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Early Sunday morning. I slept all night but woke up early after a strange dream about a client family. Decided to get up and start the laundry. Means I'll be ahead of schedule today!! I've already had several cups of coffee, fooled around on my Kindle with a word game and now to focus on some work.
Last night I read about guilt and forgiveness in the book I have been reading. I never really thought I was someone who was riddled with guilt. But the author defined some behaviors around guilt that hit home. Wish I could remember what they were but it escapes me right now and the book is in the bedroom. I don't want to disturb hubby. I'd like him to be able to sleep in a bit. He was VERY tired last night, had a busy day at work, then cooked us stir fry, and then we worked a bit on our new business venture.
The forgiveness section was also interesting. He suggests that we take full responsibility for everything in our lives and let go of blame. He offers that we need to forgive our parents. That part is done. I worked that out a long time ago having lost my father when he was only 54 years old. My father struggled in his life. I know however that he did the very best he could with what he knew. I am at peace with him and while he certainly had limitations I know he loved me the best he could. My mother? Oh I am so very fortunate in that area. I have a WONDERFUL mother. I can't think of anything I need to forgive her for!!
He then suggests we need to "forgive everyone else!" So, make a list of all the people you are still holding "bad feelings" about and forgive them. Doesn't mean you "like" them just simply that you release the bad feelings we have harbored. I have a few of those I need to forgive. My father-in-law's pseudo second wife. She has since died but I still need to forgive her. Her family. My step-daughter and step-son. The mother and grandmother of my granddaughter who I no longer see. Some "friends" who many years ago let us down. There may be others ... I will write the list, do the exercise.
Then of course, forgiving ourselves. Over the years I know I have made progress in forgiving myself for being human. Believe it or not I used to be much harder on myself. Practicing kindness these past few years has been beneficial. This is an area though that I need to continue to focus on. I am still very hard on myself at times.
I'll try to come back to the guilt idea in another journal entry in case anyone is interested. Wish I could remember it now ... but perhaps because the way he described guilt was so different than I have always looked at it, it hasn't sunk into my brain yet.
Yesterday was a day of healthy eating, balance, and good things. I ate well, I exercised, I accomplished a few tasks, and even though I had two migraine auras I remained calm and did not have the pain associated with the migraines. It was very nice to have some time here alone. Just me and Blue.
Today will be a good day. The laundry will be done. We'll get to the grocery store. Enjoy an afternoon BBQ with another couple. A good day.
I am kind to myself. I take care of myself. I sleep well. Our wood shed is full. I am financially stable. I earn $100,000.00 a year. I have $3000 saved for a Feb 2012 vacation in Mexico. I am organized and efficient. I weigh 180 lbs. My skinny jeans zip up easily. All the clothing in my closet fits me. I crave healthy foods and choose healthy foods when my body is hungry. I am an expert in my field. People pay me for my expertise. I plan well and follow through. I like myself! I love my body!! I have sufficient income that I am able to manage a foundation, Random Acts of Kindness, so I can pass it forward. I believe in myself. I am confident. I am persistent. I pace myself. I think clearly.
I am grateful for much.
1. For my ability to read and think.
2. For the beautiful location I live in.
3. For sleeping well.
4. For all the challenges I've encountered in my life.
5. For my husband.
And so the day begins. Truly, the joy is in the journey. Today something wonderful will happen to me. What I want, wants me.
Have a great day!!
Diet Calendar Entry for 25 September 2011:
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988 kcal
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Fat: 22.43g | Prot: 74.00g | Carb: 118.10g.
Breakfast: Silk Plain Almond Milk, Pineapple, Oikos Plain 0% nonfat yogurt, Barleans Flax Oil, banana, soy protein powder. Lunch: shredded cheese, refried beans, corn tortilla, Cottage Cheese, chicken breast meat. more...
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