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05 November 2010

05 November 2010

HOLY SH*TTTTTTTTTTT! Okay, I didn't think I'd be this excited about it but I am! I am officially UNDER 200 pounds now! 198.4 sure looks good! And feels even better!

I am very sorry I haven't been much of a buddy lately, I do want to correct that but I've been very busy and had a lot on my mind. Some of it does have to do with my weight loss but more of it has to do with some personal issues I am going through.

I've also been horrible with recording my food and I need to get back on track and have done pretty well yesterday and today. Thanks Stacie for the check in the booty. I needed to log in and read that today!

The personal issues have really made me think about things and what I truly want out of life. When I first started losing weight this time, it was because I wanted Keith to be attracted to me again. And I still do, but now it's for ME! I can't believe how much better I feel about myself even though I can't really see any weight gone. All I know is my bras are lose (ok body, I didn't want to lose my tatas!), my pants are fitting better, and I have more energy in general! Even if I don't hit 135 anytime in the near future, I am VERY proud that I have accomplished as much as I have. 21 pounds altogether (give or take a few tenths) and I am bursting with excitement. I even find myself willing to take pictures of myself. I realize I am not where I want to be or anything but I just generally feel better about myself.

I said it doesn't matter if I hit 135 or not and that is true, but it doesn't mean I am going to give up either. I will look good in a bikini (haven't worn one since I was 14) and I will feel even better about myself as time goes on.

So many people have been really helpful. First and foremost, I gotta thank Keith for being so very supportive. His two sisters and his mom have also been extremely supportive and for that I am very grateful. I am not sure the four of them even realize how much the things they say mean to me but they mean a lot and have helped me more than they could possibly know. Stacie, thank you for taking the journey with me, kicking me in the ass when I need it, and just all around being supportive and non judgmental. And to my Fatsecret buddies that have supported me regardless of whether I have been here or not, a great big thank you!

Hang in there, if I can do this, ANYONE can!

Much <3 and peace from me to you!

Mary Ann
Weigh-in: 198.4 lb lost so far: 14.6 lb still to go: 68.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (7 comments) losing 4.1 lb a week

30 October 2010

Weigh-in: 201.9 lb lost so far: 11.1 lb still to go: 71.9 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (2 comments) losing 3.1 lb a week

23 October 2010

Weigh-in: 205.0 lb lost so far: 8.0 lb still to go: 75.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (4 comments) losing 1.0 lb a week

20 October 2010

Happy Humpday!

Have you ever done something knowing it wrong and hurtful to other people but did it anyway cause it made you feel good? I'm in a bit of a pickle and a dilema right now. I know I'm wrong but I also know it makes me feel like I haven't in a long time. And no, I don't mean pigging out on candy though i am really having to work on correcting that. Even if it fits into my calorie limit, it still needs to be dealt with. However, this is only somewhat about my weight. I can't really say more than that. Just wish I had the strength to stop doing it even though I don't really want to stop. No, it's nothing illegal...not drugs or alcohol or anything of the sort....more of less I made a new friend that will listen to me and talk to me about subjects I enjoy. Only problem is, he is a male. That wouldn't be so bad if it were just on the internet but he is a real life person. No, I don't want him, no I don't love him, but I do know how insecure my friendship with this person makes Keith feel. Oh the life of a stay at home mom....it sucks at times. I rarely meet new people and when I do do they really have to be someone that is gonna cause problems? Not that he has...he only bought my laptop, jabbered with me and came on worked on my computer. Yet, I know how I feel about some of keith's friends and hate that my friendship makes him feel the same way. Am I a bad person for wanting to continue this friendship? He is nice to me, we enjoy talking, he is happily taken and so am I...and even if we weren't....I have absolutely no attraction to the guy. I just wish Keith could see it that way.

Oh well, life goes on as they say. Other than being weighted down with the stress of the new friendship, I am feeling pretty good. I guess I was just having a bad week last week cause things do seem so much better this week...maybe it was the stress of finances and trying to get Skylar's party together? I hope that's the only reason I felt so down last week. I am a happy person and like to remain that way.

I am still looking for a job, hoping that will give me the opportunity to feel more alive and motivated as I do feel my motivation starting to slip. I can tell because at first I was journaling and entering ALL my food everyday....I find myself not doing that stuff every day anymore. Time to get back into it. I did enter all of my food yesterday and going to try to pick back up the momentum.

I have been either walking or working out with my TV every day...I just quit putting it in as it was only giving me an excuse to eat more. I would think ...oh wow I have a big deficit....I can afford to put some cupcakes in my mouth. so no more recording the exercise. Yes it will give me false information that way but I am hoping to trick my brain into thinking...ok you really CAN'T afford to eat that cupcake.


I hope you all have a great Wednesday. I have a lot to do today....clean house, do my Pogo badges (LOL) and etc. etc. etc.! Remember to love yourself today! Maybe even give yourself a big ole hug!

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