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16 April 2015

Our house, once the contractors are gone for the day, is too quiet. I find myself sitting in silence, just staring out the window. Here it comes, the heaviness and emptiness...seeping into my system, but I am aware this time. This time will be different!

House is coming along - they built the bookcase for our living room, stained the french doors, and worked on trim work. The large window is in and has plenty of insulation (which the former window had zero!). I found a photo of our house when we first moved in....amazing how much work has been done. We're even considering more later with the same contractors. They do amazing work and are conscious of existing imperfections -- to repair them or make suggestions for future repairs. So glad we selected them out of all the ones we considered.

I know this seems crazy and too early, but Tuesday night I visited Petfinder.com and actually may have found our next pet. Talked with sister about it (she has rescued 3) and she suggested I reach out to the rescue organization about the pup. I did, received a lengthy application to complete and return and a request to visit the dog with family in tow to see if we're a match. The latter I totally agree with. Which we would bring our friends with their 2 year old daughter (we do stuff with them nearly every weekend, so compatibility with the 2 year old is a MUST), my mom (who would keep when we were away unless we boarded dog -- and she has two dogs - both goofy and playful and a cat who is playful but has not adjusted to her new dog yet, and of course hubby and I. Dog is about 3 hours away....so you know, we'll see. The first weekend of May would be the earliest opportunity to visit, as we have church duties Saturday, and next weekend we are going for an overnight trip.

Haven't removed his dog bed which is immediately on my side of the bed. Turned his fan on last night...just too quiet without it. Weird to not be told when to go to bed last night. (Rufus was the best in telling us when to go to sleep by walking back and forth from the living room and the bedroom and when to wake up to a nose in your face and heavy breathing with a stub tail wagging.) This is the first time since 1992 that I've not had a furry child. The longest I have gone without a dog prior is about 2 weeks. I've grown up with dogs...they are a part of my life, and frankly, I think they make my life better.

I did exercise last night -- I had cardio scheduled on my calendar, and I walked in place for 30 minutes, while watching "Identity Theft" with Justin Bateman. It was funny in parts and unnerving in others. I can tell I am turning into my mother (not that would be all bad), but the language, I can totally do without the hard core stuff. And had they left it out, the movie would still be just as funny, you know???

Got my water in and ate what I scheduled for yesterday. Today, it's a little cooler and I wanted something warm, so gonna add it right now.

Peace be with you.

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15 April 2015

Good afternoon (nearly said morning, as old habits die hard).

I thank DairyFarmersWife for allowing me to start the challenge a day late. I did do 30 minutes of yoga last night on the dog's bed (didn't want him to move any more than necessary, as walking has become challenging for him).

This morning we put our dog Rufus down. He lived an amazingly good life of 12 years and 10 months. If the vet would have been open yesterday, we would have taken him then. Last night was rough on him and rough on me -- I dreamed about him and the vet and just all of it. Then I kept thinking I'd slept through my alarm, or changed it to a later time. Let's just say it was restless.

My husband was able to go with me today, and my mom met us there. The vet did come to the truck, where Rufus was stretched out across the backseat (where he normally is) and injected peace. We have buried him on our property in a small wooded area between our house and the roadway, so he can still guard us. LOL. We also buried his two favorite toys with him - Max from 1-800 Pet Meds and the hedgehog. We planted 3 wild azalea bushes in a triangle above him, and placed stepping stones on and around the area. My mom and another friend came to witness the burial. Fortunately, we'd had a bit of rain come through this morning to soften the ground even more. It's been a tough morning. NO makeup today, else I would be blinded by mascara. Even the contractors showed compassion. I have not shared on FB. You've seen more than the majority of my friends/acquaintances/co-workers know. When it comes to matters of my heart, I can be a private person. When it comes to my immediate family - husband, dog and myself I tend to be more private than public. Even with the contractors banging around, it seems too quiet. There will be more tears to come....

Emotional eating is in check today...I'm eating, but not really overly hungry.

Was pleased with the weight loss, think it had everything to do with drinking so much water.

New puppy/dog? Eventually, hubby wants to wait until the construction of our house is completed. Hard to believe, we are talking about doing more after we pay off some of what we have done. I have looked on Petfinder.com, yet haven't seen any that tugged at my heart. It was just a mindless activity...kind of like candy crush.
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15 April 2015

Weigh-in: 241.9 lb lost so far: 8.1 lb still to go: 7.3 lb Diet followed reasonably well
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14 April 2015

Good morning! The first day of the Dairy Farmers Wife Madness #2 challenge, I didn't do so hot. Way over calories, however, there was a reason (isn't there always when you are an emotional eater?) Rufus, my furry child of 12.5 years...poor thing has unofficially diagnosed congestive heart failure and his legs are not working like they used to. My husband parked right next to the house, meaning it's about 25 to 30 feet to the front door, and my precious Rufus had to stop about 10 feet from the door -- completely out of breath and had to lay on his side for about 7 minutes before he could continue to come inside where he lay just past the front door for another 20 minutes, before he could walk another 20 feet to his food bowl. This is seriously breaking my heart. I cannot tell you how many times I have sobbed over the fast approaching passing of my beloved dog. And still can if I think about it too hard. I know my life will go on without him....but it's still terribly hurtful to consider that as a soon to be reality. Today the vet is closed, else he might have passed on to Heaven where my Daddy, his sister Minnie Mouse, his mother Pig, and many others are awaiting him. They say your pet will tell you when it's time. His eyes...so expressive and in so much pain, though not a peep do you hear from his mouth. His breathing also is a good indicator that he is in pain too. And the shaking. And holding up his right front paw. And staggering as his back legs don't want to go the way he wants them to go. I had a little time with God this morning -- I had to. I am praying for His strength and His comfort to get through this. And also I am praying to not be so selfish and keep my puppy power in pain just because I want him here with me. I am also praying to be joyful in this situation, though it is very challenging for me. I will be joyful because ultimately this decision will be better for him. He's had an amazing life and he has brought me so much joy (and a little anger when he was potty training and left large surprises in random places in the dining room, and laughter when he and his sister escaped our yard and kept people in their cars when they were trying to attend a funeral....and the police were called. Fortunately, no one was bitten.) He always wants to be where I am. He abhors the vet's office and I really am sad that is the place he will spend his last moments. :( That said, I overate last night...out of sadness that a chapter in my life is closing.

Today, I'm starting out better and tonight will have a shake versus actually eating something. Trying to counter balance what I ate yesterday. I did no exercise yesterday (unless you count crying and washing a few dishes).

Contractors are here today - was planning on working from my sister's house, but with Rufus having issues, decided to stay home and work from the bed...it's mostly out of the way for them working. However, since we are moving our bedroom door to our new bedroom, we may have some interaction with them. They are working on the trim today, and building our new bookcase in stained walnut. We have so many shades of stain/wood in our house, what's one more? I'm really not into the matchy-matchy thing -- good thing. Our house is looking amazing. I cannot wait to spread back out and be in more space than our bedroom, a smaller version of our living room, and kitchen. We added 650 more square feet to our house, which was less than 1000 square feet to begin with. They appear to be really close to finishing by the end of this month. Ahhhh....I really look forward to that. Just sad Rufus will not be here to see the completed work, though he has inspected each and every corner.

I had looked for another breed of dog that was similar to Rufus....he's half Old English Bulldog and traveling salesman. Really hard to find a breed since he was mixed. I really love the personality of Old English Bulldogs, but they come with quite the price tag. I really love the size of Bull Mastiffs, however, their life spans are shorter -- but their personalities are similar to Rufus. I've had a Boykin Spaniel -- I had one that was black and white versus the registered color of chocolate and white -- they are extremely intelligent and good personality dogs. They are a medium size dog and is our state dog. I prefer larger dogs, that don't bark like crazy, and won't chew (like a lab). Tall order.

Will work on putting up clean clothes at lunch and also will work in some yoga tonight....I need the exercise.

Thanks for listening.
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13 April 2015

Last night at Youth, we studied the Fruit of the Spirit, and challenged each other to pick one to pray for God's help in the next month. I chose love....and God said I was to work on being joyful. So, I'm praying for His Will to help me become joyful!

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
King James Version (KJV)

Today, I am a bottomless pit! Ate breakfast and by 9:30am, the tummy was talking and none too quiet either! Ate some celery sticks with laughing cow cheese wedge. Lunch is to be tuna....supper is rotisserie chicken with cole slaw salad mix with whatever I add to it. Might even try to get in a little walk later, if only inside the house!


Homeworks ministry was awesome...feeling the soreness in my muscles and the sunburn on my arms!
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