ziannelyn's Journal, 15 March 2012

no change yet but i have to loose the weight before my sister's wedding i don't want my whole family to see how much i have let myself go in the last few years even though i know many of them have too. i just feel like i have not only let myself down and if they see me i will be letting them down too. not to mention that i am terrified that my hernia repairs will come undone if i take off my abdominal binder because i have gained 20 pounds since the surgery which i had in August or September of this last year. i just have to slug it out and loose as much as i can before may 24th i just have to and want to change the way i feel and look. if i loose some weight maybe Chris might actually sleep with me again but i know he feels just as bad about the bit of weight he has gained as i feel about mine but he looks better than i do he's over 6 feet tall and 280 and i am 5'3" and 285 his weight is stretched out and i'm just a overstuffed sausage. i want to loose this weight so i hate myself less because i am so overly critical of everything i do, say, eat and think that it is just killing all of the zest and passion i had for life before. FUCK i used to paint and draw and people loved it but i let that all slip because while i was eating and gaining i also ate away most of my natural creativity and my love of art. now i find myself trying to teach my children about art and i feel just clouded. 10 years ago if i had been trying to write a simple children's book i would have had tons of ideas but now i just feel like i am only half inspired by the work of others like i no longer house a single thought of my own like i am just a shell that once held something greater. but all these things are able to be changed with time.
285.0 lb Lost so far: 0 lb.    Still to go: 125.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entries for 15 March 2012:
280 kcal Fat: 3.00g | Prot: 2.00g | Carb: 67.00g.   Breakfast: York Dark Chocolate Covered Peppermint Patties, honeycrisp apple (large). more...
4751 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sitting - 5 hours, Standing - 2 hours, Stretching (yoga) - 1 hour, Desk Work - 3 hours, Housework - 3 hours, Sleeping - 5 hours, Resting - 5 hours. more...
steady weight

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Comments 
Zain, You can do it! First of all, you know the things you need to do. Try not to get caught up on the most important step. GIVE YOURSELF a break. SEE yourself being what you want to be. Believe you are what you want to be first! You're SELF image is the most important part. If you don't fix self image, you're subconscious mind will sabatoge any progress you'll undoubtedly have. Focus on seeing yourself in the body you want to be in(daily). YOUR SELF IMAGE IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. It's not your fault, but it's up to you to change it. http://www.beyonddiet.com/BD -watch the video 5 foods to never eat. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBnniua6-oM this is a long one, but it's scientific proof for the first video YOU GOT THIS! RECORD EVERYTHING! GIVE YOURSELF TIME! CHANGE YOUR HABITS, AND CHANGE YOUR FUTURE! 
02 Apr 12 by member: InclineD
I know just how you feel... my sister wedding is in 3months and I don't want to go go with this side I'm am now I think you can do it I was 304 and now 283 but I did a lot of yo yo diteing and had to stop that don't know what I could do to keep losing need help with that but I do wish you all the best... 
03 Mar 13 by member: marthawright78

     
 

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