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I don't have dreams often, at least that I remember. Last night I had a dream that took me by surprise. It was about a longtime friend that hasn't spoken in over two years now. She has struggled with her weight and I've always wanted to be supportive for her. In my dream someone came up to me and excitedly said look at her, she had lost all of the weight she had always wanted to lose. My reaction was not what I expected. I just burst into tears so happy and proud of her that I couldn't even speak. I was so proud and so happy. In my head, I've chosen to be numb over the situation and the loss. Sure, you always wish for the people you love to have happiness, I expected I would've smiled and said, "That's awesome! Congrats to you!!" I didn't expect to see me so filled with the emotion that I was.
Maybe it's true that dreams tell us what is really going on behind the scenes in our minds. The emotions we don't want to acknowledge.
Maybe it's that periodic time where I stop and think about the situation. There are no answers to the questions that go through my head about it. So I bury it and choose to move forward with my life with those that are here for me, who love me.
Maybe it's just the a reinforcement that true love does not die no matter what. We can bury things and choose to be numb but inside of us that love is still there regardless. Maybe even if I want to, I can't change who I am.
Maybe it's because I am doing this for me right now and in my heart I hope she's doing it for her too. I want to feel good about me, I have always wanted her to truly feel good about her too.
That's a lot of maybes. Dreams can be wonderful things that make us look inside of ourselves and contemplate. Maybe my next dream I will see me at my goal weight and burst out in tears, haha... that would be nice :)
In other news, this is my newest low. *cheer*
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175.6 lb
Lost so far: 24.4 lb.
Still to go: 35.6 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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losing 2.8 lb a week
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