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26 August 2008

3AM..SLEEP, SLEEP EVERYWHERE BUT IN MY EYES

So its 3am right now and I cant sleep.

I read your comments and everyone has so much wonderful advice. I usually am the one with all the answers in the world but I cant seem to find the right solution for my own. Its not that I am clueless but you can give all the best advice in the world and it is totally useless unless the recipient is willing to listen and act on it.

I have told my MIL to stop doing my laundry, stop cleaning out my closet or go through the kids closets but she has to actually LISTEN, which she doesnt. I even told her once that even if my bed isnt made at 5pm, its still my responsibility no matter how much she wants to see a clean home by midday. But she doesnt listen. She still does what she wants OR....she become hypersensitive and disses me to her daughters and relatives. She has made me out to be some neurotic psycho bully to her daughters and I get little senses of what lies she has said about me through little comments they make. So I am left with the options of either staying silent to keep her from creating humongous lies about me or digging a hole for myself by speaking up and suffering her wrath through her slandering my reputation within the family.

The best solution would be to keep myself/her busy outside of the house to allow myself frequent breaks from her, or begin something at home that will keep me busy, like sewing. House solution is to get up much earlier than her and do all the things I dont like her doing so there is no chance for her to botch things or me to get upset.

As I always complain to my mom, she raised us to be TOO nice. I am always putting the needs of others before my own. I hardly socialized because I didnt like going to parties where kids werent invited. I didnt have a car for the first nine years of marriage so my kids were always as cooped up as me. I never felt easy about getting a reprieve from the house whilst they remained there. I missed out on several vacations and even let my health suffer when my father in law was sick with terminal cancer because I wanted to always be there for him. Now, I dont want to go out if my MIL doesnt get a chance to and she will only get that if I take her out because her son is always too busy.

I do have ideas on keeping both of us busy but it is a matter of finding such things. I still cant find a mommy and me club in my area (other than downtown where I refuse to go due to safety concerns). I am looking into classes but she wanted flower arranging classes which again my area doesnt seem to have. School voluntary work? She said she cant do morning and she doesnt want to go for more than an hour or so a week..I cant think what I can get for her in a school for such a short period of time.

I will figure it out eventually. I am still trying to deal with other issues in addition to the Gremlin, like Son Wise words grade conversion affecting his cumulative GPA and have spent the entire summer trying to figure out a solution that will help his admission into college. I learnt that Michigan Unis only look at 10th and 11th grade results but the cumulative does matter. 10th grade was also wasted catching up to core required subjects so he spent 10th grade doing 9th grade subjects. Similar problems in Princess Drama Queens school results and the topper, of course, is the volatile relationship between hubby and me. Mix that altogether and you come out with a recipe for high stress muffin (which incidentally is all around my waist nowadays!!)

(4 comments) on diet Atkins

25 August 2008

GREMLINS ARE BACK IN THE HOUSE!

My peace has been shattered but I am trying to be strong about it.

I am looking for positives and the biggest positive I can find is that she can babysit Little Bear so I can get back to my treadmill and exercise. She was 'delivered' back from Canada by her sister and family so it was a nice weekend spent shopping for two days straight...(not me, them!!)

The other really nice thing was that it was Little Bears birthday on 21st August but we didnt really celebrate because it was a weekday. So when the guests came over on the weekend, we had a mini party amongst ourselves. I wrapped up the numerous little gifts I had bought him and presented them from each one of the aunts and uncles etc.. I even found a really great book called, "I love you mommy" and the main character is called- LITTLE BEAR. I thought how perfect for me! Then hubby treated everyone to a restaurant in honor of Little Bears 3rd Birthday.

So the weekend went well but already the apprehension has started again. Today I went to pick up Ms. Drama Queen from her first day of school and thought about making Gremlin volunteer once or twice a week at the school. I think that would keep her busy and out of my hair.

AN IDLE MIND IS A DEVILS WORKSHOP. How true that saying is. As long as she is busy, she is an angel. The moment she is bored, some devillish behavior starts. She gossips about me and my family..usually with lies or exaggerations, just to pass the time with her family. Or she is ruining my clothes by mixing colors that bleed with whites because she is always in a rush without bothering to think first.

I am looking at a sign at the top of my FS page saying 'my weight: 140.2lbs, 52 days ago". That means its been 52 days since I stopped dieting efficiently. I havent gone back to the initial gluttonous behavior that caused my excess weight gain but not eating the salads I should. Still using Splenda instead of sugar but also adding occasional cookies to the mix. Not eating so many fried foods but rice has come back. I think that as long as I steer clear of too many white products, I may not need to lose more weight..just make sure I dont gain any more.

Enough hiding from people, better go down and show my face. See ya all..sorry I havent been reading your journals even though you all are so wonderful about reading mine. I just come here, vent and then run off. I will try and read some if I can. My mood seems so down with gremlins around that I dont feel like I have anything positive to say to anyone.

(8 comments) on diet Atkins

21 August 2008

Still suffering jetlag...even though we only drove to Canada! Every evening, we went to bed at around 4-5am and then had to get up at 11am to prepare for the next days activities. Now all I want to do is ..SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP!

To answer a few questions from previous journals:

Q: What about the food, its supposed to the highlight of Asian functions? (submitted by 08-well something along those lines anyway!)

A: The food was really good, but I wasnt feeling well during the trip so I avoided a lot of the greasy but tasty foods. I was fine as long as I didnt eat. Lots of pre appetizers, appetizers, main courses, after main courses, dessert, Cake..twice (once on girls function and once on boys function!), ice cream, traditional south Asian sweets, White choc and dark choc fountains, fruits..and on and on!!!

I actually ran a fever and was vomiting on the final event so I totally missed everything that day and I heard that the best food was that day!!

Q:Has your relationship with your mother always been strained?
A: Good question because it is something I have been thinking about recently myself. I have never felt so apprehensive about having her around in my 17 years of marriage.

So I have come up with a number of factors that may have affected me.

1-My father in laws absence. My FIL was the most wonderful dad in the world but he really kept his wife on her toes. She was constantly at his beck and call and personally I think she didnt mind because she felt needed. He passed away about four years ago and I have noticed a drastic change in her personality. I think she doesnt know what to do because there is no longer anyone relying on her. Her children all have spouses and her grandkids are independent, so noone really needs her (though we all want her around..just not so in our faces). She has always had her little irritating habits but I have never had such strong feelings until now.

2-Age. Maybe shes getting older and I am also getting older. For her, I also noticed my mom is a lot more irritable and moody as she gets older so perhaps its the same for my MIL. For me, as I get more and more older I am becoming more established or fixed in my ways and I want things my way. I am no longer the green eared bride who didnt want to rock the boat and allowed the MIL to do whatever she felt like. Now I want to run my own home. She has had her turn running a house, so I want her to let me run mine. (This is a problem because I was brought up to respect elders even if that means letting them have their way so as not to offend them.)

But thanks to all the support and encouragement of my FS buddies, and the complaints by my kids of their gran going through their closets, I talked to my hubby again about telling her not to go through things unless asked to. I dont know if it will work but I feel better for having voiced my opinion.

She is back on Saturday and I am currently looking for flower arranging classes or similar craft activities she can do. I have also thought have having a monthly senior Asians drop in day, so all the oldie goldies in the neighborhood can hang out with each other. MIL will just have to realize that she is as old as them...not the 21 year old she thinks she is!!

Oh yeah..dieting..HA HA!! Thats been on the back burner for so long!! I am looking for a diet that allows me cereal and milk because I am totally fed up of eating only eggs every morning, so I need to do some research...probably going to head towards South Beach as it seems to be low carb but with more variety than Atkins. Atkins is the best for weight loss but I feel that maintenance on another diet will allow me to not feel so deprived!!

Finally have a lot to say and its constructive I hope. Take care

(14 comments) on diet Atkins

19 August 2008

FEELING DEPRESSED? WANT TO CHEER UP? ATTEND A PAKISTANI WEDDING!!

Just got back and I am soooooo much happier than I was last week. I guess I just needed to destress and hubbys cousins wedding was the tonic.

South Asian weddings are the bomb - and no alcohol needed!! First there is the traditional pre"Mehndi" (henna)party. This is when families call over female family and friends to have their hands covered with pretty henna designs and spend the night together joking around and dancing. Special food is cooked and all the girls are fed by others because their hands are covered in henna so it feels like royal treatment to get so pampered. Theres always at least one entertainer in the family (here on FS, I nominate BadAndee!) who keeps the whole evening lively, well there was me and another male cousin keeping it real!!

The next night was the actual Mehndi and both families get together to perform little traditions such as placing henna on the bride and grooms hands for luck and then giving them sweets to sweeten their lives. As usual, the party ends with a lot of dancing and noise.

Third event is the "Rukhsati", an event hosted by the girls side. This is a formal dinner and more dancing and then the girl leaves officially for the boys house. There is a lot of traditions here as well such as taking the grooms shoe and requesting money for all the girls sisters and friends in exchange for the shoes return. The brides group made $300 after an initial request of $1000 and a whole lot of playful bargaining down! Of course, we got a piece of the action too, because the grooms sisters then stop entry into the bridal suite until the groom coughs up money, so we also got $300. The bridal suite is decorated with loads and loads of flower garlands (like hawaiian leis) and it truly looked romantic.

Finally, there is one more event hosted by the boys side called the valima. Normally, the bride spends the night with hubby and the next day goes back to her family. Then the next evening (or whenever the valima happens) she returns to live with her hubby permanently and this 'joyful' return is marked by another ceremony.

Of course, these are traditions dating back centuries and a lot has changed since then. The boy and girl stayed in a honeymoon suite at a local hotel instead of going back to the boys home. She didnt go home after the wedding ceremony and they are both back at work already.

It really was a lot of fun and I am going to enjoy the final week before gremlins return. I even may have a new pic for you all..if I can get my camera to work!!!

I am so glad to be back with my FS family and looking forward to getting back to journalling.

(11 comments) on diet Atkins

13 August 2008

Greetings strangers!

Yep, I am back..though I cant say with a vengeance. I have had a gremlin in my home turning my peaceful abode into total chaos. She has gone through and reorganized every single nook and cranny in my house so I am forever trying to find things now. She has reorganized my furniture, my cabinets, my dresser drawers, all the wardrobes, anything she can get her hands on.

She even had the audacity to go through the boxes I had left in the basement because they were clothes that had no place for hanging and were for special occasions only. AAAGHH!! LEAVE MY DAMN STUFF ALONE!

And she has a habit of constantly trying to initiate conversations when I am watching a show. I only watch about one show a day and her constant nattering is driving me nuts. I have resorted to watching tv in my bedroom but now she is claiming I am trying to avoid her..(err...actually I am..but I guess it looks too obvious!!)

Well, I have reprieve for a few days because she has gone to her cousins house to prepare for a wedding. I will also be going to Canada to attend the wedding and then the bliss bubble will burst as she will return with us.

Its only been a week and now I am thinking...how on earth will I survive a lifetime of this??? I really need to get out of the house. I have devised a plan to try and balance me time and she time. She always insists on hopping into the car with me whenever I even take a step towards the garage, so I will take her out first and then she cant have an excuse about not having gone out.Then I can do whatever I want on my own. I am also going to look into some classes. I just have to find something she is not interested in because whenever I have hinted at joining some activity she goes.."oh thats a great idea..we can do it TOGETHER!!"

I wish I had some boring and mundane as I went out and didnt eat McDonalds but this disturber of my harmony is more tedious than the British were to Thomas Jefferson!!!!

I did try to talk to hubby and like grambear sensed, he absolutely refused to hear a word against his 'poor helpful caring mother!'

Well tomorrow I set sail towards plainer lands, aka Canada so hopefully this wedding event will help alleviate my stress a little. Thinking happy thought...thinking happy thoughts!!

(p.s. I really miss all you guys, but I figure that every day my journal would consist of the same issue and I dont want to become an emotional parasite. Therefore, I have limited my journals until I can get a balance in my life and hopefully have more news to report-other than the doings of the gremlin!)

(11 comments) on diet Atkins

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