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My first Journal entry, my first day to Fatsecret. I'm not changing my eating habits today, I want to see how badly I've been eating. It's hard to realize how easily and quickly all of these calories can add up.
I'm feeling helpless at this point. My entire life my weight has had a slow and steady incline. It's never bothered me as much as everyone else is bothered by it. I have the, ya know, the whole, "You're beautiful no matter what!" kind of thought process. I still agree with it, but it's dangerous to be obese.
I haven't felt so backed into a corner to lose weight until my boyfriend, who is fit, had mentioned my health so many times. The argument has gone from, "You need to eat better to be healthier!" to, "What if you gain weight? I find you attractive now, but I can't control that." It makes me feel so terrible.
Half of me thinks that if he really loved me, then he would just take me as I am, as I was when we began dating. Yet, the other half of me knows that I need to do something about my health. Especially when my lineage isn't clean when it comes to health complications. It ranges everywhere from Diabetes to Fibromyalgia.
When I dress up, do my hair, and put make-up on, I feel pretty, but when I look in the mirror I see that I'm really just polishing a turd. I'd like to wear some of the fashions today too, so shouldn't that be enough motivation? I don't know. I just don't know.
Ultimately, I need to do this for myself. Yet, why is it so hard to want a healthier lifestyle for myself? I can't seem to find that motivation...
Diet Calendar Entry for 14 August 2014:
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2301 kcal
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Fat: 101.98g | Prot: 58.20g | Carb: 296.13g.
Breakfast: 7-Eleven French Vanilla Cappuccino, M&M Meat Shops Battered Zucchini Sticks, Water, Nature Valley Breakfast Biscuits. Lunch: Starburst Original Fruit Chews, Nestle Kit Kat (Fun Size), McDonald's Double Cheeseburger, McDonald's French Fries (Medium). Dinner: Multigrain Bread, Trader Joe's Strawberry Jam, Skippy Creamy Peanut Butter. more...
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 Comments
Welcome! Losing weight is the best thing for your health. He wants you to be healthy. If you want to lose 40 lbs, you will have to work hard for it. It's not easy, but most people here are doing it. It's good that you are logging your foods. That is the first step. Study what you eat and think how could you improve it.
14 Aug 14 by member: Deb_N
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14 Aug 14 by member: Deb_N
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I can relate to pretty much everything you say....motivation and sticking to it are the hardest parts for me but I have found that this website is incredible at helping with both! Good luck to you!
14 Aug 14 by member: onemiamidolfan
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I can relate too. In some ways the comments by others has hindered my healthy decisions in the past. I have a rebellious spirit and it just irks me to no end when I feel like people are telling me what to do...even under the guise of "for your health"...but I've come to a conclusion. I'M MAKING THE DECISIONS...whether I decide to stay the way I am, or I make a change. Either way I am in control. For a long time I dug my heels in because I didn't like being pushed...Now I know no one can make me healthy but me...and there is power in that. I hope you treat yourself well. Do whatever you decide to do out of love for yourself.
14 Aug 14 by member: Hipaagrammy
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Welcome Kehfeh! Thirty-something years ago I probably could have written much of your same post. OK, I didn't own that "you're beautiful no matter what" thing at that time. That took a few more years. And honestly I still feel that way. I also think you're really smart to look at what you're eating now. I agree, it can be pretty eye-opening. Especially when you look at it and wonder what kind of nutrition you're getting out of it. I can tell you that what changed for me is that I simply got tired of feeling like crap. The effects of carrying the extra weight are cumulative over the years. It really does take a toll. And i'll tell ya that the longer it goes, the harder it is to move. And the bad food habits keep getting worse. And you find yourself in positions out with friends or your boyfriend and when everyone wants to walk somewhere that's a good distance, you know you're going to be wiped out and need to sit down a couple times en route. It's a slippery slope to me when the motivation to lose is linked to someone else's approval of your appearance. Maybe I'm selfish but when I stopped battling the idea of losing weight for someone else and did it for me and for my own comfort, I found my motivation ;-) I'm betting yours is in there too! I'll be watching to see it really come to life.
14 Aug 14 by member: Vickie 5966
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You can do it Kefeh! My all time high was 232 and slowly, but surely that number went down. Log everything in your food diary and start by reducing your calories every day- bit by bit.
14 Aug 14 by member: Hey Chakalina
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Wise words speaks Vickie!!! My story is the very opposite. My significant other always said 'I love you just the way you are' no matter what size I was. I was the one that hated my own guts. It didn't help in my weight loss, that attitude just made me miserable. Me thinks if you look for health and healthy ways, the pounds coming off is a derivative. That's where my weight loss journey started being successful. So maybe if you start reading on nutrition and the crap you're being fed by companies, maybe that'll spark the desire to eat more healthy. As one member said, a healthy person has 1000 desires, a sick one has only one. Health should always come first. Good Luck on your journey!
14 Aug 14 by member: NowIunderstand
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