Debinator's Journal, 17 July 2010

I am so sorry I hope u can find peace knowing what kind of life he has lived. 

My Mother passed away a few years ago from cancer so I have an idea of what you rae going through. Just know that keeping him comfortable is the best that can be done and that when it is his time he will feel no more pain. My thoughts go out to you.  

Thank you for your comments- mostly just needed to rage a little- been keeping a tight lid on things and just need to vent. I feel somewhat better - at least for now. 

Im sorry you are going through this. It sucks. I can relate. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 5 months ago. She underwent extensive and mutilating surgery, now she is on chemo. I ask God to make her last a lil more. She is still young and always took care of herself. Oh well, I ask God to give you and me strength to face these challenges. 

Ana-I am sorry that you too are going through this. My dad's doctors are basically trying to keep him comfortable,the really sucky thing about all of this is that he is in a different state and I can't be with him (I don't have much time off of work and we have to schedule what time we do have at the first of the year so my vacation time is already planned and paid for). I did go visit him in april to be able to spend time with him while he was doing well. I think my biggest concern is that I don't want for him to suffer, and while it may seem cold and heartless, if he is going to suffer and never get better, it might be easier on him if he were to just go sooner rather than later. I know he is not going to get better, he'll never be able to do any of the things he loves to do. At the very best he might get better enough to sit up in a chair for an hour or two- that is no way to live. He and I have talked about these things before, and I know he feels the same way I do. So I just pray that if he's not going to get well enough to have some sort of quality of life that the powers that be just go ahead and take him and release him from his prison of pain. 

Deb, mum passed on last year from cancer (bowel but it had spread too) and it's never easy to lose a loved one whether it's a friend, partner, a child or a parent. I am so happy that mum told me what she wanted and asked me to be her executor and when her time arrived, by which time she felt she'd had enough, it made my job easier. Keep your chin up and try to stay positive. I know it's more easily said than done.  

Thanks Chris, I am trying to stay positive- I think I am doing a fairly good job of it. I have a good life and there is no reason I shouldn't enjoy it, yes it sucks that this is going on with my father, but mostly I just pray for his pain not to make him uncomfortable in whatever time he has left. He is 70 years old, and frankly,the way he has treated his body for the last 30 years it's a miracle that he has lasted this long. Yes I get sad from time to time, but I also know we all gotta go sometime. I have a vacation coming up (which my father is adamant that I go on regardless of what is going on with him, and a black Belt promotion coming up. I hope he can hang on long enough to see the video of me getting my black belt (he was very excited when I started taking Karate, and has been very supportive), if not, then that is just how it has to be. Thanks again for your kind comments and I am sorry for your loss.