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Feeling out of sorts and like I'm in limbo land. I'm just going thru the motions of life it seems. Get up, work out, go to work, run errands, play taxi to friends, go to bed and get up and do it all again. Summer is over, so no more late night pool parties to break up the monotony. Blah...The Big 40 is looming ever closer and I'm just not ready. I thought by 40 you were supposed to feel grown up and be able to deal with life...By 40 I shouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck, rolling loose change to afford stuff. A 1000 deductible on my insurance shouldn't be devistating by the time someone is 40 and I can't even afford that. I have no savings, my hubby has no ambition to get a real job that actually might provide real money or at the very least ANY benefits. Why am I always the one who has to be responsible? I work more than my hubby, I earn more than my hubby, I took on roomates to earn more money, I worked extra cleaning for more money, what does he do? Sit on the couch after leaving work early (because the shop has no work to do) watching boring movies for hours upon end. He's not even using his down time to be useful by doing things like...cleaning the house, maybe cooking for himself, home repairs, lawn..nothing. He does nothing unless I ask. I truely hate that. I'm up at 545 and out the door at 615. I do not return till about 12-13 hours later (after working out, working, working out again, and running errands paying bills and such), and I come home and guess what I do?...more work, housework, cooking laundry ect. I'm at my wits end.
Diet Calendar Entries for 09 September 2011:
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927 kcal
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Fat: 63.15g | Prot: 62.55g | Carb: 30.51g.
Breakfast: strawberry banana shake, splenda, half and half. Lunch: cheddar cheese, ranch dressing, bacon bits, hard boiled egg. Dinner: fish topping, flounder, butter. Snacks/Other: broccoli trader joes, cucumber, peas, carrots, alfalfa sprouts, green leaf lettuce, spinach, strawberries. more...
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2146 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Standing - 30 minutes, Swimming (moderate) - 30 minutes, Resting - 5 hours and 45 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Driving - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours and 45 minutes. more...
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 Comments
I am so sorry you are having a rough time. There's not much I could probably say to make you feel any better, except to stay strong. Just because you make more doesn't mean he can contribute. I make 1 1/2 times as much as my boyfriend and he's the one works 12-13 hours a day, go figure! But he cleans the house, does laundry, cleans up after I make dinner and offers to help me out wherever he can on his days off. That may be the difference is that he wants to.
I say this not to make you feel bad, but to make a point that he can help out in other ways. It sounds like to me you and your husband need to have a come to Jesus talk. In order for this relationship to work and be successful, both parties have to contribute. He needs to give some more. He needs to know how you feel and what this is doing to you. This isn't a chance to nag, it's a chance to talk about your partnership and how you can help each other.
For example, make out a list of chores, it really does help. Like my bf does the bathrooms and I will typically take of dusting and vaccuuming and the kithen, except after dinner :). I make dinner, he cleans. We both take turns doing laundry, because he has more dirty laundry than I do.
It's a give and take thing. I hope you will take this with an open heart and the good intention it was written with. I just hate seeing this kind of abuse in a relationship. I hope things start looking up for you!
09 Sep 11 by member: Adelinemf
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I realy have nothing to say but I live in a house full of ppl that seem to do the same thing so you know what I started doing??? nothing, I would come home get ready go to the gym, go to the gym come home make my dinner go to my room eat watch tv or w/e and then when I was done go wash my dishes and take them back to my room, leaving their mess behind me. I had a hard time doing this but after about a month they realized I was quite serious and they started doing it themselves.. I am responsible for my bathroom, my bedroom my own laundry and any other mess I make, oh and lawn/shovelling snow because no one else will do it. I know being as he is your hubby you can't just NOT do things but maybe if you started letting things slip a bit he will get the hint (like not doing his laundry etc.) Sorry you are having a hard time!
09 Sep 11 by member: pixidaisy
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Adeline, it's not all about the money. I don't mind so much that I earn more than him, but with that and then the fact that he doesn't contribute in others ways without having to be asked is the problem for me. I'm NOT his mother, and if I have to ask him to do stuff that needs to be done, I'm not his wife, I'm his boss. Laundry doesn't do itself, if it piles up, it needs to be done, I shouldn't have to ask for help maintaining a household on top of everything else I do, when he does very little to begin with. If I make a list of chores it is the same as me having to make him act like an adult. Children require lists of chores, grown men should not.
09 Sep 11 by member: icymaiden
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I'm not saying it's about the money either, sorry if it came across like that. :( I wanted to point out there are ways one can contribute in a relationship. Making a list of chores together is different. We sat down, and said, ok, I hate doing this, and he said, I don't mind, I can do it, and I said, ok, then I will do this, back and forth until most of the stuff was taken care of. It's more of a team work thing. I hope that you find some way of working this out or its definitely going to take it's toll on you and no one wants to see that happen.
09 Sep 11 by member: Adelinemf
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Oh, and by the way, I am 41, and this has been the best way of dividing and conquering the stuff around the house that needs to get done. No formal list is needed, just an understanding of who is responsible for what. Hope this helps.
09 Sep 11 by member: Adelinemf
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I guess I should have mentioned we've been together almost 20 years..I would have liked to think after 2 decades he would have started helping out without having to be asked. The only thing he does without having to be asked is start laudry, cause about 10 years ago I got fed up, told him if he didn't want clean laundry that was fine I would just wash my own. Course he never puts away the laundry, only starts it. I just don't get why men automatically assume women are the ones responsible for cooking and cleaning if we also work outside the home. And considering he is home many hours more than I am, and creating the clutter/mess to begin with, he'd be thoughtful enough to clean up after himself without expecting me to be his slave.
09 Sep 11 by member: icymaiden
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If I knew the answer to that question, and the way to fix it, I'd be a gazillionnaire. Hang in there.
09 Sep 11 by member: Adelinemf
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