MichelleNRGIZED's Journal

MichelleNRGIZED's Profile |Send a Message | Weight History

showing entries 31 to 35 of 38

Page: Prev ... 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next

01 September 2015

I had breakfast today. :D

Yes, it's worth mentioning. I used to be a daily breakfast eater. Oh, I'd miss the odd day here & there for various reasons, but for the most part, I'd eat breakfast. In the past several years, though, ever since I worked straight nights, I never really got back into a regular, healthy eating schedule. It's the last holdover from those years that I've never sorted out. It's well past time, though, & already I feel better this morning for having eaten breakfast.

*To avoid any possible confusion, when I talk about working nights, I mean "graveyard shifts." I don't like calling them that, though - I used to work in a nursing home & it just never seemed right. I'm not superstitious at all or felt like I was tempting fate or any such thing, but I just never felt right calling night shifts "graveyard shifts." Mind you, neither did my dad; so that's probably where it all started for me. haha :)

I'm starting up a personal challenge for myself today, & I'll let y'all know about it later - I'm just trying to decide on one last thing, but daily breakfast is definitely a part of it, I decided this morning. :D

(2 comments)

22 August 2015

So! I've gone down a little bit. Yay! I'd like to loose faster, but it's my own fault if I don't. I've come to some realisations lately that, should I continue to keep them in mind, will really help me reach my goal. It's a slow go, but I'd rather loose weight slowly & keep it off than to loose it quickly & risk gaining it back, even a part of it. Slow & steady wins the race, although I will work harder so that it does come off faster. I can loose faster than I am & still be successful - I just need to work at it. I can be a very hard & determined & stubborn worker when I want to be. The question is - do I want to be? Yes!!

Weigh-in: 208.3 lb

lost so far: 5.5 lb

still to go: 67.2 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(2 comments) losing 0.5 lb a week

18 August 2015

Lately, a lot has been on my mind. Most of it's been to do with my physical state, both my body & my home. Both are a mess & both need a lot of work. Well, my home's structurally sound & in good shape that way, but I need to sort out a lot of junk in here. Not all of it's junk & most of what needs to go can be donated to the local thrift store or sold. Some stuff will just be tossed since it isn't worth keeping & needs to be gotten rid of, but, as I said, I have a lot that can be donated or sold.

I have no problem once or twice a year going through my clothes & getting rid of a lot of it, but the rest of the things in my home, well, that always proves harder. I have the potential to be a hoarder, & I've known for quite a while that a lot of my holding onto stuff is a way to hold people back, to keep walls in place, something that's become an uncomfortably comfortable (if that makes any sense) way of keeping others at bay. I've only had people into my home a handful of times since I moved in here almost 7 years ago. It's become a shield, but I'm not happy with this shield. I'm not actually happy with having a shield to hold people back, & I'm sick & tired of it.

It's the same with my physical self. Part of why I've let myself get to the size that I am is because I don't want people to get close to me. At least not quickly. Occasionally I let people come close & past certain barriers that I cautiously let the rare person past, but I don't want those barriers to be up any longer.

I'm an introvert & always have been, & so there will always be that part of me that clings to my alone time & to having quiet time & solitude in order to keep my strength & to recharge. That's just part of who I am.

That's different from having a thick wall around me, though, whether it's in the form of boxes of stuff in my home or in the form of being overweight. It's one thing to be on my own & confident & to share my life with others & the like, but it's another thing altogether to hide behind stuff & my weight.

I'm tired of hiding.

I will never be the kind of person who lets people in easily or quickly - I never have been, even before things started happening that helped to make me who I am today - but I can definitely be a lot more open & wiling to let people in, & that is a huge part of why I'm doing what I'm doing, as well as why I'm recommitting to this now.

We all have hurts in our past & we all go through things. That's part of life. The thing that matters is what we do with our pasts & what's happened to us. I've unconsciously let myself hide & keep to myself. Yes, I'm an introvert & will always seek solitude, but my seeking of solitude goes way beyond what even an introvert does.

I'm ready to be open & to start letting people in - slowly - & I'm choosing now to recommit to losing weight, whether it's physical or emotional or mentally or spiritually or in the form of stuff.

So here I go!!

(2 comments)

28 July 2015

I'm having so much trouble getting going today. I've been awake for quite a while, but I just lay in bed for a long time, blanket over my head, shutting out the day that was moving on without me. I'm in a bit of a funk today - just stuff.

Dublin (my cat, for the few who don't know about him :) ) went to me & we shared a little bit of lovin's - headbutts & cheek rubs from him, & pats & strokes from me. He left the bed & I slowly got up to do my thing. There in my bedroom doorway was Dublin. He saw me & flopped on the ground. We share more affection before he got up & dashed off to another part of our home.

Now I'm sitting in the living room trying to get the energy to do something, but it's not working very much. Oh, I can't stand it when depression does this! *sigh!!* I will be fine, & sharing about it helps a little.

Dublin's currently outside. I have a harness that I put on him when he wants to go outside. This way he can get out when he wants, as long as the family who lives upstairs isn't outside (he doesn't like dogs or small children, & there're both up there), when it's light outside. Letting him out boosted my mood a bit - it's amazing how doing things for others can help a lot.

I don't have chemical depression. Rather, mine's situational, in which I focus on what's going on in my life & I let the bad stuff get me down so much that the weight of it bears down on me more than I feel that I can handle sometimes. I don't have enough work right now to pay my bills or to meet other needs, & I'm feeling super stuck. It's been so long since I've made more than enough money, & it's been hitting me again lately. I never get to the point where I want to end it all, but I do have a strong desire to just grab Dublin & take off somewhere without letting anyone know where I'm going. I couldn't do that to my family or friends, though. I know they'd worry like crazy, & I couldn't purposely put anyone through that.

It's gonna be one of those days, though, in which I'll be fighting my mood & struggling to do even the most basic of things that need doing today. This fight is worth it, though. I will make it through, & I'll keep on with what I need to do.

I just had to share because I know that I'm not alone in this & because sharing helps to lighten the load.

(3 comments)

23 July 2015

I joined a challenge last night that appeals to me, but I didn't do what I said I'd do. Mind you, the thing just started, & there are many other days to go. I was going to go for a 30 minute walk (at least) & crochet & write for at least 30 minutes each today. I didn't, though, because I did something to my ankle, & so walking's not the easiest. I'm sure I'm fine & will be able to walk well enough tomorrow. I was able to exercise at work & was on my feet for the two hours that I was there - I work in home support. It was after that that my ankle started hurting. So I'm resting it. As for my hands, they're sore & stiff, & so are my elbows. I have be careful because I have tennis elbow. I'll be fine as far as that goes, too. It can be frustrating, but I do what I can when I can. At least I was able to work & can type this much. So that's good! :)

(2 comments)

MichelleNRGIZED's weight history

view complete history

MichelleNRGIZED's Journal

01 September 2015

22 August 2015

18 August 2015

28 July 2015

23 July 2015

Other Related Links

Members

MichelleNRGIZED's weight history