Ninjapanda's Journal, 27 July 2011

"I'm good at being single....relationships... -___-".. Hi are you living in my head??? seriously I rock at being single... relationships scare the living crap out of me and I am not afraid to admit it.. 2 months is not a long time but if it is the longest you have ever commited to someone perhaps it is the longest she has commited to someone? or perhaps she has been really hurt in the past so this time she is holding back a bit just incase this relationship goes the same way? This is a new relationship and long distance in any relationship puts a strain on things, perhaps it is just the distance making things difficult.. how far away is she? and how long is it until you guys are in a closer proximity to each other? I know she is coming to see you soon so maybe sit down and have a talk about things and see where she is at, I don't think she is hiding anything but perhaps just a little scared...  

that should be 3 months not 2.. .sorry I have fat fingers and didn't proof read that before I sent it lol 

lmao! naw shes a relationship kind of girl. Shes about 2 hours away but since i dont have a car and she rarely gets access its very difficult for us to see each other. Her webcam also broke and its a serious fail.....We're gonna have to talk. I'm the one always thinking well the longer it is the more chance she has to hurt me in the end. Why deal with that? I'm effin awesome at being a single and being a player....But then i feel like a douche and hate myself but i always somehow get over it lolz. Idk relationships freak me the hell out! 

There is a reason I have been single for 4 years.. and have an FWB... there is a commitment to the FWB thing but quite honestly it is not a relationship... and no one seems to get it. To be quite honest when I am in a relationship I feel full of anxiety and I always wait for the other shoe to drop so to speak... I am by no means a player but commiting to someone is not on the top of my list lol It is really stupid and I thought that would change as I got older but I am 28 and I am still like 16 year old me.. terrified of anything relationship oriented. 

Communication in the best. try talking to her. Maybe she is feeling some reservations as well and doesn't know how to bring it up? Maybe she wants to be sure you really want a full on committed relationship? Girls are weird. You never really know WHAT they are thinking until you really ASK....and it's usually NEVER what you think they're thinking. LOL. Just my 2 cents. Long distance is always hard. I hope you guys find ways to see each other more. =) 

FWB!!!! thats awesome! I have asked her and she says its nothing. I'm probably just crazy. Girls are weird rawr.....i'm just flip a table and go hulk (JK) i'm such a boy....i need help with this nonsense meh.  

Boys are just as confusing and crazy as girls honestly lol  

and pixi I think you stepped into my head "...when I am in a relationship I feel full of anxiety and I always wait for the other shoe to drop so to speak..." OMG I still feel that way with Josh...I just don't tell him this b/c it bugs him. And we all know when a girl says nothing, its usually something. And to me, 3 months is a while b/c besides my daughter's dad and now Josh, there was a running joke that no man lasted longer than 4mos with me...I always dumped them around that marker. Honestly, was tempted to dump Josh around that time as well...I dunno why I stuck it out but I'm glad I did. Give it some time maybe.  

LOL my longest relationship on record is 3 years and 2 of my relationships lasted that long... the first one when I was 18 I was actually engaged to the guy and then I found out he was cheating on me so I called the wedding off... the second one he was a jerk and he also cheated on me... and i was too dumb to see it which is how it lasted 3 years. Now any guy is lucky to even get 2 months out of me.. so I just quit dating all together lol besides I have yet to find someone that can handle all the awesome I contain... one day I will... I hope lol 

@pixi - "I have yet to find someone that can handle all the awesome I contain... one day I will... I hope lol" literally just loled. No i know i'm awesome and so do you i see! Gotta have confidence in yourself right? Sorry to hear about your relationships though....also idk women are passive agressive and crazy haha. @nochubbymom - i will. If we last till 5 months i already have the 6 month anniversary planned out. yes i know its its silly to think that far ahead but i can't help it. Can't wait to get back to school so we can see each other more often and have "adult times" as you guys put it lmao.  

That's cute that you have something planned. Our 6month anniversary will sadly be spent at his brother's wedding...his future SIL hates me and his ex is in the wedding party...heh...someone just hook me up to an alcohol IV NOW! ;) lol gotta love my life 

@Pixi: I found out after my daughter's dad and I split that he had not only cheated on me the entire 3 1/2 yrs we were together (which I suspected but didn't have proof) he also BRAGGED about it at work. He still won't admit it, I had a mutual friend finally crack and tell me. Then after grilling a few more ppl had the story confirmed...even though we had been split for well over a year at this point, I was double fisting drinks that night and thought I was dying the next day! literally was laying in my shower in the fetal position trying to keep my stomach and intestines in my body LOL classy moment for me if I do say so myself 

aww shucks....Also what is SIL? hahah oh jeez. We'll get your favorite mixed up in that baggy and hook you right up for the wedding haha. Wow guys are douches.... i kinda understand why you were in the position you were after hearing that news. :( At least now you have a super hot boy who treats you well :) 

"sister in law" hehe she has 1/2 a brain I swear. Her wedding colors are purple and brown...w t f...even straight men know those don't go together! lol I was single for about 3years for the most part. He's pretty good, but he's been screwed over too...however, I did have a friend of his tell me that he's way more affectionate towards me in public than he was with the ex & always keeps me near by when we're out  

LOL I am a bag of mixed nuts... I know I am awesome but sometimes I also feel not awesome...which is something I am really working on lol not all women are passive agressive, infact I am one that just out with what I am thinking and how I am feeling.. some guys don't handle that well lol I also think I scare them a bit as I am quite the tomboy - seriously shopping who does that??? Give me a 4x4 and I am good to go lol @shanna sounds like we have dated from the same douch canoe infested waters lol  

ok i would like to say i very much enjoy shopping haha. Boots, heels, dresses, and then we have ties,mens dress shirts, and boxers. Can you say confused? @shanna - on that note your sister in law should be smacked. Those are awful colors together. Eesh. True not all women are passive agressive aka me. I'm super straight forward, holding grudges takes too much effort. @pixi - You have to look in the mirror and be like you know what... i am awesome. True story. Someone would be lucky as hell to have me but i deserve the best and Vogue! But for serious you sound pretty awesome guys just dont know any better.  

Ok I get the shoe/boot shopping but other than that count me out... lmao I am a disaster when it comes to clothes... and honestly the guys I would date all friend me and then I am one of the guys and not dateable.. I am a hot mess seriously . 

oh honey (im a gay man at heart i swear) spend a day with me and i can tell you how to use that tomboysiishness to your advantage. ;) or just ask shanna who shows her butt off to her friends. heh 

bahahaha...I'm not a fan of shopping...the boyfriend shops more than I do! I like to know what I want, go in, get it and be done with it! Since losing weight, I've found most my old clothes, but I'm seriously lacking...this past weekend it was "babe, you need new pants...babe you need new bras...babe you need..." AHHHH before his ex practically ruined him, he would have taken me shopping but he's not as generous after that blood sucking b!tch LoL I have repressed anger? hehe @Pixi...I effin love that comment "sounds like we have dated from the same douch canoe infested waters" made my day! @Ninja: did I mention its a snow white themed wedding and the music selection for the ceremony will be from the snow white disney soundtrack and they have this whole production planned for it? I just laugh every time someone starts talking about it! OH OH OH...and the men are wearing brown converse and guess what so are the women!!! Picture that a purple dress with BROWN CONVERSE SNEAKERS!!! And I don't mean to offend but she's also mormon...the most racist, narrow minded religion ...this wedding is a pure joke.