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Weight History
showing entries 1 to 4 of 4
23 May 2017
Yesterday was a bust. I managed to do my breakfast routine, but then I didn't eat again until 6:30 pm. We ate fast food. I felt like crap. I'm definitely at the point to where I feel physically sick almost every time I eat something bad for me. Why do I keep doing it? I also feel immense guilt. I am working on being forgiving of myself. It's hard, but I want to be in it for the long haul, and if I continue to beat myself up I feel like I'll quit. (Which if any of you knew me in real life you would know how hard that is for me to admit. I am not a quitter in anything else I do. I am a board member for a non profit community organization and have been for 5 years. I have volunteered for that organization since 2009. I work at the 3 big schools in our school cooperation because I kept adding on to my job. I am a fully committed mom, wife, director, and friend. it is hard for me to use the word quit.)
It was a very stressful day. Busy at work. I work at a middle school primarily, with students that have emotional and social disabilities.
Everything in 8th grade is dramatic, but add the final exams and the lack of coping skills on top of it, and the day becomes a huge obstacle. They are surviving though. Last day of school is Thursday, and then it is summer. This summer is going to be the summer of me. I know that sounds ridiculous, but just go with me here.
I am investing in me this summer. I don't want to let 2 months pass an have nothing to show for it. My goal by the end of the summer is to be able to walk a mile, and be fueling with 3 square meals a day with snacks in between.
I getting a lot of great feedback on here about taking it one step at a time, and it has been really encouraging. I am continuing to log what I eat. Even though right now I have to counter the guilt I am feeling. Seeing your choices laid out is a real attention grabber. I found myself bargaining, saying "well maybe I won't write what I ate for dinner last night." It was a fleeting thought, and I pressed on with the log. The support I have received here so far is why I did it. Thanks for the push guys!
I am definitely feeling more conscious about what am I (and what I'm not) putting in my body which tells me I'm moving in the right direction. I used to eat with absolutely no regard as to what was on my plate. If it tasted good, and I wanted it, I had it. I want to believe those days are behind me.
Failure is not an option. I will be successful.
(1 comment)
19 May 2017
Day two:
I am trying so hard to hold myself accountable to this one aspect of my journey right now. Write in the Journal. Record what you eat. For being such a large person I am a terrible eater. Today the total amount of what I have eaten is a can diet Pepsi. That's it. I know this is terrible. I know this is a huge factor in my zero metabolism. I have been trying to change this and working toward meal planning, but it has been a struggle. We just moved to a new house. My bff was pregnant and just had her baby. Literally. She delivered 2 hours ago. My Dad has been having serious health issues and I am regularly helping out my Mom at her house. I have a lot of good reasons to not do this now, but I keep feeling like if I can't do this now I will never be able to. The world doesn't stop turning, and I want to train myself to take care through good and bad seasons.
I have a 3 year old daughter, and one of my worst fears is that she is at the beginning of a life long struggle herself, if I can't teach her how to be healthy by doing it myself.
I'm still trying. I'm still focusing on the effort. I will be successful.
(7 comments)
18 May 2017
Day one:
Today I am starting conscious eating. I want to be aware of what I am putting in my body to help determine where I need to make changes. I feel like this is a realistic and achievable goal, and this is a great first step. I hope that I can continue to use this tool to help me reach the goal of being healthy and happy.
I have been fortunate enough to maintain decent health even though I have been overweight my entire life. I have used food to make me feel happy. I have been guilty of binge eating and not calling it what it is. I have told myself that my eating habits are not that bad. Well, I am calling my bluff. I do not want to lie to myself anymore. For Rob, for Charlotte, for Dad.
(5 comments)
18 May 2017
Weigh-in:
436.0 lb
lost so far:
0 lb
still to go:
237.0 lb
Diet followed N/A
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