madaboutmoose's Journal, 26 April 2009

We're back from our "goof-off" weekend anniversary celebration and we had a great time. In terms of eating and my ongoing learning curve regarding practicing a healthier and more balanced relationship with food I did okay.

Things I noticed ...

We ate at Del Taco for lunch one day. I ordered two soft chicken tacos and assumed they would be without any creamy type sauce ... got them and there was some kind of creamy sauce on them. My first reaction was to slightly "freak out" ... and think "oh crap ... now I blow my diet"! I quickly recovered though and stopped myself, realizing 2 measly tacos a "failed diet" does not make!!! Turns out they have 210 calories each ... not exactly tragic. LOL!!

I am better able to stop eating when I am full. That is still a new sensation for me.

Even though I still find myself internally questioning myself about whether or not I should "enjoy" myself (mostly with the margaritas and beer I consumed!!!) I found that I did not dwell on it and I was able to let go of any recriminations I started to bring against myself.

For me ... a healthy relationship with food does not yet come naturally. However, there is progress!!! I FEEL differently this time. Although I have not reached my stated goal weight I find myself feeling more centered or something of that nature. I am definitely more comfortable in my own skin this time around than I have been in the past when I reduced my weight. I am actually enjoying practicing a more balanced approach to eating out ... and yet it still also scares the bejeebers out of me. My automatic pilot is still to equate any "indulgence" with "failure." When I have "failed" in the past (i.e. indulged in a treat, dinner out, etc) I equated that to having "blown it" and then continued on with indulging ... sometimes for months on end!!! I still find those thoughts popping into my brain ... but I'm better able to argue with myself I guess and so far ... none of my "indulgences" have led to behaviors I've done in the past.

So, FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN!!! And a continued growing awareness of what I tell myself. I hope you all are well ... thanks for listening!!

---

1479 kcal

Fat: 53.50g | Prot: 90.45g | Carb: 157.22g.   Breakfast: butter, water, eggs poached, wheat bread, Sirloin steak. Dinner: Healthy Choice Grilled Turkey Breast, perrier. Snacks/Other: Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy, Luna Chocolate Caramel Brownie, Quakes Cinnamon Streusel, Special K Protein Bar, Special K Honey Nut. more...

2949 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sitting - 6 hours, Shopping - 2 hours, Elliptical - 35 minutes, Resting - 7 hours and 25 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...