malinaxochi's Journal

Blegh. This day was both harder and easier. What a conundrum. Let me explain.

I ate all the cream cheese yesterday so this morning I ate pork rinds for breakfast. Ha. Part of a complete breakfast. I had bulletproof coffee with butter and coconut oil too. I felt pretty sated until the late afternoon where I could not concentrate worth a damn at the library. I should have brought some broth. I had planned to stay there until 5 but ended up leaving at 4:30 because it got to be too much. Came home, melted butter, mixed garlic and onion powder in there, dipped pork rinds in it and then passed the eff out. Total calories today: 1033.

I heard rumors that World Market had matcha, the good stuff like I bought in Japan. I went there, found no pure matcha (just this latte sugar-filled shit) but found aisles upon aisles of candy. All those damn Easter bunnies watched me with their delicious little eyes. :P But I stayed strong! I passed all that candy and everything else evil in that store, bought some tea and cheese stuffed olives for tomorrow.

I found Authority Nutrition’s method for vicious eating helped me. Just saying, “I don’t eat chocolate. I don’t eat candy.” helped and strengthened my resolve. It even lasted going to into Walgreens to buy magnesium. Even the sugar free little devils didn’t tempt me with their sugar alcohol siren song.

I can do one more day of this but I am so freaking excited for my omelette on Saturday. Tomorrow is going to be butter and cheese stuffed olives. Maybe even bulletproof tea instead of coffee.

I also bought measuring tape! I will take measurements tomorrow evening or Saturday morning.

Keep calm, keto on.

Ok, so I made a mistake. Let’s go back to the beginning because the beginning is a very horrible place to start. You know how I said I was thinking about continuing no weight February into March? Well, curiosity ran over that cat and then backed up and ran over it again.

It started like this. I went over to my friend’s house. She happens to have a scale. I thought, “Well, it is March 1…what is the harm of seeing if there was actually any progress?” So full confident that I would see at least a three pound loss, I got on the scale.

158.

The same weight that I started this journey with.

158.

Those three numbers started a downward spiral. Even though I weighed myself later that day on the same scale and it showed 156. But, no dice. The drive was already rigged to drive off a cliff.

Despite the fact I was able to keep keto while with my friend, as soon as I got home, I summoned a tsunami of carbs to destroy me. ‘What does it matter?’ I said, devouring those goddamn girl scout cookies. ‘I am always going to be fat anyway.’ Gone were the crackers. ‘Might as well enjoy it.’ The doorbell rang and the pizza guy stood there holding breadsticks. ‘Oh shit, well, it is Mardi Gras, might as well drink like a fish.’ Those drinks of course has soda and Mardi Gras for me lasted much more than just a Tuesday!

Fucking hell, man! It was insane! I was finally able to pull myself out of the carb terror zone on Sunday (March 9th) and got officially back into ketosis yesterday.

But then I went to the same friend’s house, with the same scale…you know the drill. How much damage had I done? Got on. 160. Highest weight I have been.

(Logically I know in my mind, part of that weight is water but that number is hard to fight against).

160. I felt the demons rise again. Why not make pudding? Why not eat those frozen bars you made as a thank you gift and have yet to give yet? Why not drive to CVS and buy the entire fucking candy aisle?

It was hard last night to not succumb. I do believe the only thing that stopped me from inhaling any and all sugar in the house would be doing Authority Nutrition’s Vicious Eating program. Listen, if you have a food or in my case, sugar, addiction, his protocol is priceless. Read the .pdf. Do the work. Reading over my commitments to myself helped me stay grounded.

Without the haze of carbs filling my mind, I came up with a plan to 1) get rid of the water weight and 2) sever further connection to carbs that my body woefully craves.

I am doing a fat fast, somewhat modified from the version with the macadamia nuts and coconut oil that r/keto loves due to being a little bit broke. 1000 calories of butter and cream cheese for three days.

Then, come Saturday when I return to that faithful friend’s house, I will not go on the scale. Instead, I will get my butt to the store and buy some measuring tape. That will be my new way of measuring progress. Scale will be banned until April. I will ignore the prompting of sites to “Weigh in now!!”

I will succeed.

On Saturday morning, I will eat an amazing omelette because I am fucking awesome.

Keepin’ calm, keto-in’ on.