amanda123's Journal, 09 November 2010

Feeling so blue at the moment. I have been a temporary employee now for 8 months with the same company. I feel like I am good at my job and I have always been a good employee. This job has been stressful from the start. I worked here for 2 weeks and I was called into my boss' office and told that I was not learning as fast as they would like and that if I didnt improve within 2 weeks they were going to let me go. You can imagine how embarassing that was and what a blow to my self esteem. This job is completely different from anything I have done in the past and I had to learn 2 new computer programs with little to no supervision. So if I don't know how to do something I have to go ask a co-worker for help. So 8 months later I am still here and I am still treated as if I am an idiot. I was just embarassed in a finance meeting because I asked the wrong person a question. It really makes me question my abilities. The last job I worked at I started out making $16 an hour and I was promoted twice and was laid off two years later making $19.94 an hour. I moved up in the company, I did a good job, people came to me for help and advice, and I received a nice crystal diamond award that said "Extra Effort Award" engraved with my name on it and a gift card to Dillards... which was a big deal since I won it over a department of about 25 people. The point is that I was good and they knew it. It just sucks so bad to go from being appreciated to feeling about as low as you can go about your job and your performance. I now make $11 an hour and I know that is still not bad for my location in a small town but I was supposed to be raised to $12 an hour after 90 days. I didn't get the raise and that alone tells me what they think of me. I know they don't like me but I honestly don't know why or what I did to cause the problem. Now I walk on tiptoes trying to please and constantly doubting myself. I know I am not stupid but that is how this job makes me feel. Sorry to vent... got to keep on keeping on I guess. I honestly wish they would just lay me off and be done with it. I am supposed to be here until at least December but it could last longer. I look for something better to come along but there really aren't many jobs in this area that open up and when they do they hire someone they know or someone who knows someone they know. It is hard to get in in a small town unless I want to work at Wal-Mart.