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27 February 2013

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23 February 2013

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17 February 2013

Well I have been getting things prepared for my surgery. It is in 4 days. Never thought this day would come but I am glad it is here. I am scared. I am afraid of the outcome. Will I be able to walk again? Will the surgery allow me to start exercising? Will I be damaged goods? Meaning will I ever be able to find someone Who will love me for me in spite of my issues? Sounds kinda simple. The surgery is going to repair my knee. That easy. Or not........The doctor said my knee is in pretty bad shape. So now I need to deal with the what ifs. I am worried that I will never walk again. Why? Routine surgery for this doctor. I guess worse things can happen then not being able to walk but are we ever prepared for something we take for granted to be taken away for good? My other knee is now starting to hurt. I need to get this weight off for just the reason of walking. Doc says my weight was what made it worse but that the problems I am having are hereditary. Now what?
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14 February 2013

Someone told me once to keep journaling and keep coming to fatsecret for support and to make sure I put my feelings down on paper.(computer) Well I have not been doing this and I can tell. I am not sleeping well at night because I have so much on my mind and the other thing is when I do finally fall asleep, I have a real issue with talking through my problems within my dreams. Now I know this may sound odd or ridiculous but remember, I am home all day by myself and even when my son comes home from school, I have no adult contact. I have the strangest dreams and they are so vivid, sometimes I wake up trying to figure out if it really happened. lol I guess what I am trying to say is that whether you put them on fatsecret or if you put them on pen and paper, get your feelings out. If you put them on here, you will have support and advise. Sometimes we just need other adult contact in order to walk through our problems but also the support we can get from others trying to go through the same things we are.
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07 February 2013

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