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Reading my past journal entries makes me feel like a failure. So many goals - so little follow through.
Truthfully, I have always had trouble with exercising. I just do not want to do it...even though it makes me feel better.... even though it makes me look better... even though it makes me healither/live longer.
I also feel that I've been a litle blue...depressed would be too strong of a word... but I think you get the idea. I'm in a country where I do not speak the languague. I have no friends or network. I have have infant who requires signficant time/attention. I'm not miserable. But, I've noticed I stopped showering everyday... now everyother. I almost never wear make up anymore or wear cute outfits. I just feel like "what's the point." I feel very disconnected. Given that I'm ~98% extrovert on Myers Brigg, I'm sure this has a lot to do with my mood and energy levels. Bad mood (For me) = eating & laying down/sitting & wanting to be left alone/avoiding people. See a cycle forming here?
On a physical level, I'm not getting enough sleep & I'm pretty sure I've been dehyrdated for at least a month. I'm constantly up to 2,3, or even 4 in the morning. Baby gets up between 7 & 8.
What to do? How am I going to get on track?
I've got to start with the basics.... I've got to build a foundation so that I can be successful.
1. Log onto FatSecret everday - chat with others in forums/groups to feel connected to others (can do in 5 min & will hopefully signficantly improve my "mental" game: attitude, will power, confidence, determination
2. get 7 hours of sleep every night
3. drink 3 liters/day (100 oz)
I am back to eating clean & I want to incorporate dairly exercise. But, for now, these (see above) are my goals. I will focus on these 3 things. It doesn't mean I won't eat clean or I won't excercise. I feel that I need to focus on th e basics before I can move to other goals. I won't eat right & work out if I dont consistnatly achieve these three goals.
Please, comment or provide feedback. Add me as a buddy. I would love to hear from you!
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 Comments
Oh!!! My heart goes out to you. I know about being in strange countries where you can't speak the language it is very frustrating and lonely. But at least you can join us on here and we will support you. We all need you to ! Please start being who you really are and fix your self up again, I know your husband would enjoy seeing you look more beautiful for him. You also want to try and be happier for your baby as they feel when your not connecting. You have a little Angel to be responsible for and you deserve to be happy. I to was very depressed because I have lost 12 loved ones in the last year and a half. It started with the death of my grandson, he was hit by a truck while riding his skate board. I went so far down hill, I didn't think I would ever come back up. I got so unhealthy and just didn't care, but my husband had a heart attack and I knew I better start doing something ,because he needed me. Sorry about being long winded but I feel your hurt and I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you start feeling better.
10 Jul 14 by member: sandycatiller
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Sandy, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to be in your shoes - to lose so many so close together. Before moving to Spain, I was a therapist. I worked with a lot of adults and children struggling with death and berievement. I have seen the challenges people face when trying to regain a sense of "normal." There is one "right' path and the path is never straight. I hope that you have found some peace in your heart and are on your way to closing the holes that loss has left. I'll be sure to check in on you to see how your journey progresses.
11 Jul 14 by member: alhuey
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*correction... there is NOT one "right" path
11 Jul 14 by member: alhuey
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