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184.4
Calories Consumed Yesterday 2621
Calories Burned Yesterday 3059
I ate an entire bag of Athenos Baked Whole Wheat Pita Chips last night. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and ate two (which actually equals four because there are two cakes in each wrapper) Little Debbie Chocolate Chip Snack Cakes. That was in addition to what I consider "healthy" eating throughout the day. The Pita Chips were in the evening. I was feeling very hungry but didn't know if it was true hunger or stress hunger or getting sick hunger. I still don't know. The middle of the night thing is a bit worrisome. I used to do that a lot. I've done it a couple of times lately. I know it is a stress thing. I have been having a lot of troublesome dreams ... waking up a lot at night ... having a hard time getting back to sleep. It is my subconscious working overtime at night around my fears, worries, sublimated thoughts about my husband's diagnosis and treatment outcome. At least I know what it is, right? And we'll get through it, right? Dr. appt with the urologist is finally today. I have been misty eyed lately, rather emotional, but I am hanging in there. I don't really have a choice. What is, is. Oh I do so love him though ... and I'm scared myself. And trying to be strong and reasonable for him.
So, off to the elliptical I go. Routine helps maintain my sanity and maybe will help me not to begin a gaining spree. I still burned more than I consumed yesterday but there is still a tiny gain. Most likely a combination of sodium and stress. Simple math WILL prevail. I'll keep you posted on what we learn at the urologist's ... what our next step will be. Life will continue on ... and there are beauty and wonders even in the middle of what appears to be crisis ... I've heard the word for crisis in Chinese also means opportunity. I have many opportunities surrounding me then.
Take care!!! Later, my friends!!
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184.4 lb
Lost so far: 74.8 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 15 September 2009:
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1646 kcal
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Fat: 29.99g | Prot: 85.99g | Carb: 203.24g.
Breakfast: Fiber One Oats & Peanut Butter, medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy Strawberry, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, Alpine Lace Light Provolone, white turkey meat. Dinner: Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken (Skin Not Eaten). Snacks/Other: gin, french or sourdough bread, Fat Free Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Garden Salsa Sun Chips, Starbucks Iced Caramel Latte Sugar Free. more...
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3060 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 5 hours and 14 minutes, Desk Work - 7 hours, Driving - 3 hours, Precor Elliptical - 46 minutes. more...
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gaining 1.4 lb a week
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 Comments
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} I am so sorry the stress of your hubby's appointment and treatment is getting the best of you. I was there myself not that long ago when my husband went through all the heart problems. I know how horrible the waiting and not knowing can be. I am assuming it is a urological/prostate issue he is dealing with?? The good news is that they put the appointment off...really! I know it is not any easier with the waiting but if anything gives you hope it is that the doctors are not in a panic and rushing him in to be seen! OK...maybe I am grasping at straws?? I may not be helping at all but I am trying to look for the bright spots! honest! Best of luck today and more {{{{{hugs}}}}}}}for you!
15 Sep 09 by member: dawn0001
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Thanks for the effort Dawn but yes you are grasping at straws. Truth is the doctor had a family emergency and had to cancel his last appointment. Hubby was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago ... he wasn't ready to deal with it through traditional means ... now he is ... so that is part of the reason for the high anxiety ... what has it done in the past two years? Typically, prostate cancer is very slow growing but there were some rather aggressive cells in his biopsy 2 years ago, even though it appeared to be very early stage cancer. I appreciate your cheering attempts ... and it will be okay ... whatever it is ... we'll get through it!! Thanks!!
15 Sep 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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You will get through it and once you have a plan I am sure you will be able to focus on doing something which hopefully will make you feel more in control. And I second what Dawn says: Best of luck today and more {{{{{hugs}}}}}}}for you!
15 Sep 09 by member: abbadabba
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Hugs to you. I had no idea your husband was sick. I will be praying for healing. I cant give words of wisdom because I have been doing the same thing too, not 3am but 10-11-12 at night. We did what we did and no have to move on, but I think the greatest thing now is that we realize it and we can catch ourselves. Like when I did it before I never got on the scale, maybe once or twice every few months. I never had that awareness of oh my goodness this gained me 5lbs holy crap! Before it was like oh well its good and im going to do it. Have fun on your elliptical, I wish I had one.
15 Sep 09 by member: yogamama3
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I can sense your strength through this journal entry carol- the strength to hold on to your husband, your success and to recognize that your behavior is a symptom. You are one of the wisest, most caring and strongest souls I know. But no matter how tough we might be, we all have our moments. We all need support. I hope you know how much I want to hug you and tell you everything's gonna be okay! It will. I know you know this, but it helps to remind each other. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your husband. Keep yourself on track and you will be as happy as you allow yourself to be, even in these hard times. Remember this
15 Sep 09 by member: girlygirlatheart
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I actually can feel the hugs!! Thanks. I'm not really upset with myself about my eating yesterday, it is what it is and I am still on the path I need to be on. As long as I stay on the scale and stay honest with myself it will work itself out in time. Only another hour and a half unti the appointment. I will be glad to finally talk to the doctor ... even though I'm fairly certain there will be more waiting, at least there will be some forward momentum in the waiting. Thanks again for all your kind words of concern and encouragement. I appreciate them greatly. HUGS right back at you!!!
15 Sep 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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Good luck with the appointment moose. I can't say more that what has been said above by all these good people. Stress can kill you so you must learn to live with this as it is likely to go on regardless of the course you choose. And as I understand it, other things will arise that are likely to be more of a problem than this. A *lot* of people have this problem and live happily. We begin to die the moment we are born. Focus on the light.
15 Sep 09 by member: information
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(((((hugs)))))!! I'm sorry the stress and emotions are so overwhelming (understandible so!). I'll be thinking the best for good news from the appointment.
15 Sep 09 by member: amryk
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I am sorry. I did not realize you already had a diagnosis and hope you did not feel I was trivializing. I did not mean it in that way at all. If it were me...I would be like henny penny! the sky is falling the sky is falling!!! You are holding it together so well. I hope everything went well at the appointment today and that he is fully recovered very soon. BIG GIANT HUGS!!!
15 Sep 09 by member: dawn0001
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yes (((hugs))), ditto Amryk
15 Sep 09 by member: cindyshine
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it doesn't look great right now but time will tell. Dear husband will be getting an MRI and a bone scan in the next week or so. However, the prostate is extended and hardened on at least one side and the urologist didn't have great hopes that it was even operable at this point. I'm a little shell shocked ... and have been drinking gin and diet coke. It may still be operable. Hormone therapy, chemotherapy and radiation therapy are possible options. Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers for those who are the praying kind. I'm afraid you'll be hearing more from me ... he is very important to me.
15 Sep 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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I will def keep you and him in my prayers, God help you both through this.
15 Sep 09 by member: cindyshine
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