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caged liberty's Journal

 
showing entries 31 to 35 of 112
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17 July 2008

Its been quite a few days since I wrote a journal. I have a car now and the full driving license so I thought my problems would have greatly subsided in terms of my dieting obstacles.

But now I seem to have lost the motivation to really stick to it. I am tired of eating salads and chicken all the time. I know what I need to do but just doing it seems to evade me.

I need a dieting plan and recipes in advance so that each day I make something new and interesting. I need to have a shopping list ready so that I will have all the ingredients on hand whenever I want to make something.

I just need to get to 135lbs and yet these last few pounds seem like the toughest.

I have noticed that I was losing approximately 2.5lbs a week when I was really sticking to it so I could reach my weight goal in as little as two weeks. What on earth is my problem???

I havent really gone out much in the car. Older two are always just sleeping all day long. I dont like to go out with the little one that much because after about an hour he becomes quite annoying so I just want to run home to the safety of the house.

I need to get a life, maybe try to find a mommy and me club somewhere so that at least little bear and I get out of the house instead of waiting for the older two to get up so we can go out.

I also need to find the motivation to get back to exercising again.


Dont worry guys, I am just venting and tomorrow I will feel better I am sure.

13 July 2008

Its a really odd feeling to have a car in the garage. You want to go out but dont know WHERE to go!!

Its like having to learn to live again. Being in an enclosed environment for the past couple of years has made me a little anxious about leaving my home. I lived in Pakistan for 3 years and rarely ventured out. In the daytime it was because of the extremely hot weather. In the night, it was due to safety concerns that I hardly went out. (Also, being financially restricted meant there wasnt much to do if you cant buy anything).

Since my return to the USA in Oct 2007, I have very rarely had the car to myself to get out. I still havent made any real friends to hang out with, and this town is mostly dead (we would call this place a village back home in England).

Anyway, I will find my feet again soon and then I will be out all day. Freedom will truly come when the kids are back at school and I have the car all to myself. I think I will probably try to enroll in some classes or do some voluntary work part time. I am not allowed to work on my visa so getting some pocket money is out of the question.

Onto things of a dieting nature. I have had a grocery drought for two weeks now. No meat, poultry or salad. I weighed myself about three days ago and was 143.6lbs, 3lbs up from my previous weigh in. OK..this is where it gets interesting. Two days ago, I received a shipment from vitacost.com (bullys and my fav store for vitamins and supplements!!).

I had ordered some amino acids in addition to other products and have started taking them. My weight this morning was 141.3lbs!! Yesterday, I had pizza, watermelon and cheetos (yes..that is all my house seems to be stocked up on!!)NOT very healthy or low carb.

Two nights ago I was reading Dr. Atkins book and I was on the chapter about metabolic resistance. He stated that sometimes he had to encourage the use of supplements for patients who were metabolically resistant. It turned out that most of the ingredients he mentioned were in my amino acids or my mitrochrondial energy booster (another supplement from vitacost).

Well I had already been taking the energy booster so the only new addition to my diet has been the amino acids. I wonder if that has helped in lowering my weight in the past two days even though I am not dieting?

Finally..Nisa isnt Nisa unless she is asking for some advice! I know several buddies have mentioned really good low carb cook books and after Andees success at finding atkins books in a thrift store I am encouraged to finally purchase some cookbooks too. (suitable for Atkins or south beach diet I guess)

Could you guys give some recommendations? I would prefer dishes my whole family could eat as baking etc..requires a lot of effort for only one person. However, any book that you guys have found yourself using frequently is probably a good bet.

Thanks. (Now you can go and have a rest after this long journal!!)

12 July 2008

I HAVE FINALLY GOT A CAR!

(Or rather, I have a second car as opposed to always waiting for the only car we had, which I rarely got to use.)

I even managed to resolve my driving license issue on Thursday. I have started having a maid (Ms.Daisy Duke!) come over every Thursday and I told her.."Forget cleaning..I will pay you to just take me to get my license made!" Went to the DMV and got my passing test converted into a license.

So now I have a Michigan Drivers license which means no longer stressing out if my British license will cause an issue with a cop.

I now have a car so it means no more grocery droughts-I can just nip out and pick up food for the family (NO MORE EATING HOT CHEETOS!! 6 large bags eaten in the past week-60 hours in the bathroom suffering from Irritable bowel syndrome!!!)

Today as I drove behind the new car which hubby was driving home from the dealership, I amazed at the fact that the car in front of me was actually mine. I also shed a few tears (TIP: do not get teary eyed whilst driving 70mph and loads of eye makeup. It makes for very blurry vision!)

I thanked God for granting me dignity during my long wait. I didnt scream or throw fits at not having a car and my patience has finally been rewarded. Its not a fancy car but it has 4 wheels and will get me from point A to B. Yes I have had moments of major frustration but always kept my dignity about my situation.

I wish my mom was here to see this moment in my life because she is the one who constantly consoles me and always assured me that all would end well. Thanks mom for all your support and prayers.

And thanks to all you of wonderful guys who were rooting for my situation to get better. I truly believe in prayers and best wishes and all of you have been amazing rocks of strength for me.

I havent even called my mom to tell her the good news but I wanted to share my happy news with you all first! Thanks for everything guys! (after all this being cooped up...I am thinking of visiting everyone on a super long driving tour!!)

08 July 2008

Only 5lbs left to go to my target weight; I am supposed to attend a wedding in mid August which will be full of inlaws so naturally I want to look good and mother in law is coming in a couple of weeks to live with me so I dont want her to think I pigged out while her son was hard at work.

And even knowing all this..I pigged out this entire weekend. I began my morning today with a bag of hot cheetos which will trigger my IBS. Am I am glutton for punishment???

My grocery drought has started again and now there is barely any food in the house. I think it is the resentment of not having freedom to go out and get stuff myself (due to lack of car) that gets me down. Hubby always wants to save money but every time he is lazy in getting groceries, we end up getting junk food delivered. It is so annoying to be in this situation.

I have to remind myself that this time is nearing an end. I will have a car soon, after all, how long can hubby deny me one? And when I get a car all this will be long forgotten. I need patience and something a little more healthier than hot cheetos!

07 July 2008

My new found liberty will have to wait a little while. Apparently, the Driver test passing certificate now requires me to have a licensed passenger in order to drive, UNTIL I convert that document into a drivers license. With an overworked hubby and one car, I have no idea when he will find the time to take me to the DMV. Thinking of just getting a taxi to resolve this issue asap.

Wore a pair of pants to the test and hubby said..whats wrong with your trousers..they look like they are about to fall to your ankles? Well it was my size 14 trousers that I bought a couple of months back, which were a little on the tight side then! Felt so good and when I got home I was doing the 'pull the trousers away from the body' scene forever. You know the one, where a person who has lost so much weight shows off how big their trousers used to be by wearing them and stretching all the looseness for the world to see. And then hubby said.."Hmmm..recently, you've been looking good". Well you could have blown me down with a feather because that was the first compliment I had heard from him in YEARS!!

My newest pair of jeans, a size 12 from Gap, keep falling down (luckily my supersized hips hold things in place!) and I keep having to pull them up. My oldest pair of jeans, a memento from Cali about 6/7 years ago are a size 10 and fit comfortably without a muffin top. I wouldnt mind it being a tad looser around the waist and thighs buts that because I like relaxed fitting pants. The point is...I think I am now a size 10..from my previous size 1X back in February!!

I would like to wrap up my weight loss at a size 8 I think and then I will move to a lifetime maintenance program to ensure that I dont have weight problem again.

The only downside to this weight loss is that I have lost muscle mass as well as fat (as well as the standard boob loss!). My weighing scales which once went from 90lb muscle to 95lbs during the peak of my exercising, now show my muscle mass to be 89lbs.

I know that this is because I am not exercising at the moment so I am not going to blame the weighing scales for inaccuracy. I am considering buying ankle weights to at least work my muscles as I walk around the house until I can develop an exercise regime again.

Independence weekend has been truly a weekend of freedoms for me and though some Americans may have lost the sense of what Independence represents(by virtue of having had freedoms for so long), I truly appreciate the value of Independence and civil liberties.


We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness


-Thomas Jefferson

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