Berly1023's Journal, 23 April 2018

I don't loose weight weekly. I never have. I show a loss like every 10 days. I know I am weird. I remember going to weight watchers years ago and doing the weekly weigh ins and I would never show a loss, and everybody would clap and say "It's Ok hang in there, keep at it, you can do it!" then like 3 days later I would get I the scale and be like "WOOOHOO! down 3 pounds, yeah!" I would look around like somebody was gonna notice but this wasn't meeting day and nobody was there. I wanted it to be like AA and I could seek out any meeting just to get on the scale and show everybody I did it. Then meeting day would come I would get on the scale and be down like a pound. This kinda thing just freaks me out, starts me over analyzing every thing. Back then I was younger so I would try starving myself for days before weigh in. That was a dumb idea. I have been on this roller coaster ride so many times I could tell stories all night. Thing is I have been successful almost every time. This time I thought it would stick because I thought I had it all figured out. I didn't take into account my age and injury and the length of time I could be down for the count. I didn't know how to handle that. The frustration of not being able to function, not do my workouts, not do my daily activities and struggle just to do my job. I laughed at the doctors who have a doctors salary and kept telling me I needed to take time off to heal. I am single and live paycheck to paycheck, I couldn't take time off. All that stress, I caved, I ate a whole pizza on more than one occasion and I didn't care. I gave up hope, I stopped trying, and for a while food was the only thing that made me happy. I didn't go near the scale, except for doctors appointments. My clothes kept getting tighter and my wardrobe getting more and more limited. I kept making half hearted attempts at starting a program. Slowly I eased into being accountable for what I was eating. Trying to add a few more steps to the Fitbit each week. But my motivation was not there. I didn't have any at all really. Even though I knew I was out of control. Then I got on the scale and nearly fell off. Not only was I back in the 300 club, I was halfway to the 400 party. I have never been this heavy in all my life. I tried to get on the scale this week. It was bad. But I have been pretty good. So I stressed out on friday and ate, a lot. Can't even recall what I really consumed. Saturday was a little better but I was aware and accountable for my actions so I managed some control and by Sunday I was back on track. I won't do that again. Every two weeks is enough scale time for me. My first goal is just to get out of the 300 club. My second is to get back down to where I was before the surgery. The progress may be slower then it was before because my mobility is limited. As long as I just keep trying eventually it will have to pay off. Right.

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1737 kcal

Fat: 71.76g | Prot: 101.37g | Carb: 166.58g.   Breakfast: Archer Farms Raw Mixed Nuts, Panera Bread Fresh Fruit Cup (Large), Cream Cheese, Panera Bread Everything Bagel, Coffee with Cream and Sugar. Lunch: Food Lion Pork Rinds, Sweet Baby Ray's Honey Barbecue Beef Jerky. Dinner: Thousand Island Dressing, Grape Tomatoes, Mixed Salad Greens, Publix Sliced Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Deli Turkey or Chicken Breast Meat. Snacks/Other: Bananas, Whole Wheat Saltine Crackers. more...

3917 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 30 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...