Butterfly30's Journal, 22 July 2009

Okay so the workout with Jennifer Alcorn was not all bad! However, I must be honest when I say that I was so afraid of the unexpected! Before the boot camp experience, I called one of my friends and said "I am not doing this crap” I am 250 pounds and do not want to embarrass myself by jumping and running around. I said, “like he*! will I be doing this." My poor friend said "You do not have to do anything that you don't want to, but please just come for me." I thought fine! My heart pounded out of my chest in fear of what people would think if I could not keep up with the class. I can remember in P.E. as a kid being the last one pick for any sport activity. Needless to say, here I am a in my 30’s with the same childhood fears.

I decided to tell the truth about this weight-loss as it is not all pretty and it is not all fun...Sometimes it freaking hurts emotionally as well as physically. For example, I went to Subway yesterday for at low cal sandwich. The woman making my sandwich said, "You remind me of my daughter chubby, with a pretty face and fat chicks!" All I could say was, “thanks; I think?” So we who battle the bulge get a lot of crap...sometimes it wears on me. Now my lovely GB (Gym Buddy) who shall remain name less, when explaining about how I am tired and scared to do this boot camp had NO sympathy! At first, I was pissed with my GB and asked my GB not to talk to me for having what I thought of as lack of compassion for me. However, I am a processor and my GB’s words resounded in my head during the night. "Be proud of what you have accomplished so far; right now you are just laying the foundation." Which leads me to another quote that I heard "The stronger the foundation the greater the structure." How profound my little Ant is...bouncing around like the Energizer Bunny. :D Yeah, I think my GB knows a little more than I do about this whole battle of the bulge and I am so tremendously blessed to have such a person in my life! Even in my feelings of inadequacy and even in my little black hole that I am so comfortable in, my GB is reaching through that hole and saying, "Take my hand! I will pull you out and I will run with you!"

For that I am so grateful!

God bless...

The Butterfly~

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1028 kcal

Fat: 47.41g | Prot: 79.11g | Carb: 73.16g.   Breakfast: Shred cheese, Turkey Franks, V8 100% Vegetable Juice, Instant Oatmeal - Lower Sugar Maple and Brown Sugar, eggs. Lunch: Lighten Up Balsamic Vinagrette Dressing, Tender Garden Dole, Turkey pattie. Snacks/Other: Body Fortress protien, 100 Calorie Smart Pop, Original Powder Creamer, one A day, splenda packets, water, coffee, Fiber choice. more...