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Weight History
showing entries 16 to 20 of 21
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12 April 2008
I am starting again today. I don't know what is different about today, but hopefully this week I can resist temptation and the emotional eating. I need to focus on changing how I'm constantly thinking about food, about how I don't like my body, and about how I feel like I am denying myself by dieting when I know I am really not. I'm just eating the foods that I want to eat at the end of the day. I don't know if it's better to plan everything out, or do it more day by day. If I plan, and then I don't do it, or eat exactly what I am "supposed" to, then I feel like a failure. I think I need to just say it's two weeks, and then other stuff can come. I read the book again last night when I couldn't sleep and realize that I can do the two weeks--I have to do the two weeks to make the changes inside my body. I just look at and feel my middle and my back and just feel so gross. But I need to be honest with what I put in my mouth and my portions and instead of saying to myself "you have to eat like this" you're eating like this because you actually like this food, which is true. I know what I need to do but I just need to do it. It's like I can feel myself waiting to cheat again or to mess up again. I need to shift to feel myself waiting to look at the scale and see it below 170. I know I need to have a lot of things going on to be successful--I don't do to well when I have lot of free time and things I can't cross off a list or see accomplishments for. So that energy and those feelings are being used up by the job search--I don't have a lot left to fight the weight thing. As I write that, it sounds like an excuse. The lack of routine, the lack of my own space, blah blah blah, it's the same story that I've been waiting to change for the past 3 years. At least here I can control what I eat, and I can exercise. So I need to just do a little a day to start. Start my day by writing here to get out the negative thoughts and to note my progress and get out the emotional crap so I can just focus on getting in shape. I cannot wait until I am not thinking about food and my body and how I feel fat and how I look 24 hours a day.
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12 April 2008
Weigh-in:
172.0 lb
lost so far:
3.0 lb
still to go:
27.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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steady weight
10 April 2008
Weigh-in:
172.0 lb
lost so far:
3.0 lb
still to go:
27.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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steady weight
09 April 2008
So as I sit down to write this (while watching Top Chef) I realize how absolutely lame it was for me to avoid this site for two days. Could there be anything lamer? Well, maybe. Some might say how hard I cried watching The Biggest Loser last night (are you all not obsessed?) but that is not lame at all since it was a total tear jerker. How amazing is Alison? She totally inspired me last night. And as I sat there with tears streaming down my face, I thought, "Yo, jackass, WHY WOULD YOU AVOID A SITE THAT WAS COMPLETELY INSPIRING AFTER BEING ON IT FOR 48 HOURS AND CHOSE TO READ
HOW TO FIND A JOB BLOGS WHICH ARE TOTALLY LAME
?" and I had no good answer. So I'm back on the attack. I even got my post-lame booty on the treadmill today. My next question I posed to myself in much the same tone as the previous question went something like, "Why do you not excercise everyday when every time you do you feel SO MUCH BETTER?" (well, once I get past the part when I want to puke.) My answer to that will be to START my day off with some movement to get it over with I mean get myself all geared up for reading more of those how to find a job sites and job boards and rejection letters and no responses and...whoa...wait a minute...was I getting negative there? And this is when I tell myself that if I get up and work out the energy and sense of accomplishment I get and feel enables everything else to seem more attainable and things run off my back so much easier.
So while I could go on and on, I need to figure out how to add my meals and excercise (now that I am doing it) and just keep taking this one day at a time. Vamanos!!
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06 April 2008
OK, I'm geared up and ready to go for the week...I've just wrote down a meal schedule, so now I have a plan and hopefully staying on track won't be too hard. I already feel better having a meal schedule and am hoping it will help me to not constantly be thinking about food and eating and what I should and should not be eating, blah blah blah. I'll have the food in the fridge and things prepared.
I need to focus on the marathon, and not the sprint, and know that half a pound or a pound lost is better than none, and if I happen to take a bite of something "bad", that doesn't mean I can write the day off as a loss and go crazy and eat a ton of crap.
My goals for the week are to eat slower and to actually taste my food; and to actually pay attention to when I am full or getting full in hopes to reduce my portions.
I'm headed to the grocery store now, and when I get back I'm going to find my "goal outfit" (the one I looked foxy in before heading to Panama) and hang it up in my room to keep me focused and motivated.
I'm already feeling part of this fs world...and hope it will keep pushing me in the right direction.
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