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showing entries 21 to 25 of 112
21 August 2008
Still suffering jetlag...even though we only drove to Canada! Every evening, we went to bed at around 4-5am and then had to get up at 11am to prepare for the next days activities. Now all I want to do is ..SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP!
To answer a few questions from previous journals:
Q: What about the food, its supposed to the highlight of Asian functions? (submitted by 08-well something along those lines anyway!)
A: The food was really good, but I wasnt feeling well during the trip so I avoided a lot of the greasy but tasty foods. I was fine as long as I didnt eat. Lots of pre appetizers, appetizers, main courses, after main courses, dessert, Cake..twice (once on girls function and once on boys function!), ice cream, traditional south Asian sweets, White choc and dark choc fountains, fruits..and on and on!!!
I actually ran a fever and was vomiting on the final event so I totally missed everything that day and I heard that the best food was that day!!
Q:Has your relationship with your mother always been strained?
A: Good question because it is something I have been thinking about recently myself. I have never felt so apprehensive about having her around in my 17 years of marriage.
So I have come up with a number of factors that may have affected me.
1-My father in laws absence. My FIL was the most wonderful dad in the world but he really kept his wife on her toes. She was constantly at his beck and call and personally I think she didnt mind because she felt needed. He passed away about four years ago and I have noticed a drastic change in her personality. I think she doesnt know what to do because there is no longer anyone relying on her. Her children all have spouses and her grandkids are independent, so noone really needs her (though we all want her around..just not so in our faces). She has always had her little irritating habits but I have never had such strong feelings until now.
2-Age. Maybe shes getting older and I am also getting older. For her, I also noticed my mom is a lot more irritable and moody as she gets older so perhaps its the same for my MIL. For me, as I get more and more older I am becoming more established or fixed in my ways and I want things my way. I am no longer the green eared bride who didnt want to rock the boat and allowed the MIL to do whatever she felt like. Now I want to run my own home. She has had her turn running a house, so I want her to let me run mine. (This is a problem because I was brought up to respect elders even if that means letting them have their way so as not to offend them.)
But thanks to all the support and encouragement of my FS buddies, and the complaints by my kids of their gran going through their closets, I talked to my hubby again about telling her not to go through things unless asked to. I dont know if it will work but I feel better for having voiced my opinion.
She is back on Saturday and I am currently looking for flower arranging classes or similar craft activities she can do. I have also thought have having a monthly senior Asians drop in day, so all the oldie goldies in the neighborhood can hang out with each other. MIL will just have to realize that she is as old as them...not the 21 year old she thinks she is!!
Oh yeah..dieting..HA HA!! Thats been on the back burner for so long!! I am looking for a diet that allows me cereal and milk because I am totally fed up of eating only eggs every morning, so I need to do some research...probably going to head towards South Beach as it seems to be low carb but with more variety than Atkins. Atkins is the best for weight loss but I feel that maintenance on another diet will allow me to not feel so deprived!!
Finally have a lot to say and its constructive I hope. Take care
19 August 2008
FEELING DEPRESSED? WANT TO CHEER UP? ATTEND A PAKISTANI WEDDING!!
Just got back and I am soooooo much happier than I was last week. I guess I just needed to destress and hubbys cousins wedding was the tonic.
South Asian weddings are the bomb - and no alcohol needed!! First there is the traditional pre"Mehndi" (henna)party. This is when families call over female family and friends to have their hands covered with pretty henna designs and spend the night together joking around and dancing. Special food is cooked and all the girls are fed by others because their hands are covered in henna so it feels like royal treatment to get so pampered. Theres always at least one entertainer in the family (here on FS, I nominate BadAndee!) who keeps the whole evening lively, well there was me and another male cousin keeping it real!!
The next night was the actual Mehndi and both families get together to perform little traditions such as placing henna on the bride and grooms hands for luck and then giving them sweets to sweeten their lives. As usual, the party ends with a lot of dancing and noise.
Third event is the "Rukhsati", an event hosted by the girls side. This is a formal dinner and more dancing and then the girl leaves officially for the boys house. There is a lot of traditions here as well such as taking the grooms shoe and requesting money for all the girls sisters and friends in exchange for the shoes return. The brides group made $300 after an initial request of $1000 and a whole lot of playful bargaining down! Of course, we got a piece of the action too, because the grooms sisters then stop entry into the bridal suite until the groom coughs up money, so we also got $300. The bridal suite is decorated with loads and loads of flower garlands (like hawaiian leis) and it truly looked romantic.
Finally, there is one more event hosted by the boys side called the valima. Normally, the bride spends the night with hubby and the next day goes back to her family. Then the next evening (or whenever the valima happens) she returns to live with her hubby permanently and this 'joyful' return is marked by another ceremony.
Of course, these are traditions dating back centuries and a lot has changed since then. The boy and girl stayed in a honeymoon suite at a local hotel instead of going back to the boys home. She didnt go home after the wedding ceremony and they are both back at work already.
It really was a lot of fun and I am going to enjoy the final week before gremlins return. I even may have a new pic for you all..if I can get my camera to work!!!
I am so glad to be back with my FS family and looking forward to getting back to journalling.
13 August 2008
Yep, I am back..though I cant say with a vengeance. I have had a gremlin in my home turning my peaceful abode into total chaos. She has gone through and reorganized every single nook and cranny in my house so I am forever trying to find things now. She has reorganized my furniture, my cabinets, my dresser drawers, all the wardrobes, anything she can get her hands on.
She even had the audacity to go through the boxes I had left in the basement because they were clothes that had no place for hanging and were for special occasions only. AAAGHH!! LEAVE MY DAMN STUFF ALONE!
And she has a habit of constantly trying to initiate conversations when I am watching a show. I only watch about one show a day and her constant nattering is driving me nuts. I have resorted to watching tv in my bedroom but now she is claiming I am trying to avoid her..(err...actually I am..but I guess it looks too obvious!!)
Well, I have reprieve for a few days because she has gone to her cousins house to prepare for a wedding. I will also be going to Canada to attend the wedding and then the bliss bubble will burst as she will return with us.
Its only been a week and now I am thinking...how on earth will I survive a lifetime of this??? I really need to get out of the house. I have devised a plan to try and balance me time and she time. She always insists on hopping into the car with me whenever I even take a step towards the garage, so I will take her out first and then she cant have an excuse about not having gone out.Then I can do whatever I want on my own. I am also going to look into some classes. I just have to find something she is not interested in because whenever I have hinted at joining some activity she goes.."oh thats a great idea..we can do it TOGETHER!!"
I wish I had some boring and mundane as I went out and didnt eat McDonalds but this disturber of my harmony is more tedious than the British were to Thomas Jefferson!!!!
I did try to talk to hubby and like grambear sensed, he absolutely refused to hear a word against his 'poor helpful caring mother!'
Well tomorrow I set sail towards plainer lands, aka Canada so hopefully this wedding event will help alleviate my stress a little. Thinking happy thought...thinking happy thoughts!!
(p.s. I really miss all you guys, but I figure that every day my journal would consist of the same issue and I dont want to become an emotional parasite. Therefore, I have limited my journals until I can get a balance in my life and hopefully have more news to report-other than the doings of the gremlin!)
06 August 2008
MIL has arrived.Diet has departed.
I am definitely an emotional eater because I have been overeating small comforts for the past few days for no reason. Well the reason is probably the present company. And for those of you who asked...she is here permanently! In the South Asian culture it is the norm for the boys parents to live with him. As mine is the only son, there is no debate about which son she wants to live with.
What is so bad? Well, lets start off with her first day. Everyone who moves into a new home is curious about where everything is. So we gave her a tour of the house but she decided to give herself a tour of all our cabinets and drawers as well. Kids rooms, my dresser, my bathroom cabinets. Invasion of privacy!!
Next, she is the biggest exaggerator/liar in the world. We had meatballs two days ago and my hubby commented on how tasty they were. She said "Well I didnt have all the ingredients I normally use but I tried my best. I am so glad you liked them". The problem? She lied blatantly in front of the person who actually made them - me!
Then she is telling everyone that I still havent bothered to unpack my boxes from the container we shipped here. Thats also not true. I unpacked everything that belonged to me or the kids. The only boxes (and theres a lot!) in our basement belonged to her or her son. HE is the one not bothering to empty his stuff because of the lack of space to put the stuff in.
Why is she doing this? I thought about you guys and what advice you would have given me. I am sure some of you will tell me to confront her. I really am thinking of calling the people she has lied to and telling them subtly that I did unpack and the boxes she is referring to are her own and my hubbys. Am I being trivial?
I know I will have to take a stand but she is so bloody hyper-sensitive. For example, when we were packing dishes in Pakistan, she asked me which ones I wanted to take. I told her we should only take the valuable ones because we would be able to buy new dinner sets in America. She then asked me to select the ones I thought we should pack. I did and walked off. Later two of the servants told me that she was complaining that I didnt want to take anything of hers because I didnt like her stuff and that I had no manners. I confronted her and said "choose whatever you want, dont ask me. I only gave my opinion and if something here is not valuable but has sentimental value just go ahead and pack it." She then proceeded to complain to her neice that I had mistreated her!!
So if I stay quiet, I suffer, but if I speak, I suffer. It feels like a no win situation here.
I am going to take the advice of grams and try to get her to start sewing clothes. She isnt that good but it might keep her busy. We already have a sewing machine and maybe that will entertain her for a short while.
Lord give me strength. Please excuse me while I find a nice comfortable wall to smash my head against!!!
02 August 2008
Two foods for thought-literally!
1. Sugar is bad for me. I ate pancakes two mornings ago and about two hours later I got the worst jitters all over my body. The worst thing was that my right cheek also started to twitch badly. In addition to that, I have noticed that when I get off my diet, within a week or two, I become very moody and depressed.I dont feel like doing anything, I cant concentrate and I feel lousy. High carb products are bad for me..bad, bad, BAD!!
2. Eating too many supplements gives me headaches and nausea. I normally eat a multivitamin and a hair supplement. I have added an energy booster (packed with b vitamins and more) and also amino acids to the diet. I have just realized that every time I eat all the tablets together, I get the intense headaches and sinus pain, coupled with occasional nausea. I am going to stop eating the latter two supplements for a few days. If nothing happens, I will reintroduce 1 supplement and see how it goes. I am hoping that this might be able to pinpoint which supplement could be the headache culprit.
MOTHER IN LAWS PENDING ARRIVAL
MIL is arriving tomorrow. I cant tell you guys how stressed out I am, even though I am not sure why I am this stressed out. I have always been closer to my father in law and ever since he passed away my relationship with my MIL has become more and more distant. I think it might be because my father in law always had the last say and he was a wise man so I respected his decisions more. My mother in law and I dont have much in common intellectually. She is into fashion and shopping whereas I prefer going to a bookstore and having discussions about politics and people like Noam Chomsky. Her thinking patterns differ from mine too. I think first and then act, she tends to act first and think later (sometimes, thinking isnt in the process at all!!) Though I respect her as an elder, I dont have respect for her lack of common sense.
When she is here, the pros are that I get company and she helps around the house, unlike some in laws who sit on their lazy asses and expect their daughter in law to slave away.
The cons are that she will try to take over things like making my bedroom and no matter how many times I tell her not to, it just falls on deaf ears. Short of being rude to her, I dont know how else to make her realize that I want to do things my way and in my own sweet time. She thinks that she is merely helping me out because my bed wasnt made and its already afternoon. My contention is that even if it is midnight, its MY responsbility to make the bed.
She gossips about my daily family going ons to her daughters and family members. I never know anything about her daughters children or her daughters relationships with their spouses but every little tiff is made headline news. Every time a kid talks back to me, it is spread around the grapevine.
And then there is the guilt factor. She wants to tag along every single time I leave the house. I do try to take her out as often as I can but I dont want to babysit her. I cant get a break from little bear and now I will have to take her everywhere too. Its not entirely her fault. I feel guilty about leaving her home alone because I know she is housebound and her only way to get out and about is through me. I also realize how crappy it is to be cooped up in the house constantly so I dont want her to be in that situation either.
Sorry guys, just venting and hopefully its just a whole bunch of worrying over nothing.
Hope I get to chat ya'all soon..you betcha (just for you bad andee!!)
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