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I have been MIA for...wow...almost 3 months. UGH! Here is what has been going on...
Got off the Wellbutrin. What a roller coaster ride!! I knew it would be difficult, but better for me in the long run. I ate 'comfort foods' when I hit plateaus-and subsequently, depression periods-to try and feel better. This lasted for about a month and a half to two months. The comfort food did not work...it NEVER does. I knew this, yet I still fell back to those old habits for 'comfort and support' with food instead of using the network of great friends I have to help me. I do have to say that for me, it's difficult when living alone to reach out when I need to. I don't feel that I can just call someone and talk through what's going on inside my head when I want to shove crap food down my throat...KNOWING the consequences and not caring at that particular moment because I feel so depressed and lonely that I don't even care enough about myself to say no.
The other 'distraction' is...I got a new job!! I am super excited and can't wait to start on Monday. This was a month long process of interviews, a test, and waiting. I was SOOO stressed over this, my stomach was in knots most of the time. I told a few people I work with (and they kept my secret) cause I couldn't stand keeping it inside. I was wonderfully surprised by a guy I work with that supported me throughout this whole thing. The job is a wonderful opportunity and has a future whereas my old job did not. I am also going to be helping out at my old job for a few months (to help supplement the difference in pay at new job) doing different work than the position I held. So I will be working 2 new jobs starting Monday.
This will present me with a new set of challenges, but not as stressful as the past few months. The challenge that awaits me now is all about planning. I be gone from my home for about 12 hours a day with work M-F (I have my weekends-yay!). This means I have to plan my meals and stick to them. This also means I have to figure out if I am going to pay my monthly gym fee and make myself go in at 6 a.m. or 8 p.m. (I have a key and can work out by myself)...or just do the Sunday morning class I do now and workout on my own at home-which I have yet to do with all the equipment I have bought.
I know if I keep eating clean food and keep gluten out of my diet, I will have more energy and be much more likely to follow through with all these good changes regarding my health. Sidenote-just went to my thyroid doc and all my numbers are great or better, so the food changes I have been doing have made an impact on my health. I'm very surprised the past 3 months of eating out, beer drinking and sedentary life haven't messed that up...though it will if I don't get back 'on the wagon'.
I guess my biggest hurdle is being alone and feeling it emotionally. That is what triggers the depression, the tears, and the bad choices. It's something I haven't really acknowledged until now. What I do to not let it affect me is up to me. What will make me follow through and continue good choices instead of feeling defeated at the first downward dip? Knowing that it will be better in the end. Knowing that one day I won't be alone and will have someone to love and hold in my arms. How do I convince myself of this? That I don't know. Perhaps that is my key.
Anyway, that's what has been going on and I will be back here more often to keep myself accountable. :-)
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223.0 lb
Lost so far: 17.0 lb.
Still to go: 83.0 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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gaining 0.4 lb a week
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