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This post here is hard to write... So, I have a birthday this weekend, Mother's day and a funeral. It's hard to be happy when you're feeling so sad. I'll be 41 and all I want to do is feel joyous that I'm achieving my goals and that for my birthday I'm the lightest I've been in nearly 5 years. But, the lose of a loved one weighs heavy on my heart. Then there is the guilt. Guilty because I want to be happy that for the fist time in years I have clothing choices for the funeral where as before it was always clothing settlements on what I looked least fat and miserable in. Guilty because I want to be happy about the fact I can be around my family and not feel ashamed that I've 'let myself go'. But for all the things I want to be able to be happy about, I can't take real joy in it right now. I'm also feeling a bit miserable about all the unhealthy food options I'm about to be faced with. Lord, this sounds like the most selfish post ever. Anyway, thanks for reading but I needed to get some things off my chest. And nobody who is not trying to lose weight could ever understand where I'm coming from.
Diet Calendar Entry for 06 May 2016:
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392 kcal
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Fat: 43.05g | Prot: 5.28g | Carb: 0.00g.
Breakfast: Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter, McCormick Pure Vanilla Extract, Spectrum Organic Virgin Coconut Oil, Organic Valley Heavy Whipping Cream, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds). Snacks/Other: Market Pantry Deli Swiss Cheese Slices. more...
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 Comments
You are fabulous and! They would want you happy. Celebrate their life and! Your own! Hugs!
06 May 16 by member: TheLovelyMrsG
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I lost my father three weeks ago and all I can tell you is it gets better. Don't feel guilty. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to feel guilty because you are happy with yourself. That's not the same as being happy they aren't there.
06 May 16 by member: ApacheTiger37
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DivaTrue. You do not sound selfish. You sound human. We are all going to face things like deaths, and births, holidays and special occasions where we will struggle with our emotions and food is going to be featured. Sometimes, they will throw us for a loop but one day they won't. Take a deep breath. Allow yourself to feel all of this, without judgment. You're strong, you're beautiful, and you got this.
06 May 16 by member: Sisterwentsilver
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I agree with Sisterwentsilver..you sound human. A death at the best of times is always difficult to deal with. Don't be too hard on yourself. Enjoy your new dress. Go to the funeral and grieve.
06 May 16 by member: brisbee
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Miss Diva, Mourn now, and don't worry about mothers day. For you will always be a mother. Mourn the lost and sleeping. But know living blood flows though your veins. Mothers day will come again. Say goodbye to the one you lost. And then remember, you will always be a mother and you will always be loved.
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