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While it is said that old habits die hard, it appears equally true that new habits die easily. I lost my momentum and haven't tracked in about a week now. I keep telling myself that I'll start tomorrow, and then in the morning I think I have it set, but I get careless and call it a wash (because I didn't even try to eyeball or measure foods in order to guesstimate my current calorie budget). I rationalize that I am going through an emotionally draining and trying time, so not focusing on tracking is ok, even expected. I am complacent and lack drive to change- even though there is much that needs to change. It is so much easier to lull myself into apathy and defeat out of fear of failure and inadequacy. I don't know if I can really change for the better, but the worse part is my resignation to that claim. It's times like this where I wish my faith were what it ought to be so that I could find the strength to persevere through these doldrums. I know that my feelings are real only in the fact that they are valid. I long for G-d to grow my faith that I would walk by it opposed to my senses and sensibilities/ feelings that I might know His power to restore that which has been burned down and broken. When I look at myself and my life I feel like Nehemiah beholding the walls of Jerusalem and grieved to see Zion's splendor, trampled. Though as G-d used Nehemiah to rebuild the ravaged city, may He do with me to my life also.
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