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Weight History
showing entries 11 to 15 of 55
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30 August 2011
My husband is in the hospital and having surgery today. I am a wreck.
(1 comment)
25 August 2011
Blah. I haven't been journaling because I'm not losing weight. I'm losing inches, but at this point am also thinking I might be pregnant. *sigh* I know it's a terrible thing to say, but I am terrified of having a child. The world is not a kind place, and I fear that if I'm not very careful, my Jellybean could grow up to be one of the mean kids.
If I am pregnant, I will have to sell my horse, or find someone to ride him for me. He is too forward and too young for me to feel absolutely safe on him if I'm carrying a child. If I'm not, it doesn't matter if I fall (which is rare) or he does something stupid (also rare), but if I am pregnant, I need to be more careful.
Hopefully if I do sell him, we will be able to move out to Utah by next Spring. I do NOT want to raise a child here. :(
(1 comment)
17 August 2011
Weigh-in:
235.0 lb
lost so far:
25.0 lb
still to go:
75.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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losing 4.7 lb a week
15 August 2011
This week has been tough. Somewhere, I have lost hope. Last night, my husband made a video of me riding my horse. My goodness. I never knew I was so big. Thank goodness my boy is over 17 hands high and can carry me like an afterthought, but if I were just starting out in riding and weighed this much, there is NO WAY he would be a good horse for me. If I didn't know how to balance myself, I'd be afraid to ride him with his navicular issues. I hate that my ability to ride well is the only thing that keeps me off of a draft cross. I hate that I will never look good in show clothes, because at this moment, I feel like a fat cow. I have been making bad decisions based on being ill this past week as well as the fact that I just don't want to put so much effort in to what I eat.
I used to pray for death, hoping that my depression and pain would end beyond the veil. I forgot about the judgment, and though God is merciful, I am doubtful that He will overlook my care (or lack thereof) of my body.
I don't know how to get motivated again, or how to stay motivated.
(3 comments)
11 August 2011
Weigh-in:
239.0 lb
lost so far:
21.0 lb
still to go:
79.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
add comment
losing 7.0 lb a week
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