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Ok, so today started off badly. And yesterday was just atrocious, but those times are in the past, so I am starting off clean at this moment in time. This morning for breakfast I had two little packages of two cakes each, and I stopped at that (mostly because there was no more). I have been drinking mio flavored water all day, I am trying to get myself back on track of drinking water, not soda, since soda is sooooo bad for me. Soon I am going to switch to just water, but right now I need taste. I will put less and less of the mio in it at a time, then I will drink just straight water. I am hoping by doing this it will eliminate my need for flavored drinks. I ate pretty decently today, although my case manager had it in her mind that I had no food. I did go out last night and get a sandwich from the convenience store, but I also bought crap there too, so it didn't pay off. I am hoping to get back into OA soon, whether it's face 2 face meetings, online, or phone. I am hoping things will start working out for me soon. I need to start changing my understand of why I do things and how I should think about this. I have so many ideas of how to change the world, when I cannot even change myself. It needs to happen and soon. I am a better person than I feel inside. God loves me. No matter what religious group out there tells me. I do not have to have a religion to be close to God and this is what I have been struggling with for a very long time. A certain religion has been trying to rope me in because I believe in a lot of ways they do, but they keep telling me they dunno if God will save them or not. What kind of hope is that?! I need to stay away from organized religion, it is dangerous and unappealing. I am trying to get close to God but feel far off. I need to be still and know that he is God. Thanks for listening. I feel like I am just throwing my head to the wind and crying lately. Enjoy the day, everyone.
Diet Calendar Entry for 30 November 2013:
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2309 kcal
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Fat: 90.19g | Prot: 116.36g | Carb: 249.53g.
Breakfast: Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. Lunch: Betty Crocker Suddenly Pasta Salad - Ranch & Bacon. Dinner: Old El Paso Soft Tortillas (Medium), Kraft Miracle Whip Light Dressing, Light Tuna Fish (Drained Solids In Water, Canned). Snacks/Other: Butter (Salted), White Bread, Reese's Miniature Peanut Butter Cups. more...
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