|Start Weight:||(07 Oct 11) 225.0 lb|
|Current Weight:||(07 Oct 11) 225.0 lb|
|Goal Weight:||175.0 lb|
following: ctina's own diet
performance: losing 1.0 lb a week
I am a mother of 3. I was always fairly happy with my weight when I was younger. I gained a lot with each pregnancy and kept a good 15 pounds as a souvenir from each one. We moved to the U.S. 10 years ago, so the new lifestyle (driving everywhere, walking less) and the food options here added another 30 pounds. So here I am. I am definetly an emotional eater, sometimes a binge eater. I used to always joke and say: "I love food and food loves me!" It's always easier when you are the one making jokes about your own weight, but it kills you to hear judgements from others, especially those close to you. For the last decade I would 'hide-binge' behind closed doors. I would often eat before we would go out with friends or to a party, so that I wouldn't eat too much later. I felt self-concious about eating. I never did when I was younger, but someone in my family has managed to make me feel guilt when it comes to eating with comments like: "you are going to eat all that", or "you're having seconds", even when everyone else there was having second and third helpings. That's when the secret binges started. Often it was just even a look that made me feel that way. The last straw was a few weeks ago, while I was watching a preview of 'Biggest Looser' and the comment came: "See, it IS possible!" Supposedly it was meant motivational, but it just hurt. Because as most of you know it is soooo hard to diet, it is such a struggle. But I don't want to put all the blame on this person. It is certainly still my decision at the end of the day what I do or do not eat. Of course it does not help that I am not a big fan of exercising, but I am trying to do so anyway. Anyway this will turn into a full blown biography if I don't quit. But it felt good to get all this out, since it's not something I tell anyone else.
Thanks for listening to me whine. Good Luck to all of you with your own battles!