offer the same to them. Set sleeping boundaries with the kiddos, mine will come wake me up and I'll get up and snuggle on couch or her bed for 5 - 10 minutes then tuck her back in...my bed is sacred and I treat it that way. Remember you are amazing and deserving of amazing things. I truly hope you feel better soon.  

It will get better. Promise.🎈 

When all is said and done, the things you will remember in 10 years will be that warm snuggling little guy who crawls in bed with you, and the funny things you shared with your kids. One step at a time gets you through it all. Cry to get rid of the stress when you need to and go on. God bless! 

Well, I've been there. If it helps fluffy boy looks a little like Princess Leah? Don't pack down the emotions, try putting the kids to bed early on Friday, open a bottle of wine and give you and your hubby a chance to air out stress in a supportive way. You be his shoulder and he can be yours. I e found these evening venting sessions to be very soul cleansing as long as we stay away from the blame game. 

Cat doesn't look happy. 

stay strong! 

Debbie, Ocean Girl and Ettenauj are right. I fully support what they are saying. You are so young, so beautiful and have so much ahead of you. If someone had told me what I am about to tell you 30 years ago, my life & health would be a lot different now. I had my 1st heart attack at 32. There was no arm pain, some pressure but no chest pain. I thought it was an anxiety attack at first, which was easily explained by what I walked into right before it happened. In moments I realized it wasn't. A month later I had my 2nd. Doc recommended getting my affairs in order, I wouldn't see 33. A good night's sleep, a nap, a couple hours for you, or a morning, or an afternoon, will do you wonders. Without you, none of this will matter. Thirty years from now it won't matter because it will be long past, but damage to your heart stays with you for life, if you survive it. That laundry room cry is your body's way of telling you - too much pressure, open the exhaust vent or I'll blow it open for you. Honey, Wonder Woman is a fictional character with perfect hair no matter what happens, she never ages, or gains weight, or cracks. Miracle Mom's are real though & you are one of them. Sounds like you have enough on your plate to crack an iron skillet without adding more to it yourself. Imagine all the demands on you as those red Staples buttons. Someone walks up, they smash the button, you jump to fill the order. Now imagine those buttons super glued all over your chest. Put on a sweater, think of it as your own personal invisible cloak. When too many demanding 'customers' walk in the door, pull it closed. When the 10pm MILs in life come a calling, close the cloak. Slip out for your 'mid-shift break'. Let someone else man the counter. If the demanders can't find the button, they can't push it, including you. Your time is a bank teller window or an ATM box. Service many a day & Very efficiently when all is running right, always one customer at a time and that's the one that's front & center. If the till isn't filled, no more quick withdrawals, closed sign goes up, lights go dim. As for, you can't crack, Honey, you did and that's ok. The world didn't end, the shaking house of cards held it's ground, he didn't have to deal with it, & you let off some pressure without a blow out. It's ok to have a little meltdown. So you cracked, that's ok. You're a Mom and mom's know a Lot about figuring out & fixing a Lot of things. You didn't shatter into pieces, you could have, but you didn't. You're tired, overworked, under rested, overly demanded, and underappreciated. Some of that comes from you. Miracle Moms are Wonder Woman, to their babies, & that is All that matters, no matter what. They have hearts that break, feelings that crack, BUT they bounce back from it & can do so with perfect hair. Lighten up on yourself, take care of you, it's OK to. It's necessary! Take care of your body so it can take care of you & keep you around for the next generation or 2 to come. Doc said I wouldn't see 33. I'll be here to meet my first great grandchild. he can't explain that one. Miracle Mom's are real Honey, just look in the mirror. 

P.S. - I'm missing something because this whole shouting into the void thing makes about as much sense to me as when my niece jumped up, slammed her hands onto her hips and stomped her foot while shouting - I'm an adult da** it! - at her then boyfriend. I had just walked in so I repeated her moves and said - and so am I. - We still laugh about that one 20 years later. The kids, now parents themselves, remember it too. You've got a Lot of support here Hungry. Life is all about the moments you make in the process of living. Make them good memories. Let the hardships bring you closer, not push you a part. With the way some modern technology is over used for convenience, it is easier than ever to lose close bonds and distance from direct interaction when times are tough. Let yourselves be a rock for each other in your hard times and good times. We can support you, but we are not 'in it' with you day to day and weekends too. Show that little guy how life works through all times good and bad by being an example to him of how you are to each other. Kids absorb more than we realize when they are little. Let out the bad so there's more room to let in Lots of the good. Those last few pounds will melt off in the process.  

Thanks all. I get so mentally over burdened. There's so much more at play here and sometimes it overwhelms me. I'm feeling better now with time (and caffeine lol).  

Hugs to you HungryTiefling. and I agree with MagickalMeg.