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I'm doing better maintaining...I'm going to play a few rounds today...
I will keep my head down like (nolechick) says,And i will walk the entire course.....
Dreams are like paper, they tear so easily.
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
I'm so full I can't hear.
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
I could tell my mother hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I knew I drink too much .The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fatter people.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheated on me.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who April,May and June are.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons
My only regret in my life is that I am not someone else.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
When I played baseball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
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