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Well, I've been able to keep my calorie counts right, not necessarily my fat or sugar counts, but we're getting close and all I really eat are good fats like avocados and fish. Unfortunately I've received depressing news that I may truly be doomed to feel crappy and be fat for the rest of my life, as my thyroid is broken. It makes me feel a little better about always being the biggest girl on the team, even though I exercised and ate like everyone else, but it means I'll probably never be svelte, which is a killer blow after all the work I've been doing thinking that I -must- be making a dent.
I'm not and all my good intentions are merely maintenance for the fat that I already have. I thought only people much bigger than me had thyroid problems, people that didn't really take care of themselves I AM STILL A HEALTHY WEIGHT FOR MY HEIGHT AND THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I've never been obese, never tiny, but never obese. Now more than ever I am completed tempted to let myself go, have beer and cheese fries when I want them, not run the extra mile if I don't want to, it's not making a difference anyway.
I know I won't and I'll continue to get more and more anal retentive and paranoid about my weight, and my eating habits because that's how I function, but I hate to think that this is a problem I'm never going to be able to get rid of, that I'm always going to be fat no matter what. That makes me feel terrible, like a failure, like I belong in a trailer park somewhere with an amputated foot and an out of work redneck, not in the city with a nice house a good job and a gorgeous boyfriend. Not fair... so completely not fair.
Diet Calendar Entries for 04 September 2008:
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1772 kcal
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Fat: 72.80g | Prot: 123.56g | Carb: 114.69g.
Breakfast: fat free milk, activia light, extra fiber. Lunch: sweet relish, mayo, mustard, avocado, tuna. Dinner: Soft Taco - Beef, ranchero chicken taco. Snacks/Other: Chicken Leg Meat and Skin (Broilers or Fryers, Roasted, Cooked) , green beans, whiskey. more...
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2215 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Sitting - 7 hours, Desk Work - 4 hours, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 2 hours, Resting - 3 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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