blueowl88's Journal, 12 January 2021

It begins with how you are feeling. You need to find the right mindset and that begins with "self talk", the things we think to ourselves. Be good to yourself and think positive when you reach an accomplishment, no matter how small. Forgive yourself when you slip up and you will. You'll need to work exercise in as soon as you are able. It will help build a positive outlook. I read your goals and they're very good. I hope to see you start moving toward where you want to be. 

Been there. I must agree with Les, take pride in the small goals. Try a simple selfcare routine before bed - wash and moisturize, force yourself. Then celebrate for the small beginnings that will push you forward to bigger things.  

You can do this!! One day at a time, small changes over time. Believe in yourself!  

have you tried smoothies for the sweet tooth? 

There are therapists that specialize in food addiction. It's ok to ask for help. ❤️ 

Yes, to all the suggestions given! Hang positive affirmations on your mirror so you can see them as you het ready. How long ago did you start the anti depressants? Remember it takes at least 6 weeks to feel the full effects. Hang in there!🙏 

I don't have any advice for you but I will keep you in prayer. You are beautiful and special. God bless. 

Depression is a treatable condition. It can definitely trigger food issues. If you are on an antidepressant I'm guessing you are seeing a therapist already. Antidepressants take at least 6 weeks to begin seeing results and sometimes you have to adjust dosage or change types you are taking. As for junk food, stock your house with healthier alternatives and plan out your days meals and snacks. Log all you eat and then review it daily. You will be surprised and it will help you see what needs to be cut out. I wish you the best, my granddaughters have depression so I have watched them struggle with it as well..💜 

i have those days. tomorrows another chance. little steps towards wellness lead to bigger steps. hopefully you get hit with some inspiration here soon.  

Maybe you need to try a different medication? It took like 2-3 years before I found one I could tolerate that helped me! And that’s after a few other attempts when I was younger. Have you considered counseling? Or if not regular counseling then some type of diet/health coach? The support on here is awesome too! For me I’d just had enough. I stopped eating out, restricted myself to 1200 kcal and started at the gym. I was miserable and messed up my metabolism. I stopped losing at 1200 kcal! I don’t suggest starting hard like that for sure! Looking back I wish I’d just have cut out half the eating out and cut out pop for the first few weeks then gradually cut out things here and there. The things I felt I did correctly was start walking, lifting weights, cutting my midnight snack in half and only eating half my plate when dining out. Those things helped me the most. 

I take 2 different anti depressants and my depression is managed but my food issues still remain. I tried seeing a nutritionist but that was just a waste of money, for me anyway maybe not for others. I hope everyone here can help you feel like you are not alone. ((hugs)) 

Stay true to what works best for you, diet wise, sometimes I experiment with foods, I found a keto bread from aldi and make grilled cheese, hamburgers and use this bread as I'm on a Keto, also toast, make french toast toast with avocado, I also need home style foods for me, I use spaghetti squash for pastas, add italian sausage.. almost taste like real thing!!! I drink ICE beverages,Keto cheese wraps,I've been in your shoes !!!  

Hang in there. We all have those days, which, let's face it are sometimes weeks and months on end. I had (what I'd consider for me) pretty moderate/low end of serious depression and anxiety. I recently lost my brother and moved in a year ago with my 80-something parents to take care of my bedridden mother. It's a freaking task and a half. So, with that being said, I ate my feelings. I ate ALL MY FEELINGS. Food was such a crutch. I think you need to find what's triggering you. Is it a relationship (familial, friendship, romantic) that isn't giving you as much in return as you are putting out? Is it work stress? Financial stress? Write things down. Maybe seeing it helps become clearer. Another thing is you have an underlying medical condition so like someone else mentioned, it could be a med change. Definitely talk to your doctor. I went into this not to lose weight but to get my numbers in order. With that has come weight loss. I started with small changes. I gradually cut down my sugar and let me tell you, I crave it maybe 10% of the time and it's usually hormonal related. With the drastic elimination of refined sugar came a better hormone balance, less anxiety (SO MUCH LESS omg I can't even tell you) and less depression. For the first time in a long time, my joints don't hurt and I don't want to sleep all the time. I wish you lots of luck. It's a journey not a race and we're all working at our own pace and are here to support you. 

Thanks for sharing... you are not alone and you are stronger than you think. I have my moments like you which feels more like an eternity than a moment; and I never have the strength to really write it here or admit it out loud. I hope it gives you comfort to know you arent alone because reading your honesty did comfort me in knowing I'm not the only one. 

It takes time but it can be overcome. I used to be someone for whom food was the sole pleasure in life and who ate compulsively. I would go through entire jars of Nutella, whole pints of ice-cream, boxes of chocolate shortbread, three dinner portions, cake everyday, burger and fries several times a week, and at some point it wasn't even pleasurable. I had no idea why I was doing it but couldn't stop. One day, maybe fear, maybe circumstances got me to develop new habits and learn how to live without a big slice of cake a day. I'm still not there, still obsess about food and what I want to eat and love living through people who film their binges, but I'm finding other things that give me a different kind of good feeling - walking, running, fruit, having breakfast, improving my skills, getting stronger, photographing cats, and loungewear, in no particular order. Cake and big, indulgent meals are still part of my life, but they're no longer the only things. There are many habits that are good for you long term and that will make you feel good that you can develop over time. I hope the moment comes for you like it did for me and you find out that there are things in life that are good for us and feel good.  

Check out the show My 600 Pound Life, it will give you perspective! 

The thing that saves my sanity is getting outside and walking. I have to leave the house to do it. I've walked when it's 110 and I've walked when it was -30 (not in SoCal). It's the movement and the outside light. Make it a practice to leave the house for 20 minutes and walk. it will help other things fall into place and those endorphins will help you feel better. 

Also wanted to add - sometimes framing it as an addiction does more harm than good. I used to tell myself that I just couldn't help it, that I was "addicted" to sugar, to junk, that it was impossible to have any and restrain myself. It's not true. It isn't easy because the food is made to be delicious, but we do have a choice. Really believing that and not seeing myself as powerless and addicted was the first step. 

the sad part is that starting to take care of yourself can make you want to do it more....it's a funny kind of "which came first, chicken or the egg" type thing....and I'm talking from my personal experience. Working out and eating right makes me care about myself more because it gives me a sense of being proud of myself and it shows myself what I'm capable of....also, working out gives endorphins that trigger happiness....but the cool thing about workout enforphins is that they not only bring that happiness from the chemicak release...they also bring self esteem! And that lasts longer than snack....I am a binge eater and eating something good brings immediate relief to my depression, anxiety and loneliness but what i've come to realize is that like many quick fixes, it ultimately doesn't help long term....getting fatter isolates me more (I don't want to go out because I feel fat, I don't want to be in the group picture because I feel fat...I don't want to go on that date because they wont like me because I'm fat)....thus more loneliness.....more loneliness more depression....then I'm depressed because I'm lonely and depressed because my clothes don't fit....it's a cycle!! You have to start viewing overeating as your immediate gratification tool you're using....see it for what it is....and ask yourself what is going to make you happiest long term. You have to want to live your life to the fullest and grab it with both hands before it passes you by....life is short. 

Blueowl88 Yes, you can do this! Don't give up! Keep trying until you find something that will work for you. Maybe you should try to enlist some help for motivation and accountability to help you out when you are feeling not at your best and needing support? Sometimes other people come up with different ideas we would not have thought of on our own-which can be super insightful too.