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ARGHHH!!!!
My "positive" approach is waning today. I am feeling very frustrated and fighting with myself. 5 days ago I weighed 189. I was so excited and thinking to myself, cool I'll lose another pound or so before vacation!! All this week I have been up, although I have not entered it yet. Yesterday I was back to 190 even. Today I am at 190.4. So ... I'm going to gain this week??? And vacation hasn't even started!!!
I am spazzing out. I know I have not done anything different. In fact I am exercizing a bit more each day ... burning close to 500 calories a day on my elliptical. What I am eating is good food. Certainly a reasonable amount of calories. So what exactly is the problem?
Okay ... on the other hand ... physically I feel great. Normal. Not "skinny" but certainly not "fat." It is so much more fun to get dressed every morning. Everything in my closet fits. My husband says I "feel" different ... in a good way. I move with ease.
I have told myself and told myself and told myself that my body will settle where it wants to ... but I think I am upset that my body may want to settle here ... instead of near 175 where I WANT it to. However, this could just be an adjustment period ... and really nothing to spaz out about at all. Why are those darn numbers on the scale so important to me? What difference does it make if I stablize around 190. It just seems like such a big number. None of the "beautiful people" weigh 190. None of the "experts" would recommend 190 for me. I am sooooo scared that I will be back in the 200's.
So today I must practice being kind and loving towards myself. The negative old messages in my brain are working overtime, trying to hijack me, I must not permit that to happen. I MUST focus on the journey right now ... not the "end" because there really isn't an "end." I wish there was an "end", a time when I could not struggle with this but I don't think there will be. There may be a time I struggle less but probably not a time when I can go on auto-pilot ... my auto-pilot is set I'm afraid on kamikaze status!!
Thanks so much for listening to me. I'm so sorry I'm not more upbeat today. I know I've made a huge amount of progress and I'm not discounting that. I'm just having a difficult day.
Take care everyone and I hope you are having an easier, smoother time today than I!!!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 14 May 2009:
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1002 kcal
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Fat: 22.45g | Prot: 72.90g | Carb: 144.45g.
Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: Dijonnaise Creamy Dijon Mustard, Reduced Calorie High Fiber Wheat or Cracked Wheat Bread, red onion, dill pickle chips, tomato slices, deli turkey slices, pineapple tidbits, 2% cottage cheese. Dinner: perrier. Snacks/Other: Double Dark Chocolate Nutrition Bar, Marathon Nutrition Bar - Dark Chocolate Crunch, Fiber Plus Antioxidants Dark Chocolate Almond. more...
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3079 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Precor Elliptical - 40 minutes, Driving - 2 hours, Desk Work - 9 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 20 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
awwww, hun dont worry. We all have our down days, and your buddies are here to listen! Banish those negative thoughts! You know in your heart and head that you have done great, and you will lose more weight. Your body might be taking some time to readjust and then it will continue to drop the pounds. The important thing is that you keep yourself headed in the right direction. Do not let go of your determination. Do not let go of your strength. They will get you through these discouraging times. You are right, there is no end to this journey. But one day you might find that this lifestyle becomes second nature to you, and it will seem like less worry and work. You wont have to think about exercising or eating healthfully as a conscious decision, because you will find balance. I am now learning that if I cant do it for the rest of my life, dont even start. We're in this for the long hall so we can sustain the progress we've made. Just remember that, and think about how great you feel! Try to forget numbers today. You'll feel much better
14 May 09 by member: girlygirlatheart
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Have you ever heard of a plateau??? You might be experiencing that. And those take patience. I have been on a plateau since January. LOL I don't know what else to call mine. Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. You will be fine. Look at your weight loss history, you did not get there by panicking. Take that deep breath and exhale.
14 May 09 by member: WECANDOTHIS
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It sounds like your clothes are fitting differently, so you are doing something right. Keep eating healthy and exercising. Losing weight isn't just about being skinny, but about feeling good about ourselves and our health. Make sure you are getting in plenty of fresh fruit, veggies, lean dairy and protein (the more natural the better). Limit the processed foods (too much sodium).
14 May 09 by member: Suzi161
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I second Suzi about the diet suggestions--and that you are definitely doing something right! You might want to switch up your diet. If you are eating low cals, eat more for a few days. If you are avoiding carbs, have some brown rice with your dinner. If you are doing long slow cardio, do some weights or do some interval training. Maybe try not eating any sugar for a few days. Just mixing things up might help. And stay positive! I know when I get close to something (like my wedding--I TOTALLY sabotaged myself!) I get anxious which makes me feel like I CAN'T do something and then it's a self-fulflling prophecy. Repeat a mantra in the present tense--not I WILL lose weight but I AM losing weight. You can do it--you've been working hard, you have the mental strength and I know you can keep it together.
14 May 09 by member: beets_yum
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I know how you feel. And you buddies are right. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do not let this little lull in weight loss get to you. Remember we don't have a alternative plan. You know I am talking to myself as much as to you. You look great!!!!
14 May 09 by member: judibird
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Thanks to all!!! It is now the end of the day. I just got home a little bit ago ... long day at work and a good one. So, being busy meant I didn't have time to spaz out so much!! LOL!! And I ended up with a little free time to kill so hit my favorite department store and found some cute deals ... in sizes I haven't worn in twenty years for more than a couple of months anyway. It's funny, looking at myself in the dressing room mirror I suddenly see this different woman and it occurred to me that what the scale says really isn't the most important thing. I even caught random men looking at me while I was at the mall ... and I know it wasn't because I was fat. So ... I will breathe in all your advice, talk a deep breath and BE!! Vacation will work out fine ... I am doing fine ... I am losing weight ... I have adopted a better, healthier way of being with myself and food!! I think the changing things up is a good idea ... vacation will do that automatically!!! Thanks again everyone!!!
14 May 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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{{{hugs}}} I struggle with those voices too. Being kind to ourselves is often difficult but necessary. I wish you the best on that venture! It truly can be a challenge.
15 May 09 by member: dawn0001
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