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2 years; 200 lbs
That's my goal.
I want to lose 200 pounds, and I'm giving myself 2 years in which to do it. I'm still not sure that my husband is on board for me losing such a HUGE amount of weight. The first 100 pounds is one thing because I'm really only 40 pounds lighter than I was when we met. That's not a HUGE difference, but it's enough to give me firmer parts.. haha. He's okay with that. I find him looking at me strangely lately.... like he's trying to commit the "new me" to memory. He actually took his phone out today while we were talking and took a picture of me. He hasn't done that in ages. I think he's starting to realize that I'll be hotter when I'm thinner. HAHA. He already thinks I'm beautiful, but my features are starting to be more defined vs. hidden by hundreds of pounds of excess fat.
I hope he doesn't stop loving me, and I know that's a silly fear. It's still a fear I hold. I was 280 pounds when I met my husband. He loved me at that weight. I was 340 pounds when we got married. He loved me at that weight. I'm 241 pounds now, and he loves me at this weight. I just hear him comment on skinny girls all the time and how they are too thin and he doesn't like that. I wonder if he'll stop finding me as attractive when I get down to my goal weight, or if he'll be attracted to me in a completely different way.
Gosh, I know this is silly. I feel so silly when I put it all down, but that's just how I feel. I mean, I'm married to a man who's always been attracted to big women. He finds the female body extremely sexy, and moreso when it's bigger.
I just don't know what I'll look like at 140. I mean, what if I lose all of my curves at that weight? I've never been that small. What happens if I look like a completely different person? *sigh* I worry too much I think. I know that being smaller will make me happier. I know that he will be happy if I'm happy. I know that he'll never be unhappy with my physical body. I know that he will love me no matter what I weigh or don't weigh.. but I can't help but wonder.
Does anyone else have these issue?
Diet Calendar Entries for 30 September 2008:
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830 kcal
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Fat: 16.98g | Prot: 59.21g | Carb: 108.45g.
Breakfast: 1% milk, Special K Cereal. Lunch: Pita bread, tomato, mozzarella cheese, Oscar Meyer's Deli Fresh Rotisserie Style Chicken Breast. Dinner: potato, flesh only, Light butter, white rice, baby carrots, sirloin steak. more...
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3116 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Housework - 1 hour, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 1 hour, Desk Work - 3 hours, Resting - 11 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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